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Thread: Roommates from Hell

  1. #1
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    Angry Roommates from Hell

    Reading gator's Loading Dishwashers, I figured there might be plenty of material on this topic. Those of you lucky enough to live on your own – feel free to revel in your less-than-beloved college memories, and those of you still being trapped in an apartment with a person you can't stand – here's you're place to rant as elaborately as you wish.

    Spoiler: My own two cents
    My worst roommate story happened when I was 17 and had just moved to London to study. I was living in the seediest part of South London with a middle-aged Persian lady, her daughter and a threehundred-years-old Japanese dude with a white beard who spoke nothing but Japanese. About a month later it turned out that the Persian woman had once been an escort, that Japanese guy had been a rich client, and that the daughter was in fact their offspring. The girl was younger than me and way out of control, took drugs and seemed to be going down the same road as her mother (she also liked to practice the drums in the middle of the night). One time her mother went after her in an unbridled fit of rage with a humongous knife that could have rivalled Indiana Jones'es. – They also had five dogs, who all had fleas, which were everywhere, yet the landlady refused to put collars on the dogs because it would "hurt" them. – Also, the rest of the house was naturally a mess, there was no hot water and no shower head either, which meant showering was done pouring cold water over your head in the bathtub with an old measuring cup.

    The second-worst living situation followed right after, when I moved to a double room above an Indian restaurant in what had seemed to be a perfectly normal house the morning I had viewed it. After I had signed the agreement, it turned out that I had just moved into a place shared by about FIFTY Indian dudes, since the owner of the restaurant, who appeared to be some kind of slave trafficker, had crammed seven or eight people into rooms designed for two. There was one kitchen and one bathroom, so go figure what condition either of them were in. – I noticed too late that a glass panel on my window was missing, so I spent an entire winter sleeping with my jacket and boots on – which I might have done anyway, since I'd never seen so many mice before as I went on to see in that room. One night I got woken up by an entire mouse family sitting at the end of my bed. – It was also the most expensive place I've ever lived at, at 650 pounds per month.

    ...reading this, I'm beginning to think that the gaslighting Nazi-caricature Kraut roommate I'm having at the moment might not be so bad after all.
    Last edited by Sappho; 05-29-2014 at 08:17 PM. Reason: Added spoiler tags.

  2. #2
    No Blorg's Avatar
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    This evening, I heard someone knock on the door and rattle the doorknob. For some reason this made my heart beat fast so I hid in the bathroom with the door locked for a long time. Eventually I came out and resumed normal activities. Around 12:30 am (several hours later), someone knocked on the door again. They kept knocking for maybe 5 - 10 minutes. I just waited quietly and frozen in place for them to go away.

    1:30, I'm in bed and I hear cops near the apartment entrance (my apartment is right near the entrance so I can hear through the wall). I hear them mention something about a cat meowing and "the lights are on." So I assume they're heading to my apartment and yes they knock and I let them in. They ask where Roommate 2 is and I say that she's in Indiana. They say a person named [name] is on the loose, I don't know the details but they made him sound threatening/violent, and they said he was out searching for Roommate 2, and earlier today he broke the window of a neighboring apartment where he (presumably) thought Roommate 2 was. Apparently the earlier knocking was his (edit: the second was the cops)-- so the cops said from now on I should keep the door locked/not answer it.

    So that's kind of scary. And I dislike my roommate.

    edit: I have to wake up early and I'm not going to be able to sleep because of this. Sitting in the bathroom and all the lights are out. omg. It's probably a bad idea to be in the bathroom because people in horror movies always get murdered in bathrooms and I want to transcend stereotypes, at least get murdered in the living room or something.
    Last edited by Blorg; 05-30-2014 at 06:25 AM.

  3. #3
    Global Moderator Polemarch's Avatar
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    That's awful. I'm sorry you're having to go through that. Without any victim blaming intended (you OR her), I'll just say that you probably need a new roommate.
    We didn't land on Plymouth Rock. Plymouth Rock landed on us.

  4. #4
    No Blorg's Avatar
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    ^yes, I've had a lot of issues with her (messiness/theft etc). I'll be able to escape her as soon as this apartment lease ends in August.

  5. #5
    <3 gator's Avatar
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    I don't think I can claim to have had any roommates from hell. I've been very lucky in that regard. However, one in particular caused me a lot of mental anguish, as folks that hung out at INTPc during that era can attest to. Waxy's nuts, but in a mostly benign yet annoying way. Mostly she was just incapable of understanding that she shared the space with other people and just because she thought something was a good idea, doesn't mean that everyone else thought the same way and had given implicit permission for her to do things. That and the serial dating episode. I should really dig out some of my old blag posts about her.

    But in the whole scheme of things... your roommates sound way crazier.

  6. #6
    chaotic neutral shitpost jigglypuff's Avatar
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    one of my roommates would always forget to leave the key out for me (we had to share & left it in the mailbox) so i'd have to wait outside the door for like half an hour while she cooked her horrible fried meat foods with too much pepper. she'd bring home whole fish and huge chunks of meat for frying, which is ok, but the kitchen was tiny. the air from her cooking stung my eyes, & since i was staying in the living room with nothing but a curtain for privacy, there was no escape from that air. i'd have to open the window after she'd gone off to her room (with a door) while it was like 17 degrees outside, literally, just so i could see things and breathe. the lady who owned the apartment would come home & scold her all the time (treating me like an angel in comparison-- um). despite this, she actually was a really nice person & i think living with her would've been cool if the place was more comfortable.

    oh yeah, she'd also clog the sink with rotting food particles so i often had to dump liquid from cooking and washing down the toilet. it was just weird.
    Last edited by jigglypuff; 05-30-2014 at 07:38 AM.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Tetris Champion notdavidlynch's Avatar
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    One of my roommates moved into the living room and used his bedroom to grow pot. This led the meth-head next door to climb in through our window, and go to his room to try and rob him. I happened to be on the toilet at the time, knew that something was up from the sound of things, and got off without wiping to put an end to it. The meth-head, with a complete, crazed, twacked out set of dilated pupils and flushed red face, told me to not tell my roommate. He claimed that there was some black guy trying to break in through the window and that he drove him away, but that it was my fault that he broke in because I didn't answer the door. Obviously, this was all crazy.

    Of course, I did tell my roommate, and this led to death threats against me from the methhead. We got into a scuffle and I nearly stabbed him to death. Later on my roommate took it upon himself to get more revenge and took a hammer to the dudes car, smashing all of his windows and stealing some stuff...

    Annd, I moved out a few days later and in with my then girlfriend.

    Oakland, oh Oakland.

    This was the same roommate who graduated with honors with a degree in Classics, posts pictures of himself online with AK-47s and such, made a living selling cocaine in New Mexico, got fired from Whole Foods for masturbating in the diary cooler, etc, etc. At one point he was masturbating in the living room and didn't even care that I was around, later finished and just stayed sprawled out. I asked him to give me a ride one time and he completely flipped out on the way and started tailing cars across town. He even pulled over in front of a woman and told me to get out of the car and grab her to put her in the trunk, and that she'd make a nice sex slave.

    His dad is a professor at UNM, PhD from Duke. His mom is a speech language therapist. His brother goes to Stanford. His sister goes to Reed. He's fucking crazy, and we still keep in touch - I've seriously been worried that if I broke off all contact, then he'd take it as an admission of guilt to stealing a bunch of stuff from him and then come after me.

    And, oh yeah, he thinks I'm the fucked up one.

    Now that I think about it, I may have been dealing with a psycho or sociopath.
    Last edited by notdavidlynch; 05-30-2014 at 08:45 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by gator View Post
    (...) I should really dig out some of my old blag posts about her.
    Yes, please do! Seems I missed out on these on INTPc.

    But in the whole scheme of things... your roommates sound way crazier.
    The weirder it was, the better I could handle it, thinking: "At least they're giving me a good story for later...." The ones I find truly hard to bear are the passive-aggressive, self-absorbed, control freak stereotypes, whose lives are incredibly boring and who still feel they deserve special treatment.

    Quote Originally Posted by tele View Post
    one of my roommates would always forget to leave the key out for me (we had to share & left it in the mailbox) so i'd have to wait outside the door for like half an hour while she cooked her horrible fried meat foods with too much pepper. she'd bring home whole fish and huge chunks of meat for frying, which is ok, but the kitchen was tiny. the air from her cooking stung my eyes, & since i was staying in the living room with nothing but a curtain for privacy, there was no escape from that air. i'd have to open the window after she'd gone off to her room (with a door) while it was like 17 degrees outside, literally, just so i could see things and breathe. the lady who owned the apartment would come home & scold her all the time (treating me like an angel in comparison-- um). despite this, she actually was a really nice person & i think living with her would've been cool if the place was more comfortable.

    oh yeah, she'd also clog the sink with rotting food particles so i often had to dump liquid from cooking and washing down the toilet. it was just weird.
    Haha, I sympathize. Not having a door does make cohabiting a lot harder.

    Quote Originally Posted by notdavidlynch View Post
    [Pulitzer-Prize-worthy roommate stories]

    Now that I think about it, I may have been dealing with a psycho or sociopath.
    Unfortunately, they always seem to be the most interesting kind of people when you meet them first.

  9. #9
    Mens bona regnum possidet ferrus's Avatar
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    I'm moving out of shared accommodation after having lived in it for... hmm, about 4 years continuously, 6 if you count the count of years at uni. Not a moment too soon either...

    The craziest housemate I had was literally insane, or at least he once was. He was the only person I've met more untidy than I am (an achievement), who seemed interesting to begin with, compared to a lot of the tedious middle class people I'd met in the first year. He was a pretty skilled linguist, and when his dad was in the states working as the chief executive for Nerf he won a high school national Spanish language competition - he probably could have done well but never made any effort, I remember being surprised to hear he overslept his Portuguese exam. He was constantly being bailed about by his dad, he would rack up huge credit card bills, and we'd have to ward off the bailiffs until his dad agreed to pay it off. He was 26, a real man-child, who had made repeated efforts at university, which had been terminated before by such incidents as being caught trying to jump off a tower block, and stalking one of the girls at the uni. He was schizophrenic and had spent some time in mental institutions. We had a room inspection once (the university housing department were the landlord effectively), and to prevent the staff coming in and inspecting his room, he lay on the bed spread eagle with no clothes on, pretending to be asleep, with the bed positioned in such a way that they would see that before anything else in the room as the door opened. This had the desired effect of preventing an inspection.

    It was fun in a way - it was amusing drinking with him - even though his tendency for playing music loud at 4 in the morning alienated all of our neighbours. What wasn't amusing was the day he went in Birmingham town centre, found a couple of guys willing to sell him a mystery 'pill' -the contents of which he had no idea, and then proceeded to get drunk and stoned to an absurd degree. Needless to say when he returned home he threw a Swiss army knife at me which fortunately ricocheted off the wall and above my head. I got angry (I'd had quite a lot to drink myself), and threw a remote control, which connected with his head. We didn't speak to each other again after that.
    Die Logik ist keine Lehre, sondern ein Spiegelbild der Welt. Die Logik ist transcendental. - Wittgenstein

  10. #10
    Senior Member skip's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Polemarch View Post
    I'll just say that you probably need a new roommate.
    And several dogs, and a firearm.
    Yes, I smell like a horse. No, I don't consider that a problem.

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