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Thread: Keeping in touch

  1. #1
    <3 gator's Avatar
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    Keeping in touch

    Do you?

    Who do you decide to stay in contact with? How do you keep in touch with them? Or, like me, are you terrible at maintaining contact with people you don't see daily?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Tetris Champion notdavidlynch's Avatar
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    Pretty bad at it but I choose to keep in contact with the bestest of friends. Their numbers are small, and the contact is infrequent. Might usually boil down to a lone, 2-3 hour Facebook chat once a year.

  3. #3
    chaotic neutral shitpost jigglypuff's Avatar
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    generally, i keep in touch with people i like who choose to keep in touch with me. i see them once in a while in person usually. i'm not big on talking over fb or social media with the exception of twitter (& instagram?) and still it's not that much socializing.

    it helps to be in a city where everybody and their mom moves to at some point...

  4. #4
    non-canonical Light Leak's Avatar
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    I'm bad at it. I used to write e-mails to people that I wanted to stay in touch with, but people have seemed to move in the direction of wanting to stay in touch on social media sites. I find myself just not bothering with those sites. It feels somewhat impersonal. I don't know why sending an e-mail seems more personal to me... but it does. I sort of gave up after everyone I tried sending e-mails to told me I could find them on facebook. Now it's been years without contact with these people so it's not like I'm going to try contacting them now.

    So yeah, basically if I don't see people on a regular basis I don't really stay in contact with them.

  5. #5
    Your Huckleberry lethe's Avatar
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    Oh man, I am the worst!

    I just can't seem to find the balance or pace required to keep acquaintances. My tendency is to have an intense, close, constant relationship or nothing at all. Phone calls are awkward, short check ins or "small talk" emails seem meaningless and superficial, and I don't participate in any other social sites like face book. It isn't about desire; I actually really like my grandparents, but they are out of town so out of my life. I feel bad, and miss them, but lack the skills to change anything.

    There have been a few people I've been able to keep, but it's an erratic relationship. We have no contact for years on end, then I randomly contact them. If they are the kind of person who can pick up right where we left off without any guilt trips or questioning about the absence then we are in business. I become intimately involved with regular long emails, hours long phone calls, online chatting, and learn everything about who they are now, thoughts, fears, secrets, etc. We are close friends for a while, then taper off and stop for a few years again. People who can't handle that... well, we end up not staying friends.

    I also can have long-standing online relationships that are just as intimate, but also require constant contact. The problem is those long emails can be draining to write; sometimes when life is too much I don't have a lot to give. I can drop out for a while, which is risky to the relationship. Those that can recover are the ones that stay. I've also found that relationships that started online are easier to maintain online.

    My entire life has been the pattern of intense, intimate friendships and relationships that eventually disappear. Even in grade school I would have a single obsessively close best friend every year who would more likely than not move/be at a different school the next year. This may seem sad or like the relationships aren't meaningful, but they are. I like this model of friendship much better than the norm I've seen in small towns; having the same best friend since kindergarten because of chance or location who you don't even really like or know deeply.
    Don't remember changing this.

  6. #6
    malarkey oxyjen's Avatar
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    Horrible.

    I tried to institute a policy where I had to immediately return an email reply after I read it, since I was apt to read it and then forget about it, losing it to the sea of my inbox. Unfortunately I just accumulated emails that I never opened and read. Then I'd see them and feel guilty that I hadn't read it in after so long, and avoided the whole thing out of guilt.

    Hitting "Like" on facebook pics/statuses is usually the best I can do reliably/consistently.

  7. #7
    Sky Anvil Vison's Avatar
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    I am super bad at keeping in touch. Ive gotten better at it through pushing myself to contact people at regular intervals until some part of me starts to wonder how they are because I havent spoken to them in awhile. That wondering is my que to try and make contact. This thread also prompted me to contact someone.

    All of my long term friends are of the kind that can go long stretches without contact and just slide back into things like there was no break. I am really bad at keeping in touch online. Any friendships I have been able to maintain through the internet have been the exception rather thzn the rule. I do best with regular phone calls, I find hearing the other persons voice anchors me in. Most people of my age group tend to really dislike talking on the phone though.
    Oh fuck it, Its the 90's.

  8. #8
    A Transient Configuration Sistamatic's Avatar
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    I'm down to the friends who can deal with me not keeping in touch. Not in a "fuck you everyone else" kind of way, but because it was inevitable. Some of the more socially demanding people managed to hang on well into my thirties, but they moved on to people who can give them what they need without having to force it. I think it is better this way.

  9. #9
    New Member James's Avatar
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    Im pretty bad at keeping in touch. My brother and I are close, but I haven't spoken to him in weeks. Most of the people who matter to me already understand this about me, so when I do contact them weeks and months later we can pick up where we left off quickly. I dont think it is a lack of caring or laziness, I just have a poor grasp on the flow of time if I am focused on a project or book or anything else that looks shiny.

  10. #10
    Now we know... Asteroids Champion ACow's Avatar
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    Shockingly, like everyone else, i'm awful.

    With my most recent move, its happening again, and I'm trying to stay in vague contact at least with 2-4 people that I think might be worth attempting to keep some vague notion of contact with. But as an empirically minded person, based on my past actions i don't like their chances. Its already been 3 weeks or so here and I haven't contacted anybody :|

    I really should do that, because its not like i know anyone here anyway.

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