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Thread: INTP JohnClay & ENFP wife

  1. #21
    just dont think about it mhc's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JohnClay View Post
    BTW lately me wife often says "I'm in love" and I'd only say "I love you". "I'm in love" would be similar to "loving them dearly". Perhaps the transition would involve me feeling like she is amazing in nearly every single way including her appearance.
    i might be wrong, but it seems that you may be projecting your ideals of who you think your wife is onto her, rather than seeing her as who she is - and that perhaps you love that ideal when she conforms to it. if so, than perhaps for you to feel in love, you need to love her for who she is, rather than who you see her to be. and, perhaps she seeks out men who do this behaviour, because she doesn't like the image she has of herself.
    Just look at the blue sky

  2. #22
    Married Mouth-breather JohnClay's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mhc View Post
    i might be wrong, but it seems that you may be projecting your ideals of who you think your wife is onto her, rather than seeing her as who she is - and that perhaps you love that ideal when she conforms to it. if so, than perhaps for you to feel in love, you need to love her for who she is, rather than who you see her to be. and, perhaps she seeks out men who do this behaviour, because she doesn't like the image she has of herself.
    I'm not sure what you mean by "you may be projecting your ideals of who you think your wife is onto her"

    I thought "ideals" were positive things.

    How can I know who she really is? - all I know is how I see her.

  3. #23
    Married Mouth-breather JohnClay's Avatar
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    BTW as far as me complaining about my wife goes, I usually can find something I dislike about any girl, no matter how attractive, even if it is a visible collarbone or neck tendons (which my wife doesn't have). By being put off from other women it means that I don't feel like I'm losing out with my wife.

  4. #24
    Tsundoku LordLatch's Avatar
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    Yeah, chic neck tendons are the worst.
    Stand clear of the closing doors, please.

  5. #25
    just dont think about it mhc's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JohnClay View Post
    I'm not sure what you mean by "you may be projecting your ideals of who you think your wife is onto her"
    it might be better for you if you sourced the information for yourself

    I thought "ideals" were positive things.
    anything can be anything, like a hair could be something that grows on a head, or part of an analogy used to describe something else like splitting hairs.

    How can I know who she really is? - all I know is how I see her.
    thats going to be a tuff one, specially since you have eyes.

    sometimes more can be learned about a person by looking to the motifs of their actions, rather than looking at the actions themselves
    Just look at the blue sky

  6. #26
    Married Mouth-breather JohnClay's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mhc View Post
    it might be better for you if you sourced the information for yourself


    anything can be anything, like a hair could be something that grows on a head, or part of an analogy used to describe something else like splitting hairs.


    thats going to be a tuff one, specially since you have eyes.

    sometimes more can be learned about a person by looking to the motifs of their actions, rather than looking at the actions themselves
    Do you mean the "motives" of their actions?

  7. #27
    just dont think about it mhc's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JohnClay View Post
    Do you mean the "motives" of their actions?
    exactly, for example, someone may avoid speaking about a point being made by constantly seeking clarification
    Just look at the blue sky

  8. #28
    Married Mouth-breather JohnClay's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mhc View Post
    i might be wrong, but it seems that you may be projecting your ideals of who you think your wife is onto her, rather than seeing her as who she is - and that perhaps you love that ideal when she conforms to it. if so, than perhaps for you to feel in love, you need to love her for who she is, rather than who you see her to be. and, perhaps she seeks out men who do this behaviour, because she doesn't like the image she has of herself.
    BTW I did feel "in love" with my crushes - or at least I thought they were quite perfect. With my wife she just seems like a real person rather than a goddess.

  9. #29
    Married Mouth-breather JohnClay's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mhc View Post
    exactly, for example, someone may avoid speaking about a point being made by constantly seeking clarification
    I want to respond accurately to what you said rather than a half-formed opinion about what you possibly meant.

  10. #30
    Married Mouth-breather JohnClay's Avatar
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    As far as the motives of my wife's actions goes I don't think I can accurately speculate maybe she wants to feel secure in the relationship. Recently she kept on asking "do you love me?" and I'd reply with things like "of course I do, why do you keep asking?"

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