Calling people by their name

[Madrigal]

Why is this so hard for me? It's not about not knowing the name. I just don't like saying it. It feels kind of imposing. Attention-seeking. Sometimes even aggressive. But I never feel offended when people say mine. So it just doesn't make any sense. Some kind of detachment thing?

What is your policy towards naming? Are there people in your life that you simply never name? Is there a generic word you prefer to use in the place of people's names? (In my case I just use "che" a lot, which means "hey".)

[skip]

I dislike it when people call me by my first name unless I know them well. It's too intense, too personal. I'd much rather call people Ms./Mr. Lastname, myself. Seems more civil somehow.

[stigmatica]

LOL - I'm very guilty of using "Hey" quite a bit. But only because it takes me a while to remember peoples names. If I know someone's name, I usually use it. However, if I know someones name, it means I've already become familiar enough with them that I feel comfortable using their name. On the rare occasion I actually know a name before this familiarity has been achieved, it feels too personal/cheesy.

Edit: Skip, I promise I wrote that before seeing your post. LOL

I'll also add that if someone uses my name without that familiarity, I instantly become suspicious of their character/intentions. It makes me think they're trying to sell me something.

[Polemarch]

If it's someone I know well, it's fine, but anyone at work who I kinda sorta know - I tend to hesitate, out of doubt as to whether or not it's the right name, so I just say hi. I always worry that they think I don't know their first name, which is sometimes actually correct.

The fact is I just don't really care about most people.

[jigglypuff]

it's case by case. i can go into work and greet the receptionist by name (it seems polite) but i've noticed it takes me a long time to feel comfortable calling intimate partners by their name. detachment/attachment has something to do with it. calling someone by name puts them back in public/"just anybody" social context or something & that whole merging of worlds can take a while? idk, but there's something there. i rarely even call close friends by name.

i call people by name when i want their attention & need to distinguish them from other people. this happens more in public whenever i see something cool/stupid/funny & need to talk about it.

when i'm in a service or sales position i'll never call a customer / random stranger person by their name cuz that's just corny.

[Nekyia]

names hold power...binding...Namen sind Schall und Rauch

[Sappho]

I dislike it when people call me by my first name unless I know them well. It's too intense, too personal. I'd much rather call people Ms./Mr. Lastname, myself. Seems more civil somehow.

I agree. In the language that is spoken here, we distinguish personal and formal forms of address. I always use the latter with strangers, even though it doesn't win me friends in my own age group. When I was a kid, it was perfectly normal for adults (that used to be people 18+) to address each other in the formal manner; nowadays, it seems that being in your mid-twenties doesn't count as being an adult. WTH, society. – The good people understand, though, and there are several with who I'm very close despite still using the polite form of address after years of knowing them; perhaps closer than if we called one another by our first names. To some, it may only be a figure of speech, but I feel it may be the most viable solution to the old Hedgehog's Dilemma.

names hold power...binding...Namen sind Schall und Rauch

That is, in fact, a contradiction. Know your Faust I.

[Nekyia]

...
That is, in fact, a contradiction...

Observant...

[lethe]

I've heard it was endearing or forcing a connection to use a person's name in conversations.


Personally, I feel names are incredibly intimate and for a majority of people I almost never use them. Then again, I don't pay much attention to the names and often forget them... even if I remember the person.

I have noticed that I use the name of someone I am intimate with quite frequently. Those I am closest to. Sometimes I will make a unique nickname and use that instead. But again, I will use it often, quite unlike my taking style with others.

It makes me very uncomfortable when a person I don't know well uses my name in conversation. It feels forced, fake, or like they are unnecessarily trying to get my attention.


Here is a side question. When introducing yourself do you say, "my name is..." or "I am..."?

[longsilence]

Hmmm, everyone I knows uses first names most of the time here and I thought the English were stereotypically the height of reserve with such things. Hell, at the sixth form college I work at most teachers are called by their first names by their students. The only time people use someone's surname is if they have a strict [or unknown] business interaction with someone.