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Thread: Eating Alone

  1. #41
    libertine librarian sandwitch's Avatar
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    I ate out alone pretty often in grad school. My schedule rarely coincided with anyone else's, and the priority was to ingest nutrients. Usually I'll have a book or computer with me, or I'll grab a newspaper. If the weather's nice, I'll take food to go and find somewhere nice outside. I generally don't go to fancy restaurants, and when I do it's because someone else wants me to eat there with them.

    Quote Originally Posted by Hephaestus View Post
    I always have something to do in waiting rooms. I bring cards and a book. I usually have a cribbage board too. I've played many many hours of cribbage in waiting rooms--and restaurants.
    Are you asking people to play cribbage with you, or do you play by yourself? Solo cribbage sounds really really sad.
    Quote Originally Posted by starla View Post
    My mother will not only poach food off my plate without asking, but she will take a bite out of it and then PUT IT BACK ON MY PLATE OHMYGODIWANTTOKILLHER!!!
    This happened to me at a church potluck. Someone grabbed a cookie off of my plate, took a large bite, and put it right back. I stared at her with my mouth agape. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE??? It took a while for the bitch to realize that she did something unforgivable. What's even worse is that I was later forced to attend her wedding, and it was unbearable.

  2. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by sandwitch View Post
    This happened to me at a church potluck. Someone grabbed a cookie off of my plate, took a large bite, and put it right back. I stared at her with my mouth agape. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE??? It took a while for the bitch to realize that she did something unforgivable. What's even worse is that I was later forced to attend her wedding, and it was unbearable.
    that's pretty fucking rude and disgusting. i probably would've insisted she take the entire cookie.
    Cut out all these exclamation points. An exclamation point is like laughing at your own joke.

  3. #43
    Hasta Siempre Madrigal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tele View Post
    i can't bring myself to order more when people start taking it cuz it seems so passive-aggressive and honestly i hate eating til i'm 100% full (i'm a 80% person).
    I can understand how that may seem passive-aggressive, and I really hate passive-aggression, it's a huge pet peeve of mine. Thing is, it's either ordering more food or telling them to stop eating yours. Telling someone to stop eating your food is crossing a line in a friendship that you can't really uncross later, especially if they're feelers. Which a lot of people are. Some people might think "Oh yeah? Fuck them! They have to accept me how I am or they aren't really my friend! "

    Friends are few and far between and reality doesn't really work that way at all.
    Quote Originally Posted by Hephaestus View Post
    Heh. We've been here years now.

  4. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by Madrigal View Post
    I can understand how that may seem passive-aggressive, and I really hate passive-aggression, it's a huge pet peeve of mine. Thing is, it's either ordering more food or telling them to stop eating yours. Telling someone to stop eating your food is crossing a line in a friendship that you can't really uncross later, especially if they're feelers. Which a lot of people are. Some people might think "Oh yeah? Fuck them! They have to accept me how I am or they aren't really my friend! "

    Friends are few and far between and reality doesn't really work that way at all.
    that's hilarious cuz i'd rather tell them to stop eating my fucking food. i'll just be like "hey i'm really fucking hungry. stop eating it ugh." or "can you stop eating my food?!!?" in a jokey tone that isn't actually you making a joke. good friends respect your needs.

    ...i don't have a lot of friends, which i'm OK with.
    Cut out all these exclamation points. An exclamation point is like laughing at your own joke.

  5. #45
    Hasta Siempre Madrigal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tele View Post
    that's hilarious cuz i'd rather tell them to stop eating my fucking food. i'll just be like "hey i'm really fucking hungry. stop eating it ugh." good friends respect your needs.
    I know friendships that have been broken because someone ate their food at a restaurant while refusing to order their own, or for inviting them to their house for dinner and not having what they considered enough food. Implying someone is "going hungry" in a scenario is a big deal, because that can't happen. Could be a latin thing. There are some things you just can't say, and putting limits on food-sharing is a big faux pas. These are the same guys who will think you're an asshole for not letting them slobber on your sandwich until it's half-gone.

    Also, while we're on the subject, one of my parents' big gripes about Canadians is that they don't make abundant dinners when they invite you to dinner. I think there have been some awkward moments with my parents getting second servings of things that they weren't supposed to get second servings of, and stuff like that. We basically learned to eat dinner before arriving to an anglosaxon's house for dinner. Just in case.

    Edit: Some of my mother's horror stories involve a Canadian friend saying, "Yesterday we put melted cheese on a cabbage and ate that for dinner", or "We weren't really hungry so we just had peanuts." Then she will rant about what this evil woman is doing to her kids.
    Last edited by Madrigal; 07-29-2014 at 04:04 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Hephaestus View Post
    Heh. We've been here years now.

  6. #46
    Meae Musae Servus Hephaestus's Avatar
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    Yeah... if someone expects me to share, to the point of feeling justified in trying to shame me for not, that ain't sharing. Doubly so if it's my own food. I bought it for me to eat. Not us to eat. If you wanted one, you should have bought one. Didn't want a whole one? Well, I did, and it worked out for me.

    @lethe: Your etiquette sounds pretty similar to how it would work in my family. There are a few variants though. For example, it's not uncommon to proffer a plate for someone to take an offered shared taste from. You don't (generally) eat from their plate mind you. You transfer it from their plate to your own. And then you eat it from there. I think the underlying idea is allowing the person to pick what they want, rather than just taking what you give. Sort of like the difference between offering someone a drink and asking what they want from a selection, and offering someone a drink and telling them they're having orange juice.
    Most of time, when people ask why something terrible happened, they don't realize they are looking for someone to blame.

    --Meditations on Uncertainty Vol ξ(x)

  7. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by Madrigal View Post
    I know friendships that have been broken because someone ate their food at a restaurant while refusing to order their own, or for inviting them to their house for dinner and not having what they considered enough food. Implying someone is "going hungry" in a scenario is a big deal, because that can't happen. Could be a latin thing. There are some things you just can't say, and putting limits on food-sharing is a big faux pas. These are the same guys who will think you're an asshole for not letting them slobber on your sandwich until it's half-gone.

    Also, while we're on the subject, one of my parents' big gripes about Canadians is that they don't make abundant dinners when they invite you to dinner. I think there have been some awkward moments with my parents getting second servings of things that they weren't supposed to get second servings of, and stuff like that. We basically learned to eat dinner before arriving to an anglosaxon's house for dinner. Just in case.
    it's funny you bring this up, cuz cultural food etiquette is a really interesting topic to me, although i don't really know how to talk about it. like, in (my experience of) chinese culture, if you go out to eat in a group and you're considered one of the "adults" or hosts in the group, you're considered a huge fucking asshole if you don't at least offer to get the entire bill. it usually turns out to be a really big bill since you're feeding a lot of people but people will be rushing to pay it and arguing and giving each other dirty looks if they're not the one to pay it. it's really fucking funny unless you get it. what i like about "food abundance" cultures is the sharing, tbh. it's really nice to give, and to receive things from visitors like huge bags of fruit that they planted themselves.
    Cut out all these exclamation points. An exclamation point is like laughing at your own joke.

  8. #48
    Hasta Siempre Madrigal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tele View Post
    it's funny you bring this up, cuz cultural food etiquette is a really interesting topic to me, although i don't really know how to talk about it. like, in (my experience of) chinese culture, if you go out to eat in a group and you're considered one of the "adults" or hosts in the group, you're considered a huge fucking asshole if you don't at least offer to get the entire bill. it usually turns out to be a really big bill since you're feeding a lot of people but people will be rushing to pay it and arguing and giving each other dirty looks if they're not the one to pay it. it's really fucking funny unless you get it. what i like about "food abundance" cultures is the sharing, tbh. it's really nice to give, and to receive things from visitors like huge bags of fruit that they planted themselves.
    Over here they're supposed to offer to pay for the food, but you're not supposed to accept. Something like that. Haha.

    It is a food abundance culture (imported from Spain), but not the kind where you'll ever really find a big plate on the table that everyone serves themselves from. I've seen that in some Chinese restaurants and also Peruvian ones, IIRC.
    Quote Originally Posted by Hephaestus View Post
    Heh. We've been here years now.

  9. #49
    Meae Musae Servus Hephaestus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sandwitch View Post
    Are you asking people to play cribbage with you, or do you play by yourself? Solo cribbage sounds really really sad.
    Well, usually my time in waiting rooms was because I was driving my dad or The Girl to an appointment. But I'm not above solo cribbage--though I don't play out the hands. I just throw for crib and count points, keeping track of who is dealer.

    I also use cards to play with sorting algorithms and to try out new game ideas--once simple solitaire has lost it's luster anyway. There's lots of ways to entertain yourself with a deck of cards.

    When by myself, the board is mostly to fly a flag saying I'm willing to play with other people--though to date I've only taught about half a dozen strangers to play. Mostly female... which I'd never noticed before. Probably because only one of those teaching sessions ended in an offer to go back to hers and smoke a bowl with her friend. wink wink. nudge nudge.
    Most of time, when people ask why something terrible happened, they don't realize they are looking for someone to blame.

    --Meditations on Uncertainty Vol ξ(x)

  10. #50
    Homo siderius Sistamatic's Avatar
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    My husband was in Turkey on business for a couple of weeks and I went to a local restaurant/bar to have some Cajun food. I sat at the bar. I think it was a Thursday, probably around 6PM. I ordered my food and proceeded to read on my Kindle. A man sat next to me and announced that my long hair was the most beautiful hair he'd ever seen. I said "thanks" and went back to my book. A few minutes later he put his hand in my hair and said, "Beautiful."
    I told him not to touch me, moved to another chair, he followed, kept pestering me, asked me for a ride home, told me how much money he makes a year, blah blah blah. I mean it just went on and on. He only left me alone when others intervened. I'm in a safer than usual position in this city because I've been teaching here long enough that people know me wherever I go (in this case, a bartender and a server were former students), but it was still enough to put me off sitting at the bar anymore. I've had other less ridiculous sitting at the bar alone issues. Apparently a woman at a bar alone is asking for it. I've learned to just get a table for two and put stuff on the other chair.

    My coauthor has a close ENFP friend who can't stand it when he sees people alone in restaurants, especially if it is a female. He will sit there and obsess about it, endlessly conjecturing about the turn of events that could have led to the tragic circumstance of eating alone. My ISFP coauthor, who eats alone more often than not, has on occasion had to restrain him from going to pester lone diners. The man just cannot even imagine a scenario in which a person would want to eat alone.

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