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Thread: It's hard to be my friend

  1. #1
    Hasta Siempre Madrigal's Avatar
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    It's hard to be my friend

    Anyone else feel that way about themselves? I spent most of my life thinking about it the other way around: "It's hard to be your friend." Thinking other people were very demanding, draining, not understanding. Actually, I'm the one that requires tolerance.

    I slip in and out of friendships like they're always going to be there in the same state that I left them before. I have a serious problem with constancy. I forget birthdays, important events, I forget to ask people how they did on [so and so thing that's important to them]. I let weeks and months go by before reconnecting, I often don't answer emails, I don't answer texts, I don't reciprocate in tons of little ways.

    I don't know how the fuck they tolerate me but I've come to a point in life that I'm starting to feel extremely grateful to and amazed by those who do. Especially the ones who are still around since high school. They deserve a fucking medal for consistently seeing through my incompetence and not taking it personally. They are just so goddamned generous and forgiving. One day, I'm going to do something really nice for them and say that to them. Well, I mean, maybe tomorrow.
    Quote Originally Posted by Hephaestus View Post
    Heh. We've been here years now.

  2. #2
    Member INTP_Polly's Avatar
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    Yeah, I don't consider myself a very good friend at all. One minute I'm in your life and the next I'm gone. For the most part I'm a really good person, I'm generous, expect little from people, etc. etc. etc. but friends are very low on priority list. My closest friends are those who accept that I'm there for a good time, not a long time. I expect when we reconnect we can just pick up from where we left off. I'm different in intimate relationships but when it comes to just friends...or even family I'm pretty much a failure.

    I despise country music and won't poison anyone with the genre but these lyrics express pretty good how I approach my friendships:

    Here For A Good Time Lyrics
    by George Strait


    I'm not gonna lay around and whine and moan
    'cause somebody done, done me wrong
    Don't think for a minute that I'm gonna sit around
    And sing some old sad song
    I believe it's half full, not a half empty glass
    Every day I wake up knowing it could be my last

    [Chorus]
    I ain't here for a long time
    I'm here for a good time
    So bring on the sunshine
    To hell with the red wine
    Pour me some moonshine
    When I'm gone, put it in stone
    He left nothing behind
    I ain't here for a long time
    I'm here for a good time

    Folks are always dreamin' bout
    What they'd like to do
    But I like to do just what I like
    I'll take the chance, dance the dance
    It might be wrong but then again it might be right
    There's no way of knowing what tomorrow brings
    Life's too short to waste it
    I say bring on anything

    [Chorus]
    I ain't here for a long time
    I'm here for a good time
    So bring on the sunshine
    To hell with the red wine
    Pour me some moonshine
    When I'm gone, put it in stone
    He left nothing behind
    I ain't here for a long time
    I'm here for a good time

    I ain't here for a long time
    I'm here for a good time

  3. #3
    Hasta Siempre Madrigal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTP_Polly View Post
    I despise country music and won't poison anyone with the genre but these lyrics express pretty good how I approach my friendships:
    Haha. I don't mind country music, gonna give it a listen. Mine is probably this.

    Quote Originally Posted by Hephaestus View Post
    Heh. We've been here years now.

  4. #4
    Member INTP_Polly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Madrigal View Post
    Haha. I don't mind country music, gonna give it a listen. Mine is probably this.
    I couldn't understand a word of it...but I did a little jig in my seat

  5. #5
    Tawaci ki a Gnaska ki Osito Polar's Avatar
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    I have a pretty small circle of friends for whom I'm a great friend. I have a larger circle of friends for whom I'm fairly low-commitment but not dishonest about it. I make my best effort to be a good friend to both circles of people and make an effort to ensure people know which circle they're in. I guess what I'm saying is that being a good friend is something that's important to me.
    "I don't have psychological problems." --Madrigal

    "When you write about shooting Polemarch in the head, that's more like a first-person view, like you're there looking down the sight of the gun." --Utisz

    David Wong, regarding Chicago
    Six centuries ago, the pre-Colombian natives who settled here named this region with a word which in their language means "the Mouth of Shadow". Later, the Iroquois who showed up and inexplicably slaughtered every man, woman and child renamed it "Seriously, Fuck that Place". When French explorer Jacques Marquette passed through the area he marked his map with a drawing of a brownish blob emerging from between the Devil's buttocks.

  6. #6
    a cantori Perdix's Avatar
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    Weirdly, all of my close friends are girls, with the exception of my CFO who's been a great friend/partner for the past three years.

    I have one best friend, an ENTJ gal several thousand miles away, it's really a perfect friendship. We literally know everything about each other to the point where sexual tension is not an issue, which is great; there is a certain point in a relationship where the difference between being friends and "mates" becomes quite clear.

  7. #7
    <3 gator's Avatar
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    I'm not going to say I'm a shitty friend but the people I'd consider to be my best friends are either people I end up spending a lot of time with out of convenience because of scheduling and proximity, or they are people who specifically make plans to involve me in things.

    I don't really understand the second group. I almost never initiate contact with people. It rarely occurs to me to call people up to go do something with them, and when it does, I don't know what to suggest we do so I don't end up following through. It leaves everyone else to do the work if they want to spend time with me. I'm not sure why so many great people put up with that but they do.

    If someone calls and asks for help I'm usually there though. Perhaps that's how I redeem myself.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Madrigal View Post
    Anyone else feel that way about themselves? I spent most of my life thinking about it the other way around: "It's hard to be your friend." Thinking other people were very demanding, draining, not understanding. Actually, I'm the one that requires tolerance.
    Yes.... I figured this out, too. These things basically require maintenance that I'm too self-absorbed to give most of the time.

  9. #9
    Member Dakkar's Avatar
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    IRL games are annoying but it can be interesting to analyze and play them in the forums.

    "Do not try to satisfy your vanity by teaching a great many things. Awake their curiosity. It is enough to open their minds, do not overload them. Put there just a spark. If there is some good inflammable stuff, it will catch fire." -- Anatole France

  10. #10
    Persona Oblongata OrionzRevenge's Avatar
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    I guess this is the reality, but I'm like a damaged goods magnet and stay in a contrary mindset.
    Creativity is the residue of time wasted. ~ Albert Einstein

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