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Thread: The Fourth of July

  1. #1
    Senior Member Makers's Avatar
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    The Fourth of July

    This holiday is another with its luster from my youth seeming to fade. But at least you get incidents like this.



    I'm sure I'll end up getting intoxicated somewhere. My uncle, a cop, usually buys half sticks of dynamite too. Shows what law enforcement can get away with. Right now I'm in Missouri. People having been blowing shit up from morning (seriously, yesterday at 8am) until night for the past couple weeks. It's like fucking Afghanistan.

    Anyway,

    Do you have any plans? How do you feel about fireworks? Are they allowed in your area?

    Edit: Also, if a mod wouldn't mind helping me out with the thread title, as of now "fourth" is mispelled. Or I continue to look dumb, that's fine too.
    "Long live the weeds and the wilderness!"

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    Global Moderator Polemarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Makers!* View Post
    Edit: Also, if a mod wouldn't mind helping me out with the thread title, as of now "fourth" is mispelled. Or I continue to look dumb, that's fine too.
    Done.
    We didn't land on Plymouth Rock. Plymouth Rock landed on us.

  3. #3
    凸(ಠ_ರೃ )凸 stuck's Avatar
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    TRY AN TAKE AWAY MY TRASH CANNON OBAMMY

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    tableau vivant MoneyJungle's Avatar
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    I'm working and drinking afterwards. I live in California and too close to the woods for there to be legal fireworks. I have fond memories of crossing the Colorado-Wyoming border as a teenager and buying bottlerockets year-round. I'm more into the flash than the bang. My overall feelings on fireworks are I'm willing to concede the pleasure they give me to keep them out of the hands of reckless people who can do serious damage. Overall, I'm a big fan of the fourth. No family commitments or gift expectations are what make for a great holiday. Booze on a summer night is also great.
    Last edited by MoneyJungle; 07-02-2014 at 06:50 PM.

    Glimpses do ye seem to see of that mortally intolerable truth; that all deep, earnest thinking is but the intrepid effort of the soul to keep the open independence of her sea; while the wildest winds of heaven and earth conspire to cast her on the treacherous, slavish shore?

  5. #5
    Global Moderator Polemarch's Avatar
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    Fireworks are either banned completely in Illinois, or heavily restricted. I don't know precisely which, but I can tell you they aren't sold here.

    I grew up in California, where they were highly regulated, but not completely illegal. The only ones you could buy at the local stands were the lame ones no one wanted. And they were obscenely priced.

    If I wanted fireworks right now, I'd drive to Indiana where there are giant big-box fireworks warehouses, with industrial-grade fireworks that can be used for a community-town level show. I bought a ton of them several years ago and threw some awesome parties on a lake. I love it - but it's expensive and exhausting, and the cleanup is a mess. Today I'd only buy them if I had access to a lakehouse - it's just not worth it for a thrill on the block.
    We didn't land on Plymouth Rock. Plymouth Rock landed on us.

  6. #6
    Member El D.'s Avatar
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    I too enjoy any holiday that involves not going to work and instead drinking. Blowing shit up is a bonus. Lol thats hilarious about Missouri. Here in southern California it is not that way. There are lots of restrictions on fireworks.

    When I used to live in Virginia we would drive down to South Carolina at some point in the early summer and stock up on mortars and shit for the fourth. Those things freaking rule dude. I remember when I was in college I had somehow in my poorness acquired like 30 of the biggest mortars you could legally buy in SC. It started with normal, safe-ish, mortar launching through a tube, like youre supposed to use. Eventually the booze had convinced us that lighting and hucking them like grenades was a better approach. I tell you what. Those things are freaking bright when they blow up on the ground. Was it a good idea? Probably not. Was it fun? HELL YES

    Block parties are also sweet because I can sort of pretend Im being social, but also still be on my front porch. The fourth is the best at my house because I live on a hill with a view of the city. My neighborhood is flooded with people, and since it really happens only once a year, I enjoy it.

  7. #7
    Minister of Love Roger Mexico's Avatar
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    I'm in Minnesota. We can buy sparklers and whatnot, and sometimes other stuff like bottle rockets across the river in Wisconsin. Jesse Ventura made a big point of legalizing a bunch of them when he was governor, but I have no idea what the laws are now. Nothing big and crazy for sure.


    I always liked the Fourth out in Oregon. Fireworks aren't really legal in Portland, but there too you can cross the river into Washington where it's apparently legal to sell mortars and all kinds of big crap like that. Most people do this, so somewhere right around sunset the whole damn city lights up like the Somme. The mayor and the fire department will typically issue public statements griping about it, but I've never seen any serious attempt to crack down.

    So I always kind of appreciated the universal consensual law-breaking-with-explosives aspect of it. (It really does get crazy--anywhere in the city half the houses on your block will be firing off mortars and shit.) Seems appropriate for a holiday that commemorates the start of a revolution.


    EDIT: I'll probably go to the parade if it hasn't already happened (they usually do it early here). Sit in a lawn chair drinking beer and taking in the spectacle of every local business advertising itself with a garish float, and the marching bands from half a dozen high schools in nearby towns.

    Meh, any excuse to sit around drinking beer.
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    No history, no exposition, no anecdote or argument changes the invariant: we are all human beings, and some humans are idiots.

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    The Pompatus of Love C.J.Woolf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stuck View Post
    TRY AN TAKE AWAY MY TRASH CANNON OBAMMY
    In Soviet Russia, trash cannon take YOU away.
    Your gardening sucks and your avocados ain't fruitin'. -- Sappho the Maestro

  9. #9
    Member El D.'s Avatar
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    Does anyone remember this? It was hilarious and awesome. When I saw it I remember thinking how awesome the show was going to be, but then it was over in like 10 seconds, and everyone was really confused afterwards. I think the city was supposed to coordinate the four shows in different parts of the city (you can only see three in the vid, but there are four you can see from the park), just not blow up every mortar in the city at once lol. I have to wonder if someone had done this on purpose.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JuJHfkXEI-o

  10. #10
    chaotic neutral shitpost jigglypuff's Avatar
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    parking sux and i don't give a shit, but i appreciate the day off.
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