Date: Friday October 31st, 2014
Time: 7:13pm
Place: Mojave, California
The Cast:
Dirac
Dot
LowIQLogan
Slab_Bulkhead
Utisz
Osito Polar
Light Leak
lethe
Hephaestus
Dr. Ahcir
Noir
Polemarch
Granny Smith
P-O
tele
The INTPs were hanging out in a rented house off I-58 in Mojave. They were way out in the desert, drinking beers on their outdoor furniture and talking about the days events. It was a Halloween party, so they were in costumes.
Dirac was dressed as Jon Snow
Dot was dressed as Little Ninja Orphan Annie
LowIQLogan was dressed as SubZero
Slab_Bulkhead was dressed as Jon Snow
Utisz was dressed as a zombie Captain Jack Sparrow
Osito Polar was dressed as Obi Wan Kenobi
Light Leak was dressed as Trinity
Lethe was dressed as Katness
Hephaestus was dressed as Fred, from Scooby Doo
Dr. Ahcir was dressed as Dexter
Noir was dressed as 80's Hulk Hogan
Polemarch was dressed as a guy from Duck Dynasty
Granny Smith was dressed as Grover
P-O was dressed as Zorro
tele was dressed as The Bride
"Goddammit, Dirac! AGAIN?" said Slab_Bulkhead
Dirac turned wearily and just gave a mostly-defeated shrug. He pouted like a half-drowned puppy.
"Damn, that was good."
Dirac just sighed and the two walked over to the party together in awkward silence.
"WHOA! Check this out, Hulkamaniacs and wrestling fans!" growled Noir as they approached "Looks like we're in for a SNOWstorm!" He carefully arranged his oversized blonde mustache and took a large gulp out of his Solo cup.
Slab almost threw up at his mouth after he got the joke. He looked at Dirac who whispered "No, brother. Our road ahead will be hard, but we've got to press on."
As they got to the front of the house where the main body of the party was gathered, they overheard a conversation about the days events.
"So, why do YOU think SpaceshipTwo really blew up?" asked LowIQLogan.
"Probably a combination of the kinds of mechanical failure you get with early test spacecraft, possibly pilot error and, you know, regular old bad luck." said Light Leak.
"No, that's not how this is done. You can't just blurt out the right answer. You have to overthink it first." said Logan.
"Oh, so like we're supposed to say they were sabotaged by jealous engineers from NASA or something?" asked Light Leak.
"Better in that it's less actually plausible, but it's maybe more of an INTJ answer." piped in tele.
"OH how about this -- it was aliens that did it!" chimed in Lethe.
"GREAT!" said LowIQLogan "But why?"
"It was because they flew too high for humans using a home-grown technology. It was a spacecraft not based on the technologies they originally gave the U.S. government back in Roswell. They're afraid that if we continue researching this technology path, we'll discover secrets the aliens don't want us to have. Something that threatens them." said Hephaestus.
"Holy shit that was good." Logan leaned the top back on his plastic lawn-lounger and stared up at the stars.
"Or it coulda been vampires." said Dr. Ahcir.
"Okay, that's an interesting competing theory, please explain." responded Hephaestus.
"It's because they don't want humans to expand beyond the home planet. It would give them too many opportunities to harness the power of the sun to wield it against their undead masters." said Dr. Ahcir.
"Wait, don't you mean OUR undead masters, like as in humans, you know, like US?" asked Logan.
"Yeah. Of course. I meant like our undead masters, we humans in the unlikely speculative scenario in which these vampires exist." said the Dr.
"He's admitting the weakness of the scenario. Because it's aliens." said Hephaestus and raised his beer towards Lethe.
"Or it could be because the vampires are so very old. They're superstitious and they think if humans travel too far from Earth we'll encounter angels or relics of God that we could use to destroy them." offered Osito Polar.
"Oh someone please kill me, it sounds like another Oso thread about God and the Bible. We get it, you're a stealth-Catholic. Enough, please?" said Polemarch.
"I just meant that undead monsters who were born hundreds of years ago might believe that stuff. Like imagine Dick Cheney and Glenn Beck but who drink the blood of poor people literally." said Osito.
"You have to admit, that does sound plausible." said Hephaestus.
"Yeah." added Dr. Ahcir.
The conversation was interrupted by a loud chorus of "I'M SEXY AND I KNOW IT" followed by the bass beats.
Utisz answered his phone.
"Uh huh. Yeah, dad."
"Who's that?" asked tele.
"MacGuffin." whispered Light Leak.
"He's Utisz's father?" tele followed up.
"Considering what an inbred circle-jerk this community is and how long he's been in it, he could be any of our fathers."
"That must make things awkward for him."
Light Leak chuckled and went back to eavesdropping on Utisz.
"Oh, all right. Yeah, sure, we'll come out and meet you there. Sure. Hang on let me write down the GPS coordinates.
Uh-huh. See you soon."
"What's up, Cap'n Utisz?" asked tele.
"Hey! MacGuffin says he found some debris from the downed SpaceshipTwo! He's going to check it out and we can help him bring it back here, whatever it is. Who wants to drive? I can navigate us out there."
"No. That's a fucking terrible idea." said LowIQLogan.
"Yeah, really bad." said Lethe.
"Why? I think it sounds like fun. We'll take pictures! Maybe we'll get to meet Sir Richard Branson." said Utisz.
"Don't you watch movies? When some guy named MACGUFFIN with a beard goes wandering into the desert ALONE at NIGHT to investigate a DOWNED SPACECRAFT what do you think the odds are that this ends well for us if we investigate his disappearance?" asked Lethe.
"He's not disappeared." said Utisz.
"Call him back."
Utisz did and put it on speakerphone. The INTPs were silent as the phone rang six times, clicked over to a message of
Three long blubbery sobs of gin-soaked self-loathing followed by a long beep.
"Yeah, umm ... dad? Call me back. It's Utisz."
"Right. So. He's disappeared." said Lethe. "Add to my earlier list that he's probably drunk, and in my imagination he pulled a flashlight out of his back pocket in the darkness and when he clicked it on the bulb came on all yellow because he forgot to change the batteries."
"We've ... got to go after him." said Utisz.
"We will avenge him!" said Hephaestus.
"Let's not jump to conclusions." said LowIQLogan.
"Oh, right. We'll investigate his death and then avenge him." said Hephaestus.
"Yeah! Stay positive, brother!" said Noir, slapping him on the back. "WE'RE DOING THIS!"
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