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Thread: How does one handle an autistic friend?

  1. #1
    New Member Etherealsage's Avatar
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    How does one handle an autistic friend?

    So I have this friend... He's a nice guy, really, he's helpful, we have similar interests, but he's also incredibly frustrating, and his behavior almost borders on stalker tendencies (toward me only, as he seems to piss off most of my friends, shows little interest in the rest, then seems to need me to fulfill all his needs), and explaining to him social etiquette seems to be an exercise in futility. These tendencies manifest primarily in tracking time I spend doing things he is able to witness through permissible means comparative to spending time with him. He clearly doesn't understand boundaries like a normal person. At this point, I sincerely regret giving him access to a portion of my online life upon finding that we play similar games, as he's ruining some of my other friendships by demanding more than I'm willing to give (and being unable to take a hint) and fostering negative relationships with just about everyone I know.

    I feel like I'm left with 2 options at this point: I either need to improve the situation enough that I don't feel like I'm responsible for him like a dependent or I'm going to drop him as a friend. Normally, I wouldn't hesitate to drop the friend that's a source of stress, but I'm aware that the likely far-reaching repercussions of doing so will result in him manifesting suicidal tendencies (not because he's that fixated on me, but because he moved back in with his emotionally abusive mother and has no way out). Granted, not my job nor my problem, but I am not comfortable taking the action nonetheless.

    So, that said, halp?

  2. #2
    sane in insane places kali's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Etherealsage View Post
    he's ruining some of my other friendships by demanding more than I'm willing to give (and being unable to take a hint) and fostering negative relationships with just about everyone I know.


    you're not responsible for his life and wellbeing.

  3. #3
    Scala Mountains Resonance's Avatar
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    ^

    As it is, you're just enabling him. A genuine intervention is going to take a lot more investment than it sounds like you're willing to put out.
    Empty your mind. Be formless. Shapeless. Like water. Water can flow, or it can crash. Be water, my friend.

  4. #4
    dormant jigglypuff's Avatar
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    How does one handle an autistic friend?
    generally with a lot of patience (that most people don't have).

  5. #5
    Persona Oblongata OrionzRevenge's Avatar
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    So I have this friend... He's a nice guy, really, he's helpful, we have similar interests, but he's also incredibly frustrating, and his behavior almost borders on stalker tendencies
    This all could be some sort of pathetic attempt to grab attention.

    I say this because, just before I saw this thread last night, I noticed a thread started over at INTJf by a member joined 12/24/13, and claiming to be a young INfp male saying he was autistic and feeling suicidal.
    http://intjforum.com/showthread.php?t=117547

    He goes by the name of louiesgonnacry and racked up 75 post playing every "Am I an I???" thread before making the plea for help.

    The funny thing is:

    A new member having joined 11/6/13 over at central claims to be a young female INXp and posted THE EXACT SAME OP with the EXACT SAME TITLE
    http://forums.intpcentral.com/showth...-other-junk%29

    What makes this really pathetic is it will just jade people into being guarded when someone comes along needing a wise word.
    So yeah, I'd get away from this dude with a quickness.

  6. #6
    Hasta Siempre Madrigal's Avatar
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    I've been in more than one relationship with people who subtly or not so suddenly threatened suicide if I reduced contact with them. These people take advantage of us because they know they can. The don't make the same threats to people who aren't going to let themselves be taken advantage of. I have observed their behavior and it's radically different around people who aren't "buying it".

    It's taken me a long time to face this but now I know that if someone is making these types of insinuations, I need to let them do what they want to do, and give myself the space I need. They usually don't do anything, and if they do, you have no responsibility over it. Nobody exists to own you.

  7. #7
    Tawaci ki a Gnaska ki Osito Polar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Etherealsage View Post
    Granted, not my job nor my problem, but I am not comfortable taking the action nonetheless.

    So, that said, halp?
    You already know the correct answer to your question. The problem is that you're too much of a wimp to take the action you know is necessary.

    Take a long look in the mirror and grow a pair.

    You're welcome and thanks for posting on INTPcomplex.
    "I don't have psychological problems." --Madrigal

    "When you write about shooting Polemarch in the head, that's more like a first-person view, like you're there looking down the sight of the gun." --Utisz

    David Wong, regarding Chicago
    Six centuries ago, the pre-Colombian natives who settled here named this region with a word which in their language means "the Mouth of Shadow". Later, the Iroquois who showed up and inexplicably slaughtered every man, woman and child renamed it "Seriously, Fuck that Place". When French explorer Jacques Marquette passed through the area he marked his map with a drawing of a brownish blob emerging from between the Devil's buttocks.

  8. #8
    Dr.Awkward Robcore's Avatar
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    Autism is cool.
    When I worked with autistic kids for a few years, I found that the most effective way to deal with any issue with them was to make an air tight case for why the change in things was absolutely necessary. It took patience, but it worked. Bonus points for describing what an appropriate response to the change would be; scripting an effective way for them to think about the change so that it isn't upsetting.

  9. #9
    dump a big bag of gumballs in the street.

  10. #10
    Bringer of Jollity MoneyJungle's Avatar
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    Throw a brick at his car

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