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Thread: Stuff that makes you laugh

  1. #1
    Member INTP_Polly's Avatar
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    Stuff that makes you laugh

    I need some comic relief. I dug up a post I made in another forum. It's a true story and well...it made me laugh.

    So I am in a meeting today. We got off track and started to talk about gambling and the lotto. I mentioned a study I read that said there are a large contingent of people whose retirement plan consists of winning the lotto and we chattered about that for awhile. Then I mentioned I never gamble because I feel I'm throwing my money away. So I didn't sound quite so pious I added in my funny ISTJs sister's joke how, "I'm just keeping a list of people I don't like so if I retire and am destitute, I'll just pick off the top person on the list, get sent to jail and I'll have 3 meals a day, medical care, and a roof over my head."

    Crickets....

    Eventually someone piped up, "Exactly who is on this list?"

    There is NO LIST...I'M JOKING but I stole a joke and it's not funny if I have to explain all that.

    So I say, "It's a hypothetical list, it doesn't actually exist, I just know it's there if I need to write someone's name on it."

    Then someone else says, "It probably wouldn't be wise because there are some pretty bad jails out there."

    I'm thinking STOP RUINING MY JOKE!!!!!

    But I say, "It's ok, I'll plead insanity so they'll put me in a nice mental institution for the criminally insane where if I'm good I'll get day passes to go for nature walks."

    So then another one of my colleagues says, "I see you've put a lot of thought into this."

    OMG!!! No I haven't, it was joke...it wasn't even mine....I'm just trying desperately to save it!!!

    Apparently you have to be an ISTJ to get away with an ISTJ joke. Coming from an INTP they start getting concerned.

  2. #2
    Tawaci ki a Gnaska ki Osito Polar's Avatar
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    Polly, I don't get it. You told a joke and it wasn't funny, and that's the joke?

    *stares at you with a concerned look*


    "I don't have psychological problems." --Madrigal

    "When you write about shooting Polemarch in the head, that's more like a first-person view, like you're there looking down the sight of the gun." --Utisz

    David Wong, regarding Chicago
    Six centuries ago, the pre-Colombian natives who settled here named this region with a word which in their language means "the Mouth of Shadow". Later, the Iroquois who showed up and inexplicably slaughtered every man, woman and child renamed it "Seriously, Fuck that Place". When French explorer Jacques Marquette passed through the area he marked his map with a drawing of a brownish blob emerging from between the Devil's buttocks.

  3. #3
    Member INTP_Polly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Osito Polar View Post
    Polly, I don't get it. You told a joke and it wasn't funny, and that's the joke?

    *stares at you with a concerned look*
    What was funny was how badly the joke failed and how seriously everyone took me.

  4. #4
    Member Dakkar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTP_Polly View Post
    What was funny was how badly the joke failed and how seriously everyone took me.
    I thought both the joke and the situation were funny.

    ...I would add all of the humorless Rain Man posers to the list.
    "Do not try to satisfy your vanity by teaching a great many things. Awake their curiosity. It is enough to open their minds, do not overload them. Put there just a spark. If there is some good inflammable stuff, it will catch fire." -- Anatole France

  5. #5
    Member INTP_Polly's Avatar
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    ok how about this one then....


  6. #6
    Tawaci ki a Gnaska ki Osito Polar's Avatar
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    Okay I'll tell you one that made me laugh.

    The mayor of Cleveland was in the hospital next to his wife, who was in bed dying of cancer. It was inoperable and after a long struggle, the doctors said she wouldn't make it through the night. He held her to comfort her, and then he wept and she comforted him. After the mayor composed himself he spoke.

    "We had a really good life together, sweetie. I'll always love you."

    "I know you will. I couldn't have asked for a better husband. I am so proud of you."

    "I'm proud of you too. We had such good times together. There's just one thing I wanted to ask you."

    "What's that, love?"

    "Did you ever ... cheat on me?"

    "Why do you ask?"

    "Well, we're a political family. I've never cheated on you, but I always wondered."

    "Honey, anything like that I ever did -- I did it for you."

    "What do you mean by that?"

    "Well, remember when you were running for your party's primary and it was really close?"

    "Yeah"

    "I did what I had to do to get you the nomination."

    "Wait, what?"

    "Yeah. It came down to one man's vote."

    "Oh. But ... that was it?"

    "Well, no. Remember back in the early days of your career when you were running for city council?"

    "Yeah, I do."

    "The election was close and I went into the election official's office, I took him right on his desk and I made sure that recount went your way."

    "Ha ha, I do remember that being suspicious. I didn't know that was you."

    "I love you."

    "I love you too. But that was it?"

    "Well, no. There was your last reelection."

    "You had sex with that election official too?"

    "No, honey. He was gay. I did what I had to do to get you the votes you needed."

    "Oh you slept with leaders of local PACs?"

    "No honey, you ended up being short eight hundred and thirty four votes. I went to those voters and I did what I had to do to make sure the election went your way."
    "I don't have psychological problems." --Madrigal

    "When you write about shooting Polemarch in the head, that's more like a first-person view, like you're there looking down the sight of the gun." --Utisz

    David Wong, regarding Chicago
    Six centuries ago, the pre-Colombian natives who settled here named this region with a word which in their language means "the Mouth of Shadow". Later, the Iroquois who showed up and inexplicably slaughtered every man, woman and child renamed it "Seriously, Fuck that Place". When French explorer Jacques Marquette passed through the area he marked his map with a drawing of a brownish blob emerging from between the Devil's buttocks.

  7. #7
    Member INTP_Polly's Avatar
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    ^^^ I'm funnier

  8. #8
    Tawaci ki a Gnaska ki Osito Polar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTP_Polly View Post
    ^^^ I'm funnier
    You have an unfair advantage because you're in Canada. It's funnier there.
    "I don't have psychological problems." --Madrigal

    "When you write about shooting Polemarch in the head, that's more like a first-person view, like you're there looking down the sight of the gun." --Utisz

    David Wong, regarding Chicago
    Six centuries ago, the pre-Colombian natives who settled here named this region with a word which in their language means "the Mouth of Shadow". Later, the Iroquois who showed up and inexplicably slaughtered every man, woman and child renamed it "Seriously, Fuck that Place". When French explorer Jacques Marquette passed through the area he marked his map with a drawing of a brownish blob emerging from between the Devil's buttocks.

  9. #9
    Member INTP_Polly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Osito Polar View Post
    You have an unfair advantage because you're in Canada. It's funnier there.
    Laughing helps keep us warm.

  10. #10
    <3 gator's Avatar
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    @INTP_Polly, I get the same reaction when I tell jokes. It's very sad. I don't know if it's my delivery or if it's that they're just not expecting whatever it is I say to be a joke. I'll try to think of some examples. None are coming to me right now but they may later.

    I do have a story though.

    One time I was playing cards with my family and my dad wondered aloud if the cherubs on the back of Bicycle cards get sore from sitting on bicycles all the time. Someone else offered that perhaps they had those kind of super ergonomically correct seats, like those special ones that are shaped to provide good support and air circulation for lady bits. Someone asked what the male equivalent of a gynecologist was and my sister answered that it was a neurologist.

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