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Thread: I don't have the time

  1. #1
    Hasta Siempre Madrigal's Avatar
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    I don't have the time

    I don't have the time for anything. I don't understand how people with much more important things to do and seemingly much busier lives manage to find the time to do so many meaningful things. People who work, study, have families, relationships, and social lives. I want to know the secret. I don't understand.

    My twin sister works, studies, and goes to three different classes as well (all associated with singing and music). My best friend goes to the theater 5 times a week. I have a friend who works in the day and does a post-graduate course. Aside from that, she goes to tango classes, urban gardening classes and some classes about hanging in the air from strips of silk tied to the ceiling or some shit - I dunno what the fuck it's called but that just takes the cake. You fucking have time to suspend yourself in the air and twirl around and shit?! I'm not even going to get into the physics of that considering the size of your ass. I just wanna know how the fuck you do it, I think you deserve some kind of medal for this. (Don't get me wrong, she has a great ass, I don't mean that in any bitchy way, but my poor brain is just not computing any of this.) Oh, and all of these people also have the time to go on dates. I don't even have the time to start looking like a human being for a single night, nevermind actually going somewhere. There's a colombian girl asking me out to the movies, a jewish guy asking me out for a drink, an arab guy asking me out to dinner, I can't even begin to think of everything I'd have to do before seeing them if I actually had the motivation to do so, which I don't. I am hyperventilating right now because another friend is throwing a huge birthday party on Friday and I work until midnight on Fridays. I have to find the time to look like a human being in 4 days. I also have two friends who aren't even in my life but are trying to reconnect with me, and who I'd really like to reconnect with, but I can't even keep up the pace with the few I have now (and becoming fewer, I might add - who the fuck can put up with this).

    I'm isolating myself and I'm starting to forget what the point is of having friends. Not only starting to forget, I'm starting to resent anyone who wants to share time with me. When actually I should thank my lucky stars anyone is still hanging around. My friend's last email to me said she really needed "emotional support". But I didn't give her any. I don't give anyone emotional support. But then neither do I ask for it. And the isolation consolidates itself.

    My last "day off" was like this: two banks, the supermarket, the veterinarian, the hardware store, the pharmacy, the cleaner's, three bills, the rent, the kitchen, my family on the other side of town. That's it! I don't have any more time. A regular day involves a six-hour job and then a translation in the evenings. I am also overseeing two gardens and I'm preparing a third and fourth. I don't know what I do with my hours off, I think I try to do some reading, but what I'd really like to do is study something. Another language, or go back to school, or take one of those courses people take. Or goddamn it just go to the fucking gym.

    How do people have time? I'm not Cristina Kirchner here, I have no excuse not to have time for basic things, it's so ridiculous. But I can't do it. And I don't see an end to this. The only way I can think of having time is by taking a holiday. But I'm so reluctant to plan everything I'd try to catch up on during that brief period, that I never take the holiday either. I just want everything to stop. I want everything around me to freeze like some kind of fairy tale while I catch up on things, including sleep.
    Quote Originally Posted by Hephaestus View Post
    Heh. We've been here years now.

  2. #2
    chaotic neutral shitpost jigglypuff's Avatar
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    for a while this year i had to work during the day for 6 hrs, go to a 6 hr class at night, spend all my weekend doing work for that class and involving my bf in these class projects (he'd do things like drive me and get me food) or else i wouldn't have a relationship anymore. everything had to be scheduled in a way so that i still had time to sleep for 8 hrs at night, or else it would've been impossible. for me getting enough sleep is key to sustaining a schedule like that, but it sux. i barely saw my chickens (i'm not the only one taking care of them so it worked out), had no time for friends of course, and my family would support me by getting out of my way.

    one of the secrets is allowing people to help you with stuff. when you're doing all that you don't have time to get your own groceries, so you have to accept food that people give you. etc. and you'll only have that if you're lucky. you have to be sort of a mooch, which is a difficult idea for really independent people. (my mom saw that my bf was packing my lunches and she said "shame on you" in a joking way. that's what i mean tho. :/)

  3. #3
    Hasta Siempre Madrigal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tele View Post
    for a while this year i had to work during the day for 6 hrs, go to a 6 hr class at night, spend all my weekend doing work for that class and involving my bf in these class projects (he'd do things like drive me and get me food) or else i wouldn't have a relationship anymore. everything had to be scheduled in a way so that i still had time to sleep for 8 hrs at night, or else it would've been impossible. for me getting enough sleep is key to sustaining a schedule like that, but it sux. i barely saw my chickens (i'm not the only one taking care of them so it worked out), had no time for friends of course, and my family would support me by getting out of my way.
    It can become a vicious cycle, because the more obligations and the less fun I'm having, the less energy I have to think of anything fun, the less I want to do anything but "what I have to do". And then you get this warped view of reality where socializing is a waste of time, friends are a luxury for people that don't have anything to do, and time has to be economized always in favor of obligations. And it's not even true, I don't think I'm going to get away with this. I'm not going to be able to do what I'm doing forever, eventually something has to give.

    Quote Originally Posted by Hephaestus View Post
    Heh. We've been here years now.

  4. #4
    chaotic neutral shitpost jigglypuff's Avatar
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    ^ definitely. i know now that i can do it, but it's not how i'd prefer to live. it helps to know that with school it's temporary; you don't have to continue the cycle the next semester unless you're committed to a full-time program.

    btw full-time school will always turn me into a zombie-like unproductive mess, no exceptions. i'm still trying to figure out how people do that and stay healthy.

  5. #5
    Regular Joe stigmatica's Avatar
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    If I could just stop you, I'd write a Novel about all the ways I fucking hate you.
    Don't get me wrong or be too offended, there's nothing more precious to me than you.
    I'm sorry that I have to whore you out to make a living, but I have no choice?
    But I think you like it that way. You're a whore.
    I'd say more, but as always you're in my way.

    Fuck you time.
    Quote Originally Posted by mara View Post
    my crime is that i disrupted the echo chamber

  6. #6
    凸(ಠ_ರೃ )凸 stuck's Avatar
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    I seem to have a picture of you here taking a shot of jagermeister, i'm not buying this rant.

  7. #7
    Hasta Siempre Madrigal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stuck View Post
    I seem to have a picture of you here taking a shot of jagermeister, i'm not buying this rant.
    That was my first holiday in 11 years. <3
    Quote Originally Posted by Hephaestus View Post
    Heh. We've been here years now.

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  9. #9
    chaotic neutral shitpost jigglypuff's Avatar
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    for people who have the issue of not "having time" to see people: has anybody ever told you you were selfish with your time? do you think you're selfish with your time?

    i have to consciously remind myself often that i have a greater need for independence and alone time than most people (basically that most people aren't like this), and although that means i need to see people less, some people still need to see me. i've made effort to spend more of my time with other people, but this has a strong draining effect on me if they keep demanding more. i've also felt that some people were selfish for not respecting this about me, and accepting "who i am." this shit is really complicated. (+ at times i really am selfish.)

  10. #10
    Meae Musae Servus Hephaestus's Avatar
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    I am selfish with my time. I don't see anything wrong with that. It's my fucking time. It's all I have. I see nothing shameful about using it to serve me as much as I can. The way I see it, if people have a problem with me being selfish with my time, then they can fuck off on out of my life in a huff. I don't really care, because that'll be one less person preying on my time--and if they don't value my time for me enough to allow me to have all that I can grab, I don't need them in my life. They're clearly a drain on me.
    I'm suspicious of people who say they'll die for a flag but won't wear a mask for their neighbor.

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