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Thread: Daydreaming problems

  1. #1
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    Daydreaming problems

    My son is 9.

    His teacher told us that he does not follow the class.
    He does not know which page they are on, he does not follow directions like write a headline or date.
    He also makes a lot of mistakes on exams.
    Mistakes that when i explain them to him and he concentrates he understands.
    I think he does not find his external environment ( class, homework) interesting enough so he daydreams more interesting things.
    Also at home we have to remind him all the time to wash his hands before eating, do his teeth and go to toilet before going to sleep or wear his seat belt in the car.
    All the time.
    Other than that he is very active.
    He likes to play a lot with friends and alone with video games.
    He is doing training for football, tennis and dance.
    He chose all of them by himslef and he is doing pretty good.
    Also he make good conversations when the topic is of his interest.

    We need to find a solution for the school though cause he is going downhill and i am afraid he will lose all the basic learning that will cripple him in the future and may be lose his selfesteem.

    Any ideas?
    Last edited by username; 12-09-2014 at 11:57 AM.

  2. #2
    schlemiel Faust's Avatar
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    I had the same issue at his age. At the very least you have some control over the homework session which is arguably the most important in impacting his grades. On the whole if he can complete and understand those well, the classroom boredom won't penalize him so much. He already sounds active, so there isn't much to do about classroom daydreaming aside from pills or a trial 'gifted' environment.

  3. #3
    Meae Musae Servus Hephaestus's Avatar
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    ^^^Like Faust, that sounds like you are describing my childhood.

    Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.
    I'm suspicious of people who say they'll die for a flag but won't wear a mask for their neighbor.

  4. #4
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    Perhaps sit him down and explain to him that a minimum amount of "work" (such as following the most basic of his teachers' instructions, or merely reading through his notes the night before an exam) will actually save him a lot of hassle, compared to "no work" which creates an awful lot of it.

    ...like father, like son!

  5. #5
    Meae Musae Servus Hephaestus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sappho View Post
    Perhaps sit him down and explain to him that a minimum amount of "work" (such as following the most basic of his teachers' instructions, or merely reading through his notes the night before an exam) will actually save him a lot of hassle, compared to "no work" which creates an awful lot of it.
    This doesn't work as well as it should. The problem is he might be clever enough to recognize which category the "work" ostensibly belongs to.

    There is work that must be done.

    There is work that needs to be done, but doesn't have to be done right now.

    There is work that doesn't need to be done.

    And the last insidious major category:

    Work that needs to be done now, unless it isn't done on time, at which point, it doesn't need to be done ever.

    Schoolwork falls into the last category.

    That's why you have to emphasize not hassle, but life limiting consequences (which may or may not be under the umbrella of "hassle")--not that that is guaranteed to work on a clever child. It takes the right sort of dullness to be concerned about which horrifyingly banal futures you have available to you to pursue (but probably fail at getting).

    Just never let him find out that he can make more money hauling trash than flipping burgers, or that he can make almost as much flipping burgers as he could with most of the jobs a couple tiers up--or that Walgreens courts college graduates to be store clerks--or that the biggest difference between "bad" jobs and "good" jobs seems to be that "good" jobs own your ass more tightly. It will seriously fuck up his value system and faith in meritocracy.
    I'm suspicious of people who say they'll die for a flag but won't wear a mask for their neighbor.

  6. #6
    schlemiel Faust's Avatar
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    Agreed that foresight is a good motivator.

  7. #7
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    My wife talked to the teacher who promised to encourage him.
    Next day our son told us that his teacher thought that he was trying to " blind" her with the reflexion of sun rays using his book.
    She then said to him in fornt of the class" your mother almost cried yesterday when we were talking about you and your performance/behavior".
    So that was her encouragement.
    My son told his mother that he feels worthless in the class.

    I really don't know what is the right course of action here.
    My wife talked to her again and told her not to offend our son infront of the classroom.
    The teacher denied that she did that and accused our son for playing during the english lesson.
    We verfied through another parent of our son's classmate that she did say those things to our son.
    I will go see the teacher next week and hopefully sense what is really going on.
    In other words i need more information in order to decide how to handle this.
    But in any case i cannot be in the classroom and watch what is really going on.
    Tough.
    Last edited by username; 12-12-2014 at 12:33 PM.

  8. #8
    schlemiel Faust's Avatar
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    I'm not surprised. It's been proven that boys are more likely to be graded based on their behavior. I'd imagine most gradeschool teachers are tools, cases like these can't be helped much beyond scorn, but there will likely be an improvement in performance and confidence in the future, hopefully.

  9. #9
    Hasta Siempre Madrigal's Avatar
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    I haven't the slightest clue why I never failed a grade in primary school, this was basically my situation. My "listening" score was unrateable (seriously - report cards didn't even rate it with a letter as was customary, and I was subjected to listening tests that came out fine). If I hadn't been an early 80s child, you know, back when this was still called "daydreaming", I'd have been on pills my whole life.

    My parents tried everything, from getting me to study with people to monitoring my homework as much as they could, but in the classroom, when it mattered, I just didn't pay attention, and nothing could force me. You can be staring at the teacher listening to what they say, but in a few minutes you're imperceptibly daydreaming about some tangent your mind has taken, thinking about what it would be like in the tree outside the window or whatever. I was the female Calvin & Hobbes.

    This straightened itself out (sort of) when I was immersed in a more demanding environment. Much more demanding. Not because I was smart, I wasn't special, but as they say here in Spanish, I was "a daughter of rigor" - only a sense of urgency could get me to complete tasks, and there had to be a certain baseline urgency at any given time. I was transfered to a school system in grade 5 where kids were learning algebra and trigonometry vs the Canadian system where we had just begun to learn fractions. And that was just math. Sciences, languages and social studies required much more work, memorizing and dedication. This was a very poor country in the Caribbean, literally a banana republic, but they worked with an old British colonial system that was quite unforgiving. You do or die, and I did. High school was exactly the same way, and the demanding level of the courses was the only thing that kept my daydreaming from taking over most of the time (I still daydreamed a lot but it didn't threaten my grades).

    It wasn't very fun, and honestly, I don't know if I learned any important life skills because of it. But it kept me from lagging behind and that's what everyone else wanted.
    Quote Originally Posted by Hephaestus View Post
    Heh. We've been here years now.

  10. #10
    Always late to the show Sol4rplexus's Avatar
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    OP, you perfectly described my situation in class when I was that age.
    What helped me become more conscious about things is to focus on my goals and keep telling myself that if I don't pay attention now, I won't be able to reach them and will be stuck in this uncomfortable situation here forever.
    It's difficult to keep interrupting your daydreams when they come crawling to you every time you get bored in class, and at some point it may seem like self-punishment, but it is doable. Some coffee and enough sleep will help, too, because I'm usually more easily distracted when I'm tired.

    My advice to you is to help your son with homework as much as you can, if he doesn't want to do it alone. But it is also important to make him aware of what will happen and where he will end up if he keeps letting his mind distract him when he needs to pay attention and doesn't put enough effort into school. Also, give him enough opportunities to show or tell you about his ideas and dreams in his free time in order to help restore balance for the creativity that is being suppressed at school. Play creative games with him such as doing some brainstorming on a sheet of paper then writing a short story out of those words together, roleplay, draw, visit the science and technology museum, or craft clay sculptures with him then give them names and background stories.

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