Many people choose to express themselves in a vulgar manner, but so many choose to rely on profanity to do it. I understand. I mean, I'm pressed for time too. If I had more time, if I were immortal, I'd be more inclined to go into great detail about my distaste, but as it is, being ephemeral with definite but not definitely known expiration date, I find that more often than not "Fuck", "Shit" or some combination or conjugation of these staples with a context sensitive adjective or adverb seems to sum up my entire emotional and cognitive state so succinctly that it can seem more vulgar not to use them.
Still, I will admit that even my most exasperated cry of "Fucking hobby-horse cockknocker" doesn't really plumb the depths of my capacity for vulgarity or creativity. I suspect that I am not alone on this crucifix of economy vs. elegance. So, I invite you to spout off your greatest profanity free vulgarities.
They may be of the softened mixed oaths:
Good gravy on a cross!
Jumpin' ducks on a hot tin cat!
They might be obfuscated with polite language:
Your maternal parental guardian, whom raised you after whelping you, is known to me to engage in oral sodomy in the netherworld.
Or they might be elegant subtle psychological mindgames intended to be laughed off in daylight but come back to haunt their audience in the dark of narcissistic night:
Everything you've ever feared about yourself is true. All those little traits and imperfections that you wonder if people notice? We notice. We just don't mention them in front of you because it's so much more fun to laugh at you about them behind your back.
All your victories are hollow because they were either meaningless for useless accomplishments of only the most trivial value, or because we let you win, just so you'd keep playing. But one of these days, you'll come to the crushing realization of how worthless your existence is.
Solipsism is true, but you aren't the dreamer. You're literally an afterthought in the sense of afterbirth but less useful.
You're mother never loved you. That's why she spent so much time at 'work'.
Animals can talk. You don't know because none of them want to talk to you. They are deeply offended by a combination of your fundamentally flawed character, and your insistence on putting words in their mouth using a squeaky baby voice. The mice in particular have taken a liking to pooping in your mouth while you sleep. It's why your breath is so rank in the morning.
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