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Thread: friendship

  1. #1
    schlemiel Faust's Avatar
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    friendship

    How would you describe the foundation of your friendships - convenient, or remarkable?

    I once thought my tendency towards long-term friendship is to collect interesting folk by mere chance and futilely try to stay in touch. In practice, it hasn't worked out that way. Interesting people aren't so receptive to friendship, or would eventually cease to be interesting under the guise of friendship. Most friends in the past have had a different temperament than mine, with some intellectual common-ground I suppose but nearly all have been a) extroverts, b) rather convenient (excluding relationships). My narrow view of 'interesting' includes shared thought nearly always in contrived environments, and has nothing to do with mystery or aloofness. Not to say these are one-trick ponies but there's generally little nothing to say to these people on a regular basis, especially if they're as introverted as I am. I know an eccentric extrovert who's great to talk to about jazz and music in general, but I sense we couldn't even force a friendship between us if we tried - we have our occasional 'moments', more-so at concerts, but that's as far as we go. It has me thinking that friends, whether they enjoy the occasional in-depth conversation or otherwise, either need a tolerance for the mundane or engage just to break from solitude. I'd venture to say introverts make horrible friends, in general. One or the other has to fill the role of the extrovert to succeed. A friend is like an old habit.

  2. #2
    Tsundoku LordLatch's Avatar
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    Don't everybody answer all at once.

    It's rare for me to find someone compatible with me. I have roundabout five who after not talking to them for years, we can pick up like we never stopped talking. Everybody else is really just acquaintances.
    That's my poop stirrin' stick- Don't touch it! You don't know which end is the handle..

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Faust View Post
    I once thought my tendency towards long-term friendship is to collect interesting folk by mere chance and futilely try to stay in touch. In practice, it hasn't worked out that way. Interesting people aren't so receptive to friendship, or would eventually cease to be interesting under the guise of friendship.
    Yeah, I've had pretty much the same experience. I used to be friends with people based on their entertainment value, but that gets significantly more difficult after graduation when your choices get whittled down significantly. Now I make friends with people mostly out of convenience, but sometimes try to connect with people who seem interesting from afar but usually turn out to be pretty ordinary once you get to know them. I think my universe is too small to find people who are truly interesting, or maybe I'm just not that interested in people who are truly interesting because they're too unlike my boring self. I have a handful of friends with whom I feel a more-than-convenience based connection, but I haven't actually made a friend like that in ages. I'm just relieved to be married because my husband fulfills a lot of my social needs.

  4. #4
    schlemiel Faust's Avatar
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    I think my universe got smaller than I'm comfortable with. I look forward to going back east for the holidays, but I'll want to go back soon after.

  5. #5
    non-canonical Light Leak's Avatar
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    I was going to answer this and thinking about it I realized that I'm not sure I even have any friends left. Maybe I do, but I haven't talked to them in awhile. I'm not sure if they still consider me a friend.

    Either way, whether I still have friends left or not I can't really explain how it works. Just some people click with me. I guess they usually have similar interests, but it's more than just that. I've had convenience friendships but I tend to drift from those people fairly quickly.

    Edit:
    Spoiler: This thread made me think of this

  6. #6
    tableau vivant MoneyJungle's Avatar
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    Sadly, most of the people I actually attract are extroverted bullies who have misread me. I don't have anyone in in this city to go out for coffee with and I've lived here for roughly twenty non-consecutive years. I've done pretty well, elsewhere, but those relationships are annual birthday calls or nothing. Every time I feel lonely I just go out in public and listen to people's conversations and think "I want no part of that." I find people my age are looking to fuck and fulfill their social needs from there.

    Glimpses do ye seem to see of that mortally intolerable truth; that all deep, earnest thinking is but the intrepid effort of the soul to keep the open independence of her sea; while the wildest winds of heaven and earth conspire to cast her on the treacherous, slavish shore?

  7. #7
    <3 gator's Avatar
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    Convenience, mostly. I would love to be the kind of person who maintains strong friendships with interesting people but in practice, I'm probably better friends with people I see regularly. I'm not very good at thinking about or initiating contact with people that I don't already habitually see.

    I attract a lot of extroverts who are looking for an audience.

  8. #8
    Sysop Ptah's Avatar
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    I'm not sure I understand the convenience vs. remarkable angle. Anyhow, I'd say my friends are (at "foundation") those people with whom I share some value(s) such that time spent together is mutually enjoyable, sans drama, etc. From there, friends are those who I'd offer help to, and receive help from, if/as necessary, etc. And so, trust and such develops, etc.

    People are who people are. Either I get along with them, or I don't. Either we may become friends, or not. I don't really see it as "convenient" or "remarkable", but perhaps I've misunderstood.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Thoth's Avatar
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    I think friendships of convenience are healthier than ones that are remarkable. The former is often because you may have connected in some way due to psychological and/or sociological similarities that are not always apparent. The later, in my opinion, is usually due to feelings of inadequacy, either socially, emotionally, or intellectually. If one's self worth is based on the perceived social currency of the friends they keep, they're doing it wrong.

    EDIT: I am reading convenience to mean "you just clicked." While remarkable to mean they possess some quality you and others place higher value on, thus sought their friendship.

  10. #10
    libertine librarian sandwitch's Avatar
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    There are a lot of people who seem to consider me a friend who I'm mostly ambivalent about. If I were to live nearby them on a permanent basis, I suppose they'd be friends of convenience.

    Then there are people who I intentionally go out of my way to see. I suppose they are remarkable, in that regard at the very least. I am really lazy about socializing.

    There are people in both groups who I have known over long periods of time. Some are from different times in my life, so they used to be closer friends than they are now. Moving around a lot does strange things to friendship, I think.
    I wanna see your goodreads, so add me.

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