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Thread: I did it because eff all y'all.

  1. #1
    Tsundoku LordLatch's Avatar
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    I did it because eff all y'all.

    This is where you admit brag about the crappy things you do and have no intention of stopping.

    Mine:
    Sometimes I pull up to the gas pump when I'm not getting gasoline so can eat my lunch in the shade.
    Oh, I also used my mom's Handicap Parking thing for 3 years after she died.

    Spoiler: Look to Dennis Leary for inspiration:
    Folks, Id like to sing a song about the American Dream
    About me, about you
    About the way our American hearts beat way down in the bottom of our chests
    About that special feeling we get in the cockles of our hearts
    Maybe below the cockles,
    Maybe in the sub cockle area,
    Maybe in the liver, maybe in the kidneys,
    Maybe even in the colon, we dont know

    Im just a regular Joe, with a regular job
    Im your average white, suburbanite slob
    I like football and porno and books about war
    I got an average house, with a nice hardwood floor
    My wife and my job, my kids and my car
    My feet on my table, and a Cuban cigar

    But sometimes that just aint enough to keep a man like me interested
    (oh no, no way, uh uh)
    No I gotta go out and have fun at someone elses expense
    (woah yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah)
    I drive really slow in the ultra fast lane
    While people behind me are going insane

    Im an asshole (hes an asshole, what an asshole)
    Im an asshole (hes an asshole, such an asshole)

    I use public toilets and I piss on the seat
    I walk around in the summer time saying "how about this heat?"

    Im an asshole (hes an asshole, what an asshole)
    Im an asshole (hes the worlds biggest asshole)

    Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces
    While handicapped people make handicapped faces

    Im an asshole (hes an asshole, what an asshole)
    Im an asshole (hes a real fucking asshole)

    Maybe I shouldnt be singing this song
    Ranting and raving and carrying on
    Maybe theyre right when they tell me Im wrong
    Nah

    Im an asshole (hes an asshole, what an asshole)
    Im an asshole (hes the worlds biggest asshole)

    You know what Im gonna do
    Im gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac Eldorado convertible
    Hot pink, with whale skin hubcaps
    And all leather cow interior
    And make brown baby seal eyes for head lights (yeah)
    And Im gonna drive in that baby at 115 miles per hour
    Gettin' 1 mile per gallon,
    Sucking down Quarter Pounder cheeseburgers from McDonalds
    In the old fashioned non-biodegradable styrofoam containers
    And when Im done sucking down those greeseball burgers
    Im gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag
    And then Im gonna toss the styrofoam containers right out the side
    And there aint a goddamn thing anybody can do about it
    You know why, because weve got the bombs, thats why
    2 words, nuclear fucking weapons, OK?
    Russia, Germany, Romania, they can have all the democracy they want
    They can have a big democracy cakewalk
    Right through the middle of Tiananmen Square
    and it wont make a lick of difference
    Because weve got the bombs, OK?
    John Wayne's not dead, hes frozen, and as soon as we find a cure for cancer
    Were gonna thaw out the duke and hes gonna be pretty pissed off
    You know why,
    Have you ever taken a cold shower, well multiply that by 15 million times
    Thats how pissed off the dukes gonna be!
    I'm gonna get the Duke, and John Cassavetes,
    and Lee Marvin, and Sam Peckinpah, and a case of whiskey,
    and drive down to Texas and say.....

    (Hey! You know, you really are an asshole!)
    Why don't you just shut up and sing the song, pal?
    Im an asshole (hes an asshole, what an asshole)
    Im an asshole (hes the worlds biggest asshole)

    A-S-S-H-O-L-E
    Everybody
    A-S-S-H-O-L-E

    Im an asshole and Im proud of it
    That's my poop stirrin' stick- Don't touch it! You don't know which end is the handle..

  2. #2
    Member Aurast's Avatar
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    I have a bag over my smoke detector because preheating the oven and opening it sets the damned thing off. Probably should remove it when I'm not cooking but, you know. Also I solder circuits and keep weapons in there. Basically I am a walking lease contract violation.

  3. #3
    Hasta Siempre Madrigal's Avatar
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    I don't return books. Actually, I don't return anything. I have clothes in my closet that I literally don't know who left there.
    Quote Originally Posted by Hephaestus View Post
    Heh. We've been here years now.

  4. #4
    Tawaci ki a Gnaska ki Osito Polar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Madrigal View Post
    I don't return books. Actually, I don't return anything. I have clothes in my closet that I literally don't know who left there.
    Oh, you mean you weren't doing it on purpose? I knew a woman who did the same thing. I thought she was just a really inexpensive prostitute.
    "I don't have psychological problems." --Madrigal

    "When you write about shooting Polemarch in the head, that's more like a first-person view, like you're there looking down the sight of the gun." --Utisz

    David Wong, regarding Chicago
    Six centuries ago, the pre-Colombian natives who settled here named this region with a word which in their language means "the Mouth of Shadow". Later, the Iroquois who showed up and inexplicably slaughtered every man, woman and child renamed it "Seriously, Fuck that Place". When French explorer Jacques Marquette passed through the area he marked his map with a drawing of a brownish blob emerging from between the Devil's buttocks.

  5. #5
    No Blorg's Avatar
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    I don't return books on time either :/ I got like a $50 dollar fee once but the librarian let it go because it was Infinite Jest so it made sense that it was overdue.

    I never voted

    In my new apartment I've taken dirty dishes out of the dishwaser when the clean dishes are out and then use them while they're still dirty because I'm too lazy to press the wash button

  6. #6
    malarkey oxyjen's Avatar
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    My mother-in-law likes to extend the life of handsoap by watering it down to the point that it's nearly liquid. I purposely use more pumps than what is necessary out of defiance.

  7. #7
    Tsundoku LordLatch's Avatar
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    I saw one of the books I checked out of the library was selling for $300 on amazon so I reported it lost and paid the $40 for it intending to sell it for profit. I still have it.
    That's my poop stirrin' stick- Don't touch it! You don't know which end is the handle..

  8. #8
    Hasta Siempre Madrigal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by oxyjen View Post
    My mother-in-law likes to extend the life of handsoap by watering it down to the point that it's nearly liquid. I purposely use more pumps than what is necessary out of defiance.
    You should empty it out completely and put only water in it.
    Quote Originally Posted by Hephaestus View Post
    Heh. We've been here years now.

  9. #9
    schlemiel Faust's Avatar
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    I improperly quote people on the forum.

  10. #10
    Member Mxx's Avatar
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    I couldn't be bothered with recycling.

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