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Thread: INTP Parenthood

  1. #61
    Homo siderius Sistamatic's Avatar
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    I never birthed any babies but I've held a lot of them. Since I don't have a clue what I'm doing (beyond the obvious neck support when they are still brand new and such) I usually look to the infant for cues on what is the "right" way, and I haven't noticed a babytific consensus. I was completely oblivious to the controversy. I figure if the baby is happy I'm doing it right. If I fail to make the baby happy within a tolerable amount of time, I get to give it back to a parent. (Yay)

    Aside:
    The reason I've held so many babies is because the people in the world who think I should be a mom believe it will infect me with mommy fever or something..like if only I'd ever held a baby I wouldn't be afraid to have one. Or maybe they are confused about what causes pregnancy?

    Also, the minute I have a baby in my arms, everyone turns into a paparazzo. "OMG, sista is holding a baby! Everyone start filming! Call the press! There's hope for her yet! She'll have a baby now for sure! She'll probably name it Spock, but we can work with that."

    There are probably more pictures of me holding more babies than most moms.


    I'm most useful in a support capacity around the time they are old enough to understand that farting is hilarious. (I'm "that" Aunt.)
    Last edited by Sistamatic; 12-15-2016 at 08:35 AM.
    Insults are effective only where emotion is present. -- Spock, "Who Mourns for Adonais?" Stardate 3468.1.

    I'm not avoiding socializing I'm helping socializing avoid me! --MoneyJungle

  2. #62
    Dr.Awkward Robcore's Avatar
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    Yeah, I think that over stimulation is more than just being aware of what's going on around you...over stimulation is when there are excessive sensory inputs competing for your attention. If your surroundings are coherent and connected, eg. on a scenic stroll through the woods, or a conversation between parent and familiar relative in a familiar environment, or dinner prep activities that are part of a larger, coherent objective...none of that is likely to be overstimulating.

    Other situations that are over stimulating, like busy city streets, or shopping malls, or whatever else...I think that those sorts of situations suck, even for me, but ultimately we have to foster a capability in our kids to endure excess stimulation, too...only because it is a part of life.
    Fortunately for us, we have a pretty chill life, so I haven't researched age-appropriateness for that sort of stuff...though I'm sure there are many factors.

    I've noticed differences in all 3 of my kids...number one likes way less stimulation...he tunes stuff out a lot...but he had 2 years of quiet and dedicated adult attention. Number 2 is tolerant of way more stimulation...she plays nice with music in the background, and will even sing along to it while carrying on with an activity. For child #1, that background noise will either disturb his focus, or push him to focus deeper...
    ...child #3 seems even more tolerant of stimulation than the others...but of course she knows nothing other than the stimulation of having 2 toddlers tornadoing it up just about 24/7.
    She prefers outward facing pretty much 100% of the time that she's not ready to fall asleep.
    ...the origin of emotional sickness lay in people’s belief that they were their personalities...
    "The pendulum of the mind alternates between sense and nonsense, not between right and wrong." ~Carl Jung

  3. #63
    TJ TeresaJ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by oxyjen View Post
    My second son went through a short-lived stage where he hated the way I normally carried him (not "baby carriers" but literal holding-in-my-arms-carry), and would immediately calm if I carried him facing outwards. He was old enough to sit outward-facing in the katan so I used it to get some hands-free things done around the house, but it didn't feel like it was comfortable for either of us so I stopped.

    I don't think that facing outward is doing anything radically different--strollers have been around for awhile. So as to whether we are doing something "new" and not contemplating the consequences, I think the modern phenomena is the concept of overstimulation/attachment parenting lens of viewing "parent v outside world" in a very dichotomous way.

    ETA: for clarity, not saying that overstimulation isn't a real thing, or that AP isn't a valid parenting style. I think the concept of having a balance of noise/quiet, busy/still, etc., is something that parents have always done and is really dependent on your kids' own sensitivities and limits. Most carriers can change to inward facing if a kid gets too cranky. I don't understand the handwringing.
    Yeah you're probably right that the handwringing is excessive. I think it's more on the level of kids watching TV. A bit of TV now and then isn't going to fry your kid's brain, but hours every day *will* have an effect. What bothers me is the idea that on commercials now the kid is almost *always* facing out and so it becomes more and more normal, and I worry that some parents will use that position as the default. So when I see a kid facing out it could be that the kid just really wants to see out and is gonna squirm like crazy if facing inward and this is a perfectly natural and healthy thing, or it could be that the kid just always faces out and is used to it and is being fundamentally re-wired for over-stimulation.

    It's the latter that I'm paranoid about.
    Too bad, Lady Une. You were far too lenient.
    As a soldier, yes. But as a civilian I lived an austere life.

  4. #64
    TJ TeresaJ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Robcore View Post
    Yeah, I think that over stimulation is more than just being aware of what's going on around you...over stimulation is when there are excessive sensory inputs competing for your attention. If your surroundings are coherent and connected, eg. on a scenic stroll through the woods, or a conversation between parent and familiar relative in a familiar environment, or dinner prep activities that are part of a larger, coherent objective...none of that is likely to be overstimulating.

    Other situations that are over stimulating, like busy city streets, or shopping malls, or whatever else...I think that those sorts of situations suck, even for me, but ultimately we have to foster a capability in our kids to endure excess stimulation, too...only because it is a part of life.
    Fortunately for us, we have a pretty chill life, so I haven't researched age-appropriateness for that sort of stuff...though I'm sure there are many factors.

    I've noticed differences in all 3 of my kids...number one likes way less stimulation...he tunes stuff out a lot...but he had 2 years of quiet and dedicated adult attention. Number 2 is tolerant of way more stimulation...she plays nice with music in the background, and will even sing along to it while carrying on with an activity. For child #1, that background noise will either disturb his focus, or push him to focus deeper...
    ...child #3 seems even more tolerant of stimulation than the others...but of course she knows nothing other than the stimulation of having 2 toddlers tornadoing it up just about 24/7.
    She prefers outward facing pretty much 100% of the time that she's not ready to fall asleep.
    This was on my mind recently because a couple of weeks ago I was working a table at a large event inside a warehouse. It was very busy, very noisy, very crowded, and this young couple was walking around with their baby in an outward-facing carrier, the baby looking like a deer caught in the headlights.

    I can totally understand that some kids really like the extra stimulation, and it isn't over-stimulation for them, but I can't shake the fear that *parents* are introducing more and more stimulation, as a rule, because they see it on TV and think it's normal.
    Too bad, Lady Une. You were far too lenient.
    As a soldier, yes. But as a civilian I lived an austere life.

  5. #65
    Dr.Awkward Robcore's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TeresaJ View Post
    This was on my mind recently because a couple of weeks ago I was working a table at a large event inside a warehouse. It was very busy, very noisy, very crowded, and this young couple was walking around with their baby in an outward-facing carrier, the baby looking like a deer caught in the headlights.

    I can totally understand that some kids really like the extra stimulation, and it isn't over-stimulation for them, but I can't shake the fear that *parents* are introducing more and more stimulation, as a rule, because they see it on TV and think it's normal.
    Fair enough. I think life in general is just more stimulating, too, what with the prevalence of screens and distractions. Will not likely ever return to say, 80s level stimulation...where you'd gett so bored as to go knock on someone's door, lol.
    ...the origin of emotional sickness lay in people’s belief that they were their personalities...
    "The pendulum of the mind alternates between sense and nonsense, not between right and wrong." ~Carl Jung

  6. #66
    TJ TeresaJ's Avatar
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    Social crisis:

    Children's Parties

    I got out of this last year by just bringing a cake and some treats to his school and having a little party there. But now my kid is getting old enough now that he actually enjoys playing with his friends and would like to see them on the weekend every now and then. I like his little friends, and it would be cool to get to know some of the moms, both for social and for mom-networking purposes.

    Having a house party is intimidating. Also, his birthday is in December when a lot of people are busy.

    There's this little local festival coming up that's a lot of fun. I was thinking it would be good for people to meet at the house and we would carpool over there, but the logistics of getting people to the house (which is way out of the way) in time is challenging in itself. Especially if it's going to be a hot day I don't want to wait on guests and a carpool - I just want to head right over when the weather's nice.

    ...I am talking myself out of this plan as I speak.

    New plan: Mention the festival by word of mouth. If anyone wants to plan to meet up and/or carpool, great, but it's not going to be a big thing.

    Plan a proper house party for another time, maybe in the Autumn...? Possibly to coincide with an even smaller local festival.

    I'm planning to work every other Saturday this semester, but if I plan it... it can be done.

    *anxiety*
    Too bad, Lady Une. You were far too lenient.
    As a soldier, yes. But as a civilian I lived an austere life.

  7. #67
    TJ TeresaJ's Avatar
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    Yeah the Fall Festival is in November.... Maybe I can do that in lieu of a birthday party. Low key house gathering mid-morning. Lunch at the house. Carpool to the festival in the afternoon. It's a much smaller festival so I'm less concerned about spending time there, so there's more time for people to gather, the weather will be nicer....

    Yes....
    Too bad, Lady Une. You were far too lenient.
    As a soldier, yes. But as a civilian I lived an austere life.

  8. #68
    My two year old seems to be an entj and it isn't fun. She is high strung, bossy, scream happy, needs constant activity, has to go outside every day for several hours (screams if you cut it short) and gives nonstop unwanted feedback on what she does and does not like. I'm going to look like a dick forever because we clash real bad. I have to do my share but really feel better leaving raising her up to my J wife, mom, sister and mother in law.

    With my luck she'll have a P younger brother someday who she will break psychologically until he turns into a henpecked woman hater and the cycle will continue.

    I'm looking forward to the day when she is old enough to spend all day in after school activities herding around other people's kids. Not because I sent her there but because that is what she will inevitably choose to do.

  9. #69
    TJ TeresaJ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by flurps View Post
    My two year old seems to be an entj and it isn't fun. She is high strung, bossy, scream happy, needs constant activity, has to go outside every day for several hours (screams if you cut it short) and gives nonstop unwanted feedback on what she does and does not like. I'm going to look like a dick forever because we clash real bad. I have to do my share but really feel better leaving raising her up to my J wife, mom, sister and mother in law.

    With my luck she'll have a P younger brother someday who she will break psychologically until he turns into a henpecked woman hater and the cycle will continue.

    I'm looking forward to the day when she is old enough to spend all day in after school activities herding around other people's kids. Not because I sent her there but because that is what she will inevitably choose to do.


    I think my kid is shaping up to be an INFJ. He'd look at your kid like wtf.

  10. #70
    Quote Originally Posted by TeresaJ View Post


    I think my kid is shaping up to be an INFJ. He'd look at your kid like wtf.
    Don't we all

    My mother in law showed her picture to an abbot at a buddhist temple and he told her she would be a "VIP". They must teach cold reading in those places. She will achieve this no doubt by sucking the life out of her parents, grandparents, uncle, aunt, cousins and friends
    Last edited by flurps; 08-29-2017 at 12:21 AM.

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