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Thread: Mentorship

  1. #1
    <3 gator's Avatar
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    Mentorship

    Do you have a mentor in your professional or personal life? If you don't have a formal mentor is there someone in your life that has fulfilled that role for you? How did that relationship come to take place and what impact has that had on you?

    If you don't have a mentor, is this something you've considered?

  2. #2
    Hasta Siempre Madrigal's Avatar
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    In life, only my parents can come close to being mentors (let's give credit where it is due). Then of course there are historical figures who I admire for different reasons. Che Guevara first and foremost because of his character and principles more than for his strategy or anything politically specific. If I had to speak on a purely political plane then it would be Lenin. On a purely ideological one, it would be Trotsky. But Che Guevara's adventurism and optimism, certainly to the point of recklessness and almost to the point of insanity, is something that speaks to me. I am convinced that what he achieved with Fidel was not due to sophisticated political calculation (which is what I can say for Lenin), but a pure and simple triumph of the will under a tremendously lucky star. That combination of perseverence and good fortune has an almost magical aura to my mind, an almost religious significance.

    In my personal life, I've often been frustrated with the lack of living mentors. I really wish I knew someone that I could turn to for their opinion when I'm not sure what to think, when I think I'm wrong, or when I have a problem. Or just to interpret the world with a view that I cannot easily condense, label and predict. Sometimes I find myself in the reverse situation where I am some kind of authority on... things. Well it has happened a lot. I don't like that, I never did, it feels really lonely. These days when I notice someone beginning to adopt an attitude like that towards me, I cringe and withdraw.
    Everything under heaven is in utter chaos; the situation is excellent. - Mao

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    dormant jigglypuff's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gator View Post
    If you don't have a mentor, is this something you've considered?
    i've always been attracted to the idea (especially when it comes to some technical trade), but i'm not sure if i could sustain that sort of relationship without blood ties. like, i've always wanted a "big sister" to be a sort of life mentor for me. i don't have that and i'm never getting that (at least not anytime soon) cuz i'm not good at reaching out, and when people reach out to me the responsibility is somewhat stifling and something i can only accept reluctantly. that said, so far i've been doing OK just finding my own way in the company of peers.

    my "advice filter" is very, very developed. i think i have good judgment for what's worthwhile and what's not, and it's not like me to welcome a wave of advice indiscriminately (unless it's on a subject i know absolutely nothing about and idk where to start). even people i highly respect say things to me sometimes that are really off. it's exhausting to navigate that world of other people's projections on me.

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    Meditation helps. You clear your mind completely, lose yourself in the moment... and listen to what you think of yourself without the constraints of your ego. No mentor is ever going to know you as well as you do. It's something I wouldn't ever want to do without anymore.

  5. #5
    Anthropos mhc's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buddha View Post
    Meditation helps. You clear your mind completely, lose yourself in the moment... and listen to what you think of yourself without the constraints of your ego. No mentor is ever going to know you as well as you do. It's something I wouldn't ever want to do without anymore.
    On the contrary, I think the right mentors are good at building a healthy ego. Of course thats not to say that meditation isn't beneficial.

    On mentoring

    For a long time, I had the opinion that I should be able to handle anything that life throws my way, and that seeking help or guidance was somehow undermining the very purpose of my life. Writing that now I realise the type of grandiose delusion that it was, and trying to prove it right only served to alienate me from other people and enjoying life. I don't want to go into specifics, but needless to say there was a situation I found extremely challenging, and at times traumatic, which eventually helped shatter the delusion that I was all I needed and to seek help from others.
    During this time of seeking I really struggled to find help, even amongst family, which left me feeling alone, isolated and hopeless - feelings which were harder to endure than the challenging times which proceeded them.

    But to cut a long story short..
    I think that it can be hard to find a good mentor - or one that can offer advice in a way that we will listen - who also offers that advice from similar ideals or understandings as our own, but in doing so we can satisfy that need for acceptance or cure the fear of loneliness, which whether we acknowledge or deny - persists within all of us. And in feeling accepted, it then becomes easier to listen to advice from people who don't share similar ideals or understandings, which is then world expanding - and precedes the experiences needed to learn from your own actions, and to in turn gain insight.
    Last edited by mhc; 01-27-2015 at 01:38 AM.
    Just look at the blue sky

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    Quote Originally Posted by mhc View Post
    On the contrary, I think the right mentors are good at building a healthy ego. Of course thats not to say that meditation isn't beneficial.<rest snipped for brevity and server space>
    If it worked for you, it works. I'm glad you've helped yourself out of the pit.

    For me it was a similar life-crisis that led me to crash, burn, fall down and realise that my life was unmaintainable and my ego was not doing me any favors. And in throwing away my ego I found myself again. All negativity was gone. I was full of hope. It was powerful!

    Now I'm a junkie for living in the "Now".. I try to bring myself to awareness that my I am not my thoughts, but rather that they're a hindrance to living in the moment. Every time I achieve that blissfull moment of presence... I feel my spirits soar a little. It happens most during long walks. The effect lasts for hours and sticks around after I've gone to sleep. Things I used to dread doing now are done without me noticing.

    I'd recommend Eckard Tolle's "The power of the now". It seems to detail what I went through. Especially for INTP's it's difficult to get rid of the identification with your thoughts, but it's supremely satisfying when you do and discover a way to be free from it (and it doesn't mean you stop thinking. It just means you think in the present, about what is going on - including what direction to take with your life). After 35 years I don't need to think about how to live anymore. I trust that I know enough and start doing it to the fullest.

    I like to think that I had to really start hating myself (who I *thought* I was and had to be) before I could descover MY self (what was beneath it). They were completely out of whack.

    (This lightning flash happened only a week ago, and I wasn't actually trying to run into something spiritual - but I have been looking for it for a while I guess. Hence my username after the passion I had been into for a while)

  7. #7
    Anthropos mhc's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buddha View Post
    If it worked for you, it works. I'm glad you've helped yourself out of the pit.
    Again, on the contrary, there were a lot of people that came into my life during that time which you described as 'in the pit', and perhaps I expected more help from some over others and may have become resentful when my expectations weren't met, but all of them helped me in some way.
    Just look at the blue sky

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    I wish i had someone in my life other than my self that could inspire/support me to push beyond my limits and overcome obstacles.

    Mostly i go where i go because of my own determination and willpower.

    Sometimes some people here at the INTPcomplex are very insightful/inspiring and i consider them as mentors.

    I mean when i am dealing with a problem and i post it here i get answers that i would hardly get from any person i know in real life. Even when i read other peoples posts i can get answers for my own problems.

    Most of the times those insights i get from here are helpful enough to at least confirm what i already had in the back of my mind but needed someone else whose judgement i trust, to say it.

    If nobody here has a different take from me on an issue i doubt anyone in my real life would. except very rare occasions.

    People here know how to think.

    Thinking is what we do anyway, i mean us INTPs.
    Last edited by username; 01-27-2015 at 08:24 AM.

  9. #9
    a fool on a journey pensive_pilgrim's Avatar
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    I'm going to have a mentor for my internship that starts in April because that's how the program is set up. I'm a little nervous to see how it goes. Part of this program was taking a seminar class last term where people who had already gone on internships gave presentations about their experiences, and it seems like the relationships with the mentors vary pretty widely. Some people had mentors that worked pretty closely with them and gave them lots of advice and guidance, and some had mentors that were traveling for the whole internship and barely spoke to them.

  10. #10
    dormant jigglypuff's Avatar
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    ^ i just remembered, i had a sort of mentor during an internship i recently did, and i thought he was genuinely great in the role and taught me well. it just sux cuz it was only for a fixed period, he had a lot on his plate to deal with and wasn't as available as i wished. it'd be really nice to have that kind of mentorship for professional stuff in general, somebody who can train you and give you feedback on industry stuff & whatever you're interested in that they know about. it's really, really difficult to find somebody like that, though.

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