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Thread: Literary Review's Bad Sex Awards

  1. #1
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    Literary Review's Bad Sex Awards

    The 2014 finalists have been announced. Who do you think will win this year?

    Or do they all make you cringe as much as I do?

  2. #2
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    The sheer existence of such an award, though well-meant, is cringe-worthy itself. Is this what literary discussion has boiled down to in our century, describing processes any instinct-driven turtle is capable of in every medical detail?

    ...Also, sad to see Murakami losing his inspiration. Granted, he was always absurd, but he made absurdity enticing. What happened to the muse which bestowed upon him the ideas such as for The Wind-Up Bird Chronicles? Pity, pity.

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    I largely agree with the choices. I personally found them difficult to masturbate to.

    In particular, having to Google "pudenda" was a bit of a mood killer.

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    chaotic neutral shitpost jigglypuff's Avatar
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    i was expecting worse. there HAS to be so much worse out there, but these people don't read bad books.

    from what i've read of murakami tho i've always found his sex scenes really awkward. i'm pretty harsh when it comes to shameless male fantasy, ha.

  5. #5
    tableau vivant MoneyJungle's Avatar
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    I've heard of these before. I always thought they were for good writing about bad sex. Turns out they're for bad writing about sex in general. I'm tempted to pick the fourth selection May-Lan Tan, but I get the impression that she is writing from the perspective of an insecure and inarticulate guy who is exaggerating his exploits and that guy might say "like sticking my cock in the sun" to denote an enjoyable experience.

    My winner is the first selection by Kristy Wark. That sentence just won't quit.

    Glimpses do ye seem to see of that mortally intolerable truth; that all deep, earnest thinking is but the intrepid effort of the soul to keep the open independence of her sea; while the wildest winds of heaven and earth conspire to cast her on the treacherous, slavish shore?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Utisz View Post
    In particular, having to Google "pudenda" was a bit of a mood killer.
    Same. I kept tripping over that one.

  7. #7
    Mens bona regnum possidet ferrus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MoneyJungle View Post
    My winner is the first selection by Kristy Wark. That sentence just won't quit.
    There is a bit of cognitive dissonance for myself when you consider that here she is one of the main presenters on most of the 'highbrow' news and politics programs that the BBC produces.

    Oh and I have read too many vaguely lurid journals by 19th century explorers of Africa and South America to be much put off by the word 'pudenda'.
    Die Logik ist keine Lehre, sondern ein Spiegelbild der Welt. Die Logik ist transcendental. - Wittgenstein

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    chaotic neutral shitpost jigglypuff's Avatar
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    #5
    I unbuttoned my pants, pushing them down past my hips, and my beast, finally released from its cage, sprang up wildly. I started inching my way back up, continuing to stimulate her manually, until the beast found its way in.
    "the beast"

    #7
    And when it hits her, it slams her hard and fast, as life once had.
    lol

    #9 is too awkward and sounds too horrible to quote

    it's hard to really tell with passages that are taken out of context, so idk.

  9. #9
    Mens bona regnum possidet ferrus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tele View Post
    #5

    "the beast"
    I though in that particular quote the most egregious aspect was the clause 'she was as hot as boiling water in a distillation flask' - which not only makes it a bad sex scene but also simply bad writing, with a metaphor so strained it would be embarrassing in the writing of a twelve year old.
    Die Logik ist keine Lehre, sondern ein Spiegelbild der Welt. Die Logik ist transcendental. - Wittgenstein

  10. #10
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    She was as hot as boiling water in a distillation flask that had been left outside on a dark and stormy night ravished by scintillating raindrops that were of a lukewarm temperature

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