I thought I'd start a new thread to give Dot some room.
I can relate to this, and I'm heterosexual. On what could be the tail end of my current relationship (we could still bounce back) I'm relieved to find that, so far, I'm not losing my sense of self or self-worth. Not much, anyway. Motherhood might be a part of that. Instead of a man needing me as validation of my existence I have a baby needing me, and that is, if anything, a stronger focal point (speculation as to potential causes of single motherhood...).
And I wanted to say maybe it's a "how women feel love" vs "how men feel love" but I don't think it's that either. Instead I think that there are just many different forms of love, and they tend to correlate with different relationships, but it's not set in stone.
For example, thinking of my mother and my son, they both love me with this overflowing, abundant, unconditional love. Their love encompasses my personality, but it's also independent of my personality. They love me as I am because I happen to be this way, but they would love me just as much if I were some different way.
Vs my boyfriend... I think that what struck me the most about him was the way that he loved me as I am - I mean, he seemed to really love the whole of me, the actual me, not because he had to and not because he loved the idea of me (as other men have done). But me. One hundred percent me, even in spite of himself when I was driving him insane.
And then, subjectively, feelings of infatuation and then companionship... I can hardly speak for myself, because I have a very small sample size. I've only been in a few romantic relationships, and my love for my family... I dunno, I adore my baby, but I hardly know him. I mean his personality is just starting to develop.
But to get back to romantic love, I have definitely experienced limerence (obsessive infatuation), although not with my current boyfriend. It was also a relief to not have that feeling when I was falling in love with him.
There's a lot more that can be said, but I think I'll stop here.
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