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Thread: Little embarassments that don't deserve their own thread

  1. #11
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    The other night while out in town I was introduced to a rather charming new acquaintance. We went through the usual polite smalltalk à la "So, what do you do for a living?". He turned out to be a veterinarian. Since I keep a bird as a pet and good avian vets are hard to find, I asked him, "Kennen Sie sich mit Vögeln aus?" - literally: "Are you an expert of birds?". He paused for a moment and it dawned on me that I had just colloquially asked him, "Are you an expert at shagging?"

    ...he was humoured enough to give me his card and to tell me I should make an appointment to find out.


  2. #12
    Merry Christmas Dot's Avatar
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    I hate it when I accidentally make inappropriate jokes :/ I've been doing that a lot lately.
    "Better not to feel too much until the crisis ends—and if it never ends, at least we’ll have suffered a little less, developed a useful dullness...The constant—and very real—fear of being hurt, the fear of death, of intolerable loss, or even of “mere” humiliation, leads each of us, the citizens and prisoners of the conflict, to dampen our own vitality, our emotional and intellectual range, and to cloak ourselves in more and more protective layers until we suffocate." - Toni Morrison

  3. #13
    singularity precursor Limey's Avatar
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    I had a client that was pretty posh this week. I dressed as I normally dress, business casual, shirt, tie, trousers, shoes. Apparently, their dress code was full suit. I had to go to dinner in a big ass cheap loaner jacket, that made me look like Tom Hanks in Philadelphia.
    But the Pan seared duck in spicy asian sauce with a side of buttered mushrooms was exquisite. so fuck it. The shrivel dicks all around us were babbling about the shock of finding one of them was atheist and listening to his justification was painful to overhear, so everything evened itself out.
    "Jesus was not a poof and neither was he married."
    -Guess who

  4. #14
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    Just sent my (female, very religious) childhood friend a message on Whatsapp: "By JOVE, guess who just jogged past my kitchen window! The PAINTER!!!"

    - "what painter?"

    "The portrait painter whom I left standing in his bedroom naked two years ago because he didn't know how many symphonies Haydn wrote."

    - "...WTF dude"

    ...at which point it occurred to me that I had never actually told her the story because I thought it was way too embarrassing.

    Too late now

  5. #15
    dormant
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    i think i just earned my INTP card back

    "well... see you guys... never?"

    who the fuck says that at the last day of a job?

    nobody answer that. i almost crashed on my way home just thinking about it.

    it's the most darwin awards-type thing i've done socially in a really, really long time. granted, i've done it before at the end of jobs with people who get me. this time, though...

  6. #16
    a cantori Perdix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dot View Post
    I hate it when I accidentally make inappropriate jokes :/ I've been doing that a lot lately.
    You just have to own it, like pretty much everything else.

  7. #17
    Merry Christmas Dot's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prometheus View Post
    You just have to own it, like pretty much everything else.
    Don't advise me.
    "Better not to feel too much until the crisis ends—and if it never ends, at least we’ll have suffered a little less, developed a useful dullness...The constant—and very real—fear of being hurt, the fear of death, of intolerable loss, or even of “mere” humiliation, leads each of us, the citizens and prisoners of the conflict, to dampen our own vitality, our emotional and intellectual range, and to cloak ourselves in more and more protective layers until we suffocate." - Toni Morrison

  8. #18
    Otaku
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    Quote Originally Posted by tele View Post
    "well... see you guys... never?"

    who the fuck says that at the last day of a job?

    nobody answer that. i almost crashed on my way home just thinking about it.

    it's the most darwin awards-type thing i've done socially in a really, really long time. granted, i've done it before at the end of jobs with people who get me. this time, though...
    I said the same thing on the last day of my internship -- "when are you coming back to visit?" "I didn't know I was going to." Only when some people seemed genuinely shocked did I realize it was ill-advised. And then whenever I ask others to make sure I actually did something wrong, the response is always, why the fuck would you say that.

  9. #19
    dormant
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kyuri View Post
    I said the same thing on the last day of my internship -- "when are you coming back to visit?" "I didn't know I was going to." Only when some people seemed genuinely shocked did I realize it was ill-advised. And then whenever I ask others to make sure I actually did something wrong, the response is always, why the fuck would you say that.
    ughhh. i absolutely hate lying but it's a lesson learned: come up with something bullshit cuz it doesn't matter what you do when you're gone. usually i have trouble fitting into the culture of places already so it's almost funny how i'd go out by committing social suicide. it's gonna hurt asking for a recommendation/ref but the one person i'm asking complimented my work & i didn't drop that geniusbomb when he was there, thank gawd.

    i could've punched myself right there tho.

    my favorite workplace goodbye: "you will be missed." it doesn't put anybody on the spot.

  10. #20
    Perfect is Shit LowIQLogan's Avatar
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    I say goodbye forever in a lot of these types of situations.

    Yesterday I went to watch my girlfriend's little brother's high school band's concert. Before the band concert there were a bunch of other performances by highschool kids that I didnt know would be there like poetry readings, choir, color gaurd, drama things, and improv. Most were cringe worthy as is expected. I think usually I try to be understanding about this kind of thing. But there was one improv group who was especially bad, and one kid imparticular who crashed and burned to the point that I had a strong nervous laugh attack watching him stutter and say things that made no sense like "ill buy the most expensive hot dog in the metallica mosh pit for you". No one else was laughing which I guess was my first sign because the crowd had been pretty ruthless up untill then, heckling and laughing at mistakes and such. My girlfriend kept jabbing me telling me to stop whenever I giggled at this kid.

    When he walked off the stage I realized he was blind.
    "A new immortal appeared in front of you. Would you like preparations of inception?"

    aka HappyNoodleBoy

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