I want to be positive, so I am trying my best to be such.
One of the steps I found the hardest was to surround myself with positive people. I wonder if this is harder for INTPs.
What are your thoughts on being positive? Have you tried it before? What were your results?
Last edited by Aven; 12-31-2013 at 12:33 AM.
One thing I've noticed is that whenever I'm in a positive mood I find it easy to be positive, but if I'm not, it's really hard. Weird right?Originally Posted by Aven
Positivity is really easy when you're around positive people.
I think that some people who only hang out around positive people (or who only want to hang around positive people) tend to end up being pretty fundamentalist about positivity, and they end up being passively aggressive, and then blaming you for interpreting their actions that way. It can get sort of dysfunctional.
That said, I do believe it is good to be positive...and I'm relatively positive most of the time. The rest of the time, I'm positive about my negativity...forgiving myself in the moment of it and taking it with a grain of salt.
Marry an ENFJ. Hard to avoid it.
Honestly, the first time I met my wife was the first time I'd met someone with such infectious positivity/enthusiasm/whatever. Along the way, I've met a few other ENFJs, and I have to say that when they are happy and healthy, they can't help but infect other people with it. Not a bad thing. I mean, I'm normally a rather glass-half-empty (or it's just the wrong size, or its full with air+water, etc) sort of person, but an ethusiastic ENFJ cuts right through the usual pessimism/sarcasm like a laser, hits the deeply buried "inner mirror", and so forces you to (self-)reflect it right back out into the world.
Heh.
I'm fiercely optimistic but at the same time hold very harsh opinions about certain things. Different people call me either cynical or a romantic. Interestingly, this says more about them than it says about me. Those who call me cynical, angry and negative are usually conservatives. That's fine with me because they can't tell their own ass from the month of April anyway (sorry, latin saying).
I'd say that the people who gravitate towards me are often pessimists. I don't mind that so much because they don't actually pass it onto me. It does become an issue if I can't help with things like depression, though. Coming up with "solutions" and having them systematically shot down is nightmarish to me. My ex actually got offended when I'd try to fix the problem. He said he just wanted me to listen. I can't do that, I need to do more.
it's a mixed thing. i often feel that people around me complain too much in general and are prone to blowing up trivial problems, but at the same time people who tell everybody else to cheer up without really considering their hardships are annoying and are often suffering from a similar lack of perspective, just expressed in a different way.
personally i'd consider myself an optimistic person and i don't have trouble pep talking myself into doing things i feel are necessary. i don't believe in dwelling on negativity for the sake of dwelling, and i don't like multiplying negativity by forcing others to partake in it. i usually keep to myself whenever i can't help but dwell on negative feelings and try to dispel them by writing them out or actually doing something that makes me feel better. most of the time, i wish others would do the same.
what will turn me into a negative asshole, though, is not being allowed to make myself feel better. sometimes that means i really need to figure shit out on my own, and be alone. it's just ugh when people think they know how to solve your problems. (lol sorry)
Last edited by jigglypuff; 12-31-2013 at 12:55 AM.
I think those people are not being positive but judgmental, I have not found this to be true, also, if they are being dicks, say so, I have found some people just want to help and if you confront them about how they are actually not helping, they usually back off.
As for the ENFJ thing, I know there is a difference between someone who is being positive and someone who deludes themselves, I know ENFJs who do, that being said it's important for them to get feedback, specially if they have hurt your feelings, they respond well to that.
Madrigal, what is the saying? Mes de Abril? I have not heard it, but maybe I have. Also, I used to think the same about how I didn't mind negative people around me, truth be told, I was wrong, in my case it did transfer to me a whole lot BECAUSE I wanted to do something like you suggest, I have learned to let them go and let live, I have other views on life and people won't be switching to my view any time soon.
I rather see the glass half full with endless possibilities, and being positive, for me, is not easy, not at first (specially not even surrounded by positive people, they ARE people after all, and I AM an introvert with trust issues) but it does get easier with practice, the aim is for it to become a habit like negative tendencies are a habit.
I'm not sure if I'd call myself negative, but I guess I'm pessimistic in that I tend to plan on bad things happening whenever I speculate on the future. For instance, even though I work for my family, I've spent the last two years saving up an "emergency savings" in case I got fired, which was very unlikely. I guess it's partially for peace-of-mind. I've grown up knowing that there really isn't anyone out there looking out for me but myself, so I play things very cautiously.
It depends on what kind of positivity you're talking about. I get labeled a cynic often, but it's only because I hate the sort of positivity that involves willfully ignoring or disregarding bad things, and/or relying specifically on positive thinking to solve things, as if thinking nice thoughts will just make everything better. I think this kind of thinking has its place, but being around people who think like this all the time grates on me because they are divorced from reality and batshit insane*.
No, there are a lot of things out there that are bad. I don't think that acknowledging that in itself makes one a pessimist. Pessimists are people who see problems and then stop there, without looking for solutions.
Optimists, on the other hand, (or at least the useful kind of optimists) are people who see something bad, think this could be better, and then look for some sort of action that could be taken toward a solution. They are solution and goal oriented. I like being around these people because I think it is a very practical and productive way of approaching problems. I find that when I spend a lot of time around people such as this that this way of thinking tends to rub off and I feel more positive.
* I have a friend who outlined her plan for fixing the situation in Syria the other day. According to her if we just direct enough positive energy toward the conflict there will be rainbows and light and people will throw down their arms, join in a giant group hug of forgiveness and then work toward the common good.
I don't like the term "positive thinking" because it implies denial or wishful thinking. Someone gets a highly suspicious growth on their face, for example, and they just ignore it, insisting it's nothing to be concerned about.
But I do like "positive interpretation" because it look at things equivocally; one is open to a variety of possibilities but chooses to interpret any outcome in the most supportive way. Sure, that growth might be melanoma - but it might be nothing. If it IS melanoma, it's a challenge that will result in developed character. If it's nothing, so much the better. And if it's the worst case scenario and death is inevitable, you've got time left with which to spend with your loved ones and enjoy your final days.
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