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Thread: Female INTP - Male ISFJ

  1. #61
    TJ TeresaJ's Avatar
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    During last night's conversation he also said that he doesn't like it when I call him early in the evening because it's like I just want to get the conversation over with so I can go to bed.

    Um... Yes. Not like I don't care about it but yes I would like to have a significant conversation before, not after, the time I typically go to sleep.

    Yes.

    It drives me up the wall that this is hurtful to him.

    And any time I try to plan ahead to talk to him on, say, a Friday night, he doesn't fucking want to talk.

    I just feel like this is early relationship bullshit, not mid-relationship bullshit.

    *frustrated*

  2. #62
    TJ TeresaJ's Avatar
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    So it looks like we actually are going to try to have scheduled nights to talk on the phone! And the nights coincide with when I can sleep in a little the following morning! Success!!!

    I feel like a Sim. When things aren't going well with the ISFJ it's like I have this little red vector of unhappiness that drags my whole mood down, but when things are going well with him, it's a little green arrow that lets all the other vectors do their jobs.

    It might be better not to have the little vector at all.... But, (mixing metaphors) it's like he's a stabilizing force. When he's not being crazy. He himself is a stabilizing force, and then thanks to him I was able to create the ultimate stabilizing force in my life: the kiddo.

    Ballast. It's a good thing. For me. Actually helps me pick up speed.
    Too bad, Lady Une. You were far too lenient.
    As a soldier, yes. But as a civilian I lived an austere life.

  3. #63
    TJ TeresaJ's Avatar
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    Yeah so it's still not really happening, but I think we're getting... closer.

    I dunno.

    Also I've been thinking about the Big 5 test, and let's say my type is:

    Strongly Reserved
    Primarily Calm
    somewhat organized
    neither agreeable nor egocentric
    Strongly Inquisitive

    R|C|oxI

    I think that the ISFJ would maybe be

    |R|Loxi

    Primarily Reserved
    Strongly Limbic (emotional)
    somewhat organized
    neither agreeable nor egocentric (for him I would say that he's either extremely agreeable or extremely egocentric, depending on how he's feeling about the situation)
    moderately inquisitive

    So with MBTI, we're almost complete opposites, but with the Big Five we have a lot more in common.

    Just something to think about.

    ^Which brings to light an obvious problem with all of these dichotomy-based personality tests. They don't distinguish "in the middle" as "not particularly inclined to either" from "swings between two extremes."
    Too bad, Lady Une. You were far too lenient.
    As a soldier, yes. But as a civilian I lived an austere life.

  4. #64
    TJ TeresaJ's Avatar
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    We just had a fight. I think. From my perspective it spiraled out of nothing and I was like "hey look at this - just look at what's happening; you're creating this whole fight out of nothing" and he was like "oh yeah?" *fight expands*

    I was supposed to say something reassuring.

    I don't know what that would have been.
    Too bad, Lady Une. You were far too lenient.
    As a soldier, yes. But as a civilian I lived an austere life.

  5. #65
    TJ TeresaJ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TeresaJ View Post
    We just had a fight. I think. From my perspective it spiraled out of nothing and I was like "hey look at this - just look at what's happening; you're creating this whole fight out of nothing" and he was like "oh yeah?" *fight expands*

    I was supposed to say something reassuring.

    I don't know what that would have been.
    So I thought of something reassuring to say. Called him up and said it, acted like the fight was no big deal... Which it wasn't. Proceeded to have a moderately normal, moderately warm conversation.

    I guess the zen thing is working.

  6. #66
    TJ TeresaJ's Avatar
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    Ok so I think I figured out what exactly it is about the ISFJ that I find irresistably attractive.

    It's not just that he's silly. It's that he effortlessly plays against my quirks in a way that's funny and playful without being obnoxious or overbearing. Something to do with the way that he respects me without being intimidated or trying to compete with me. Together (and when we're good) we're like a perfectly balanced odd couple. Just complimentary.

    I'm the straight man and he's the wit.

    I guess what I really really mean is that he sees me as I like to see myself: smart, yes, but also weird and absent-minded and silly and kind and even (somehow) sexy. And all of those things in such a proportion that I am a good match for him.
    Last edited by TeresaJ; 03-16-2017 at 02:34 AM.

  7. #67
    Member Sinny's Avatar
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    This thread has helped me conclude on a probable ISFJ typing for my main .. interest.. of the last 7 years.

    We enjoy each others company but I think we have both concluded that we are not compatible on a practical basis..
    We have good fun hanging out, whether we be out drinking, playing pool, shootin up, or smoking & playing guitar in bed (I play poorly)..
    But then when he talks about his interests, or puts his goofy TV shows on, and I'm just like zzZZZzzzZZz bore off.
    His humor is well liked among all his sensor friends, but that's always my cue to roll my eye ballz.

    It always seems that no matter how much fun we have, we hit the same stumbling block.. sometimes it's like we speak a different language.
    So he dates his sensor women, and I do my own thing.. but somehow, we are never indifferent toward each other.. so we meet intermittently, and maintain an undefined relationship.

    He's quite protective of his feelings, but occasionally he takes me by surprise when he wears them on his sleeve.. I can fill his emotional needs to an extent, but not on a long term progressive basis, I find prolonged emotional introspection frivolous, he does not.

    Relationships sound like such hard work, I am appreciative of the freedoms of single life, I guess.
    "One need not destroy one's enemy. One need only destroy his willingness to engage"

    - Sun Tzu

  8. #68
    Hasta Siempre Madrigal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TeresaJ View Post
    During last night's conversation he also said that he doesn't like it when I call him early in the evening because it's like I just want to get the conversation over with so I can go to bed.

    Um... Yes. Not like I don't care about it but yes I would like to have a significant conversation before, not after, the time I typically go to sleep.

    Yes.


    I see that was an old post but I'm just noticing it now. I know someone whose long-distance bf (well, they're quite a few hours away by bus but still in the same country) does this same thing. Not only that, but he needs to talk every single night, and she has let this go on for months. If she suggests cancelling, his first thought is that she's seeing someone. It's a matter of control, in my opinion. (The two are currently not talking because she arrived late to her skype one night.)
    Everything under heaven is in utter chaos; the situation is excellent. - Mao

  9. #69
    Member Sinny's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sinny View Post
    This thread has helped me conclude on a probable ISFJ typing for my main .. interest.. of the last 7 years.

    We enjoy each others company but I think we have both concluded that we are not compatible on a practical basis..

    Relationships sound like such hard work, I am appreciative of the freedoms of single life, I guess.
    She says just before she gets into one

    ISFJ hit me up tonight, no doubt prompted by my relationship update on Facebook.

    Making a scene isn't something I'd usually do, but me and INTP seem to be diving in, and I need to drop the single image.

    Me and ISFJ went through some small talk, that was about it, no acknowledgment of our last meeting (April) or my relationship. (June).

    He blocked me when he was with his girlfriend, (who's now 6 months into an new relationship) , but I'm not going to block him or unfriend him though...

    He can watch this all play out, and think about what he's missing out on.
    "One need not destroy one's enemy. One need only destroy his willingness to engage"

    - Sun Tzu

  10. #70
    TJ TeresaJ's Avatar
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    The ISFJ was in town almost constantly for the past couple of months. For the most part it was actually really chill, but then he had a freakout last week (probably because he's going to be leaving, and just thinking about me being cool about him leaving makes him feel insecure, so he acts like an asshole, same old same old...). We brought it back to normal with minimal fallout and within 24 hours, but man.

    My latest this-dichotomy-thing-is-so-obnoxious-yet-fascinating observation:

    When we're good we're like the gum-chewing A-hole couple on SNL. "Babe." "Hey babe." "Yeah babe." We complain to each other, do crosswords together. Watch cooking shows. Cook. When we're bad we're like Burt Lancaster (me) and the crazy, would-be abusive therapist in Local Hero and I'm just like WTF.
    Too bad, Lady Une. You were far too lenient.
    As a soldier, yes. But as a civilian I lived an austere life.

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