Social Energy Polarization
Here's a thought that came up as a tangent I explored during some introspection/reflection recently.
In the classic introvert sense, my energy for social situations burns out quickly. Related, dealing with extroverts accelerates the burn-out, proportional to how energetically extroverted they are in my general direction.
And as I mentioned before, something I'd noticed early on about being around my ex-wife (who is a very energetic extrovert, as they come) is that I wasn't finding myself feeling burnt-out, as above. Rather, I was attracted to and fascinated by her behavior, which kept me from feeling the need to withdraw or recharge, as I might when dealing with energetic extroverts otherwise.
But as I look things over, I suspect I may have discovered what lurks in the shadow of this dynamic. While I wasn't feeling the need to withdraw, to recharge, I was in effect burning through socially-interactive energy nonetheless...I simply wasn't aware of it. So, for instance, I can recall many times where I'd spend the day out at some social whatever with her, more or less socially present beyond what I'd normally stomach, only to crash hard into a "recharge" of alone time thereafter, almost fitfully, at its worst.
At the same time, I reflect and observe that while I could sustain a social presence and interactivity while out with her, the longer things dragged on, the more exclusively at-her/through-her did my social activity become. For instance, if she and I were out with a larger group, while I wouldn't feel my social battery draining, nor would I realize that I'm already withdrawing from dealing with other people, in effect, while my interactivity began to orbit hers, lens the rest of the outing through hers, etc. And then, as above, crash hard into an introverted black hole of alone-time thereafter.
Basically, she polarized my whole dynamic of spending and recovering socially-interactive energy. And upon this supervened, in wider reflection, all manner of other dynamics that wound up contributing to if not partially causing the end of our relationship.
To be clear, I'm not pointing the finger at her. Just dissecting my own behavior as influenced by hers, which is, of course, a matter of my own personal responsibility.
Lessons learned.
Bookmarks