Cutting People Out

KM · 08-22-2014, 06:58 PM

I cut three people out of my life this week. I blocked them from being able to call me or send me text messages and I either unfriended them on FaceBook or put them on my acquaintance list.

A straight guy who I've told multiple times to stop asking me out on dates and after leading me into conversation about a film we saw, asked me out again. (I didn't go to the cinema with him. I was there with a girlfriend and we ran into him in the lobby.)
A gay guy who broke up with a friend of mine and suddenly wanted to start spending more time with me. Only he kept saying he wanted to spend time with me and would ask me to clear out my weekend and then not call. Or would interrupt me while I was talking about something upsetting and tell me my hair was nice. Or would criticize some past decision of mine without explaining why he thought that way.
A straight girl acquaintance who in the past has cancelled dates last minute and who a few nights ago asked me to go out to dinner with her because her entire social network was trashed due to her traveling all the time. I thought this was a bit insulting but chose to ignore it. While at dinner, she offered to do something for me. (I didn't ask her. It was her idea.) Now a few days later, she's criticizing me about this "favor" that she hasn't done yet and is trying to tell me what I need to be doing with my life once she does this. I told her to forget the task if it meant she felt she had the right to control me afterwards.

Historically, I tend to hold onto unhealthy relationships for far too long with the thoughts that if I gave up I'm not being patient enough, forgiving enough, or understanding enough. Within the last year, I had a coach tell me I have problems letting go.

I'm trying to be more picky about the people I allow to influence me or to whom I gift with my time, thoughts and energy. A girlfriend I had in Los Angeles was the first person I ever met who would very decisively chop people out of her life forever once she decided they didn't fit. I admired the hell out of her for being able to do that and for being so sure.

I guess I'm curious if people here do the cutting people off thing and where they set their boundaries and if they have a pre-cut protocol.

**Bartender** · 08-22-2014, 07:02 PM

Originally Posted by kitsune

I cut three people out of my life this week. I blocked them from being able to call me or send me text messages and I either unfriended them on FaceBook or put them on my acquaintance list.

A straight guy who I've told multiple times to stop asking me out on dates and after leading me into conversation about a film we saw, asked me out again. (I didn't go to the cinema with him. I was there with a girlfriend and we ran into him in the lobby.)
A gay guy who broke up with a friend of mine and suddenly wanted to start spending more time with me. Only he kept saying he wanted to spend time with me and would ask me to clear out my weekend and then not call. Or would interrupt me while I was talking about something upsetting and tell me my hair was nice. Or would criticize some past decision of mine without explaining why he thought that way.
A straight girl acquaintance who in the past has cancelled dates last minute and who a few nights ago asked me to go out to dinner with her because her entire social network was trashed due to her traveling all the time. I thought this was a bit insulting but chose to ignore it. While at dinner, she offered to do something for me. (I didn't ask her. It was her idea.) Now a few days later, she's criticizing me about this "favor" that she hasn't done yet and is trying to tell me what I need to be doing with my life once she does this. I told her to forget the task if it meant she felt she had the right to control me afterwards.

Historically, I tend to hold onto unhealthy relationships for far too long with the thoughts that if I gave up I'm not being patient enough, forgiving enough, or understanding enough. Within the last year, I had a coach tell me I have problems letting go.

I'm trying to be more picky about the people I allow to influence me or to whom I gift with my time, thoughts and energy. A girlfriend I had in Los Angeles was the first person I ever met who would very decisively chop people out of her life forever once she decided they didn't fit. I admired the hell out of her for being able to do that and for being so sure.

I guess I'm curious if people here do the cutting people off thing and where they set their boundaries and if they have a pre-cut protocol.

I do it quite regularly. I do it when they are only a negative to me. Works pretty good although you need to have a plan for seeing them by accident I've had that happen its pretty awkward.

KM · 08-22-2014, 07:16 PM

^ True. I live in a large city, but I've lived here long enough that I run into people I know all the time. Any advice for handling that?

**Vison** · 08-22-2014, 07:16 PM

I have done this, though the last few years I have been doing it much less. It can be difficult to erase people from your life when everyone around you insists on bringing the offensive person. Their argument being that my desire to not be associating with certain people interferes with their right to free association.

I have always resented this and have come to regret every instance I have not swung the people-scythe at someone else's request. The clean-up is much worse when crappy people have been given the opportunity to crap all over.

**Bartender** · 08-22-2014, 07:22 PM

Originally Posted by kitsune

^ True. I live in a large city, but I've lived here long enough that I run into people I know all the time. Any advice for handling that?

Besides pretending they don't exist and just walking away nothing. This is problem I keep running into idk how to solve it. I see my Ex's sister at the tim hortons I go to so I just stopped going there now I drive farther.

KM · 08-22-2014, 07:35 PM

Maybe I'll go ask that girl from Los Angeles. We're still friends on FaceBook.

**Bartender** · 08-22-2014, 07:37 PM

Originally Posted by kitsune

Maybe I'll go ask that girl from Los Angeles. We're still friends on FaceBook.

She can probably help if she does it that much.

Anything I have isn't going to fit anyways cause I live in the middle of no where not a large city. Good luck.

**El D.** · 08-22-2014, 07:39 PM

Originally Posted by Bartender

I see my Ex's sister at the tim hortons I go to so I just stopped going there now I drive farther.

Basically this. But you cant always predict how to avoid someone, so the other two most obvious go-to's are: 1. Pretend they don't exist as mentioned above, or 2. Try as hard as you can to just talk to them normally whatever trivial bs people talk about when making small talk, but this can be exhausting and some people are shitty at walking the line between being obviously apathetic and over-the-top obnoxiously fake.

I have tried all methods mentioned to widely varied success at avoiding awkwardness.

I think cutting people out of your life is an occasionally necessary thing, though. You will come across people who are an absolute drag to be around.

**Bartender** · 08-22-2014, 07:42 PM

I have even gone so far as to pretend I did not recognize someone I knew for years. That doesn't work very well.

**jigglypuff** · 08-22-2014, 07:46 PM

in public, ignore them or pretend you don't see them. i do it all the time. :/ they'll seem like a psycho if they actually try to get your attention and you're doing this, so it's good.

there are tons i don't care to ever speak to again, and with the few i actually severed relationships with purposefully, i'm really sure about. usually they said/did something to me that's unforgivable, so it's an easy decision.