Need help PLEASE

[whatloveihave]

This is my first time on a forum EVER. I signed up here because I can't take it anymore. I literally have no one to relate to or talk to and I'm isolated, I reek of weird awkwardness, and I have no one to talk to. I was forced into working for a day camp which I hate. I'm so introverted and can't socialize and it shows. The other camp counselors are getting along with the kids but me, my boss is getting mad at me because "I'm not interacting with the kids and you look bad!" I try but they don't like me, I can't help it and I'm not gonna force it. I want to quit and just go off in a cave. No one is like me, I can't have an intelligent conversation without someone yelling "SELFIE! INSTAGRAM!" I'm an outcast and a weirdo and I just want someone to talk to. I'm a 23 y old female.

[stuck]

Welcome!

Day camp counselor sounds pretty daunting.

It might help if you CBT yourself each day, like a little affirmative pep talk looking at the bright side of humanity, how you're there to steer these little model citizens away from the Lord Of The Flies-esque lynchings and banana republics which they inevitably form. In any case, it'll maybe help to shift the focus off of you and your odd personage and towards the task at hand. People naturally give people a pass if they're "aligned with the task they're doing", no matter how weird they are.

[Starjots]

I get where you are coming from. You'll probably get better advice from a lot of other people here, but just wanted to let you know this isn't so unusual. The cave option is probably suboptimal in the long run.

Personally, I have a small horde of kids (4) and even though some of them are a bit like me it is really hit and miss when it comes to having an intelligent conversation. I think we're communicating and they veer off onto what is really on their mind which is stuff I figured out... oh when I was their age which was 1.5 million years ago. The best course seems to be to switch over to their topic. Kids are really focused on their own life from their own perspective. Sometimes they get thoughtful on their own and it is pretty touching.

I also slightly flaunt my weirdness with the family. Being alpha male maybe it is easier to do this. At work I generally don't.

Welcome to the forum.

[Ptah]

Welcome aboard!

I'm sure there are some here with whom you can relate, discuss or just vent. That's all part of why this site exists...

[stigmatica]

You've come to the right place. I can't tell you how many times I've stated I'd prefer to live in a cave.

As was previously stated, with kids you have to learn to force your own side of the conversation to be completely in their area of interest, which can be painfully dull from your perspective sometimes.

[El D.]

I find myself in situations like this with my job too, but sometimes I wonder if I am intensifying them in my head. Like, if I know someone thinks I'm a somewhat weird, I think I tend to imagine their worst possible perception of me, which can really be uncomfortable to deal with, whether its real or not. I'm pretty sure there are people that I'm forced to see every day that either think I'm odd, rude, antisocial, awkward, etc., but I think whats helped me is to learn not to worry and realize and accept the fact that it doesn't really make a difference which approach you have. You can't control other peoples' thoughts, and not everyone is going to like you right off the bat. Its actually best not to worry about what they think of you IMHO.

I just try to be positive and unphased as much as possible, and as stuck mentioned, tried to stay focused on the task at hand. That helps me avoid thinking about the awkward social climate and actually gives me a chance to interact with people and show my better qualities.

[Thevenin]

I'm an outcast and a weirdo and I just want someone to talk to. I'm a 23 y old female.

I've been an INTP forty more years than you. You're not weird or an outcast. You're just part of a small but essential part of humanity. We are intellects, scholars, hard thinkers, inventors, artists, quiet ponderers, and we come with a great pedigree (think geniuses like Einstein).

So, first, as Shakespeare said, "to thine own self be true." That is, you are what you are and, although it's good to expand your social skills and other abilities that don't come naturally, don't expect a tremendous transformation. People can grow and change somewhat depending on motivation, need, or trauma, but IMO, most people retain their essential personalities throughout life. So, follow your natural inclinations and don't deprecate yourself. If you do, you're also deprecating the INTP personality and introverts in general.

Being a camp counselor is definitely a challenge for the typical INTP--not a good match. But, since you're doing it now, assuming you can't just quit, I would agree with @stuck. Try REBT or CBT (the former preceded the latter). Ellis' book, How To Stubbornly Refuse To Make Yourself Miserable About Anything-yes, Anything! has a dumb title but it is a useful way to help yourself this summer. Both these related therapies were motivated by the ancient philosophy of stoicism. For a modern take on this, you may wish to read: A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy. Also, as I just wrote in another post, read Susan Cain's Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking. Here's her TED talk.

There are many careers that are ideal for introverts, but, if you're looking for something now, you might want to work in a library, if possible. Or, if you have the interest and skills, many INTP's tend to like writing code.

In the meantime, if you're stuck working in a camp, try to find "down time." You need this physiologically because you're being overstimulated during the day and this is stressful and exhausting. In the long term, try your best to find a match between your work and your personality. Even if this means taking less pay for more quiet and peacefulness, it's worth it.

[whatloveihave]

You guys are so nice and I'm grateful for everyone giving me advice. I was desperate for someone to relate to me and understand what I'm saying. I can never be myself and I always try to hide my intpness. It's so hard to be this way, but from now on I will try and stay true to who I am. People are going to hate me for being different but I have to stop caring what they think about me. I'm glad I only have them for 2 more weeks and not the rest of the summer. I will take everyone's advice and try my best not to lose my mind.

[Hephaestus]

You've come to the right place. I can't tell you how many times I've stated I'd prefer to live in a cave.

A cave with electricity, indoor plumbing, and phosphorescent lichen. Woot.

[Thevenin]

People are going to hate me for being different but I have to stop caring what they think about me. I'm glad I only have them for 2 more weeks and not the rest of the summer.

If it's any consolation, most people don't think about you enough to hate you. Most people mostly think about themselves and not much about anyone else. Taken this way, and there are sociological and psychological studies to back this up (I'm to lazy to provide citations), you really have little to worry about when it comes to what you think other people think. You really don't know so it really doesn't matter. Just as most people are unable to be persuaded in an argument that they're wrong, you probably can't change how they feel about you even if you knew in the first place. Just be yourself, read lots of books, and enjoy solitude when you have it.