Help. Are you disinclined to accept and seek help?

[Sir Caveat]

I'm generally disinclined to accept and seek help from others.

I was reminded of that this week when I was working on something that "had to get done today." My boss offered to have a colleague help me. I knew from her perspective that it would be irrational for me not to accept the help. So I unenthusiastically accepted the help with a "uhh OK."

The reason I'm disinclined to seek and accept help from colleagues is because I generally expect it not to be of net help. There are transaction costs. I have to explain the task; the project has to be broken up and reassembled; and I end up responsible for somebody else's work quality, or lack thereof.

I'm also slow/reluctant to ask for direction from higher ups. Part of that is that I like to figure things out myself and another part is apprehension about getting direction not to my liking. Another part is that I don't like to impose on others' time. But I still run things by the boss to avoid being a loose cannon and a liability. And the direction is often helpful after all. It often gets me unstuck.

[Robcore]

I accept help, but I definitely don't seek it out unless the help I'm looking for is educational. I tend to be picky about who I like to work with...but I will accept education from anyone...and I will seek it out with an enthusiasm that I just don't have when it comes to lightening my work load by sharing/delegating/portioning out a job.

[NedLudd]

It depends on the situation. If I need help in a situation where my refusal of help will affect others, I accept it. Otherwise it's very hard to help me. If I don't have any money at the end of the month, it's more likely that I'll survive off peanuts and bread than it is that I'll let people lend me money, for example.

[Sir Caveat]

I accept help, but I definitely don't seek it out unless the help I'm looking for is educational. I tend to be picky about who I like to work with...but I will accept education from anyone...and I will seek it out with an enthusiasm that I just don't have when it comes to lightening my work load by sharing/delegating/portioning out a job.

I'm also more inclined to seek help to gain knowledge and understanding. But even there it's a last resort. I prefer to first see what's available by research before asking somebody. Then if if I still need to ask my questions will be more focused, to fill in the remaining gaps.

[Sir Caveat]

Poll added

[BarIII]

Yes because it can be held against you, people sometimes expect something in return, I may not want to do it the helper's way, and I don't want to bother people.

[Sir Caveat]

Yes because it can be held against you, people sometimes expect something in return, I may not want to do it the helper's way, and I don't want to bother people.

I can relate to that. I'm generally disinclined to incur an obligation deficit. I almost reflexively say "no thanks" when offered things. It's my default answer. It's an uneasy feeling to know that I have an outstanding debt of sorts and may be asked a favor (to pay up) and to know that I will be less free in declining a potential future request, even an implied one.

[jigglypuff]

it depends on the thing. generally i do what's most efficient for the problem so it depends... if i have a goal & getting help is just the means to that end i'm likely to just do it and get that over with. if it's about ~exploration~ and finding my own way, i'm likely to not, cuz it's not as important to get a specific result.