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Thread: True facts about the UK

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    <3 gator's Avatar
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    True facts about the UK

    An ongoing list of findings in my ethnographic research. Feel free to add your own observations.

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    <3 gator's Avatar
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    Things never close; they shut.

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    Every poetry open mic in London will contain at minimum one poem about Wetherspoons.

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    Like the undead, London fleas can only be killed by severing their heads.

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    Mens bona regnum possidet ferrus's Avatar
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    I wonder if this could form the basis for a 21st century version of this.
    Die Logik ist keine Lehre, sondern ein Spiegelbild der Welt. Die Logik ist transcendental. - Wittgenstein

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    You don't get "take-out" for dinner, you get "take-away", which is just plain wrong.

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    Senior Member Limes's Avatar
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    I'm going to shamelessly pilfer from the going native list, like a good hack.


    • You decide that your weight sounds a lot more optimistic in stones than it does in pounds, or kilos.
    • You begin to use the construction: " Have you got?" not " Do you have?" (The answer is no anyway)
    • You start saying self-effacing, apologetic things like I'm sorry about that, I'm afraid that, Forgive me, I hope you don't mind, as conversational filler. (Sorry about that)
    • You try to stifle the urge to say to Brit. whiners: "Stop waiting for the government to do it for you. Take responsibility for your own life."
    • You become guarded about which newspaper you associate yourself with, or are willing to be seen reading publicly. (oh, the Guardian...[instant judgments and associations made])
    • You get into the habit of waiting for the sun to shine to eat ice cream
    • You get drawn into UK conversations about the COST of bloody well everything.
    • You drop the article "the" in relation to going to [the] hospital.
    • You realize that you can have anything you like... Except what you want.
    • You miss hot water pressure and have to jump around in the shower to get wet and have to wash and rinse your hair before the water goes cold.
    • You marvel at the veritable torrent of water used as enough water for an African village is used to send your poo on its merry way.
    • You are occasionally rendered totally immobile by internal panic when you lose track: Chips are crisps, no, french fries are chips, no chips are cookies, er.. cookies are biscuits, er.. biscuits are hard and crunchy and sweet... er no, er .. biscuits are what you mop up your gravy with... English muffins are impossible to find in England... er the First floor is the ground floor... no... it's the second floor... the scampi is a prawn... a shrimp is a lobster tail.. a prawn is a shrimp...
    • The word "interesting" as a conversational response actually means that something you said was interesting, not disturbingly unusual.
    • A few near death experiences have caused you to look right before crossing the road.
    • Someone tells you to "have a nice day" and you have to wonder if they were sarcastically telling you to go forth and multiply.
    • You can spot visiting North Americans just by looking at their clothes.
    • You can finally appreciate the magnificence of a properly made bacon and egg sandwich, on good bread.

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    <3 gator's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ferrus View Post
    I wonder if this could form the basis for a 21st century version of this.
    Maybe!

    Quote Originally Posted by Limey View Post
    • You marvel at the veritable torrent of water used as enough water for an African village is used to send your poo on its merry way.
    OMG the toilets here do use a lot of water! Like easily four times as much as what seems like should be needed.

    • Someone tells you to "have a nice day" and you have to wonder if they were sarcastically telling you to go forth and multiply.
    And I wonder a little any time someone says they'll see me next Tuesday...

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    Everything at the grocery store comes packaged in four layers of plastic that may or may not be recycleable.

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    Mens bona regnum possidet ferrus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Limey View Post
    • A few near death experiences have caused you to look right before crossing the road.
    I usually get the opposite of this every time I travel.
    Die Logik ist keine Lehre, sondern ein Spiegelbild der Welt. Die Logik ist transcendental. - Wittgenstein

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