Reaction and response to targeted or general emotional outbursts of others

[Mxx]

This isn't a question I have explored thoroughly, but am curious to see how it may relate to MBTI or typology preferences, and more specifically, with those who share INTP preferences.

Imagine a person is directing a significant emotional outburst to you, either targeted (they are upset or angry with you or something you've done; or grateful, inspired, impacted or aroused by you) or in general (they are upset/angry about something, or are raving about something).

What are your reactions (how are you impacted physiologically), and how do you typically respond?

Internally, as a reaction to strong emotional outbursts, I usually experience a wave a nausea and become lightheaded. I typically respond with silence, either averting eye contact if they are raving in general about something, or lock on to their eyes/face if I'm the subject of the rant or rave. I will typically delay a verbal response until I'm physiologically stabilized again, and have gathered my thoughts. If I don't consider the person or circumstance to be worthy of a response, I will usually just walk away from the interaction. (I have actually learned to give some verbal response indicating that I'm not able to respond at the time, and will discuss later if the issue needs to be discussed).

Unfortunately, in quite a few instances I haven't been able to control laughter as a response. Not entirely sure where that comes from, perhaps like a cat that purrs to calm itself in highly stressful circumstances.

Also, if I have chosen to physically remove myself from the interaction, and I am followed or cornered, I have been known to metaphorically hiss and scratch.

Most of these reactions/responses I can see reflected in the Introversion preference (being overstimulated by an interaction, the need for quiet contemplation of an issue, withdrawing from an over-excitable environment).

Where possible, I try to avoid people who are prone to frequent outbursts.

Curious to read about how others react and respond.

[stuck]

Sounds like adrenaline. Contempt generally helps me avoid that.

[msg_v2]

Meh, I'm guilty of it as anyone, so I try not to hold that against someone.

Perhaps I can be contemptuous when I get to the point when I longer do it. That's probably not my style, though.

[Blorg]

In reaction to angry outbursts, I usually cry. I try to delay that until after I'm away from the yelling person because tears tend to add an extra layer of negative emotions to already-ugly situations, but I often can't (it's not a conscious strategy, it's an inevitable emotional reaction). Besides that, I might possibly: get overheated, get shaky, lose the ability to think in sentences. My stomach always tightens. Of all my physical features, my stomach seems to generally give me the most clues about my emotions, especially negative emotions.

[Ptah]

To start, I also ...

• avoid people who are given to emotional outbursts, when and to the extent possible.
• find an odd reflex impulse to smile if not laugh at the sight of seeing someone succumb to (in particular) distressed emotions.
• find it hard not to smirk at other forms of unexpected emotional outbursts
• lock-on-target eye contact when emotionally charged behavior aims at me
• look abstractly elsewhere when it aims elsewhere

Imagine a person is directing a significant emotional outburst to you, either targeted (they are upset or angry with you or something you've done; or grateful, inspired, impacted or aroused by you) or in general (they are upset/angry about something, or are raving about something).

What are your reactions (how are you impacted physiologically), and how do you typically respond?

In any case, I "raise shields". What I mean by that is: doubt aka critical thought kicks in high gear at the same time as I apply specific focus to try and constrain my own emotional engagement, hence response.

Critical thought comes up trying to clearly understand -- and in particular, both predict and derive the cause and/or dominant forces at work of -- what's happening to them, (if/as applicable) what role if any I (or others also present) have or could have in the "spin" of the situation, and so on .. pull it apart like debugging a program, trying to experience live but also "break/continue/factorize" it at the same time. A major side-effect of this is a myopic focus on the emotional person and/or situation (as well as shielding my own emotional state from them/it), at the expense of awareness of time passing, my environment, and so on.

If it is aimed at me, good or bad (positive or negative) ... eyes lock on target. Even overtly and simply complimentary expressions cause this, and the aforementioned doubt+shields raised.

If it is positive at me, I go on high guard against manipulation, almost purposely trying to wrench my attention more broadly to the surrounding context, in case I miss something in a blindspot that can develop through the default myopic attention lock. So even if I'm staring right at them, I feel this pull to keep my peripheral vision in mind. A very paranoid state, really. Can very much complicate my interactive responsiveness, resulting in blank stares or awkward, dismissive responses, unsure of where this might be going.

If it is negative at me, it's almost easier. This is a fight, and I can do fights. Shields up, and sword drawn. But before swinging the sword, I'm applying critical thought to pull them apart, looking for a weak spot to strike or twist at in case its necessary. Memory gets tapped for any old daggers or contexts I can apply (from my knowledge of them, if any), as such. The problem that can happen here, the more personal it is (the more personally I know/value them) ... the more my "readying weapons" as such comes at the expense of my emotional shields, meaning my own emotional state can become corrupted. I try to avoid using any weapons once emotionally charged, as such. I'll just try to inwardly distance myself from the situation, restore calm and focus. Blank stares result, in that case.

If it is just sadness or dismay-type aimed at me, I feel a kind of curling back in disgust, like away from death or a bad smell. I have an absurd reflex tendency to smile or even laugh, which is never a good thing for the "spin" of the situation. Shields up, and always on guard that sadness or dismay may turn into a fight. Hand on hilt, stepping back, wanting it to go away. I admit I'm prone to blurt out things like "Calm Down!", which is exactly what they don't want to hear. It is likely a kind of projection of what I tell myself when I get like that -- get control of yourself! Pull it together, damn you!

If it is not aimed at me, I'm just making sure I'm aware of how I might get involved in this, looking for the path of interactive responses (or lack thereof) which keeps me at most distance and clearance from the splash effects. I want nothing to do with it, really.

[jigglypuff]

it matters if i relate to the emotion or not. if i can understand it, i'm way more patient and might even join in. if i can't, have my own shit to worry about (and it's more important) and/or i really don't agree with their reasons for having the outburst, i'm prone to just telling people "sorry but i don't have the energy for this right now." they get it or they don't.

if i'm the target of an angry outburst, i may fight back or let them vent, obviously depending on how i perceive the situation. sometimes they're right.

[Hephaestus]

Do I care about the person? It matters.

[Blorg]

Do I care about the person? It matters.

for all types of emotional outbursts? Are there any types of outbursts that override the individuality of-- or negate the significance of your relationship with-- the outburster (does that make sense)?

(just wondering.)

[Hephaestus]

for all types of emotional outbursts? Are there any types of outbursts that override the individuality of-- or negate the significance of your relationship with-- the outburster (does that make sense)?

(just wondering.)

If I don't care about the person, then my assessment of their outburst is going to be focused on whether or not they are a threat to me.

If I care about the person, the analysis tends to be more complex than that.

This assumes the outburst is directed at me.

If the outburst is simply in my vicinity, then whether or not I care about the person is still a relevant factor, but the parsing is a little different.

But my emotional attachment to the outburster is always a salient data point.

[sandwitch]

I've had a number of public services jobs, which often is an invitation for strangers to vent their frustrations of the world. When I'm in professional mode, I concentrate on keeping a straight, calm face while they emote at me. I try to listen for the purpose of their speaking to me, and when they finish I tell them the extent that I can help them. If that doesn't descalate the situation, I tell them that I appreciate their frustration and that I'll find the appropriate people for them to contact (preferably by email), and start looking busy. Sometimes that will make them desperate, and they'll ask more reasonable questions. Other times they're still pissed off at everything, so I look them in the eye and tell them to GTFO, in professional terms.

If it's not in a professional context, well...
if it's someone I care about, I'll try to listen and really hope that they finish soon.
if it's someone I don't care about, or I'm drunk, I'll probably call them a fuckface and maybe throw in a guilt trip for their trouble.

Having to deal with crabby people in a work environment makes me much less patient during non-work.