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Thread: Diagnose this

  1. #1
    New Member xxx's Avatar
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    Diagnose this

    I'm not seriously looking for expert opinions but I want to draw some possible conclusions as to why I am behaving a certain way and what can be done about it or what I am looking for.

    I tend to never finish or see through any decent sized project or goal.
    I lose interest/(more so motivation) to things I 'want' to do. Frequent low self-esteem.
    Playing through a comment or conversation I said or heard inside my head like 10 times if thinking about it.
    Very indecisive and unable to come to any conclusion due to personality (duh),
    thinking I supposed to do something math-related but not very interested?
    Burns time doing non-intellectual/meaningless things (games) followed by insufficient satisfaction in the end due to poor choice of activities.
    If I have a chore or made to do something I am forced to do I tend to move relatively slow making it take longer than it should (lazy?).
    I have an OCD-looking behavior where I kind of want to be a certain place a certain way to study properly (very clean, minimal, free of distraction- includes order/schedule/system).
    I like being outdoors and exercising(lately there has been a lack due to my pouring over potential paths).
    I know I have terrible organizational skills or lack of. I do tend to perform better with some clearly written schedule though.

    What is really burning me out though is the desire to master a skill of some sort that is career-related.. The kind of thing you would get a degree for.. And something related to my natural talent. I have a strong desire to something about this and do nothing- therefore I just stand idle to the world while everyone around me is moving. Sometimes, for odd reasons, I do make some efforts and progress, but everything always dies out and I go back to the beginning- or second-guessing.

    My very good friend tells me my strongest asset that he sees in me is my reasoning.. Yet for some reason, where reasoning reigns supreme in places like mathematics, I just don't see the passion for it as I thought I did before.. Maybe it's a mixture of low self-esteem and lack of foundational understandings of it that prevents me from moving deep into it. Who knows. I just know I like most aspects of it. I feel like I tried many different areas but I can't stick to anything for too long. I have always been like this. Looking at something new, get excited, try it, read/learn a little, repeat. Sometimes it's just so overwhelming that I cannot see what I am interested in the first place.

    Number one thing I am interested in is career stuff. Things that heavily relies on reasoning. But any comments are okay.
    Me posting all this information is significant. It means I trust all of you- that means a lot.
    Now I am going to go on my game for now and come back to this every so and so to see if anybody makes any responses.
    I appreciate the help. If you need more information, I will add onto it. (Within reason of course).

    P.S. Mention the word depression and I will shove this banana into your eye socket
    At the most, depression is only something I experience due to this nonsensical-chronic-dilemma.

  2. #2
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    Sounds like you have a terrible case of youth. I'm so sorry.

    Doing something professionally beneficial would be good, especially if it's something you're good at. Maybe try programming something.

  3. #3
    dormant jigglypuff's Avatar
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    sounds like lack of motivation and momentum. maybe get a job, any job, something that creates a sense of obligation in your day to day life. eventually you'll hate it enough that you'll end that but might have the momentum and motivation then to do something you "want" to do.

    if you can't do stuff for yourself, you're gonna have to do stuff for other people. that's ok though. just try things.

  4. #4
    Minister of Love Roger Mexico's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ptah View Post
    No history, no exposition, no anecdote or argument changes the invariant: we are all human beings, and some humans are idiots.

  5. #5
    New Member xxx's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lud View Post
    Sounds like you have a terrible case of youth. I'm so sorry.

    Doing something professionally beneficial would be good, especially if it's something you're good at. Maybe try programming something.
    Haha you know what? Maybe you're right. I ought to just keep trying and more importantly keep trying something... I'm considering learning a language/linguist-type of work since I tried multiple kinds in the past. Programming is surprisingly enjoyable, I just have no reason to program anything significant. If it's in the right learning environment, I might fare well.

    Not working at all is a big factor no doubt. Thanks for these bits and pieces of bacon people- I shall nibble on them as I go on my adventure

  6. #6
    igKnight Hephaestus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by xxx View Post
    Programming is surprisingly enjoyable, I just have no reason to program anything significant.
    This feel. I know it well.

    You might want to look into programming robots. I'm learning some CNC programming and manual lathe/mill machining and there's a lot more motivation for me in watching a robot make things as I command than there ever was to do complex string manipulation. Not that that wasn't fun, it just wasn't something I'd sit down and do for myself.

    Making robots move though--it's exhilarating. Might have something to do with all the risk involved--and the satisfaction from holding what you've made in your hands.

    I know, I know, it's not very "I enjoy abstract thought", but... it still involves a fair amount of math and algorithms. It's a great mix of mental and physical work, but it's more satisfying than either alone.

    It's also really cool to see that even though you're using a machine to do the work--using a robot to do the actual cutting--artistry still shows through. Your hand may not have made the cut, but the mind that commanded the cut still leaves traces of craftsmanship.

    Even if you just try and make a robot that walks, how it walks is your signature.
    --Mention of these things is so taboo, they aren't even allowed a name for the prohibition. It is just not done.

  7. #7
    New Member xxx's Avatar
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    I wonder if there is a market for robots that act stupid on purpose. I know what you mean. I can see the pride in the finished product from that type of work. I was taking some computer engineering courses but I haven't reached the higher levels to get to robotics. 3D printing sounds like it can be similarly rewarding as well... Making many small components to put together into a giant rail-gun-type shit. Yeah.. Maybe as a hobby definitely. There's some freelancing opportunities to that as well.

    Make a robot that makes other robots- begin robot revolution!

  8. #8
    Senior Member Starjots's Avatar
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    You seem focused more on what you might do than what you are able to do. What we end up doing is rarely what we think we might end up doing. That pernicious question "what do you want to be when you grow up" doesn't help. Perhaps it should be "what do you want to be able to do when you grow up?"

    Of course what you are able to do should continue to expand throughout life and actually doing things is the best way to become able to do more things. Anyway, cart before the horse and all that.

  9. #9
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    From what you write it sounds as if you're looking not only for development but for appreciation from others, too. You also seem very critical of yourself as well as possessing an unused potential you haven't yet tapped into. Moreover you seem to be able to make up your weaker traits with your stronger ones. Perhaps people would relate to you better if you showed a bit more of your human side – the part of you that worries and second-guesses behind your self-controlled, disciplined outside. You may be doubting whether you are doing, or have done, the right thing, but that's normal. Also you seem like someone who likes variety and does not do well in an environment perceived as too rigid. Additionally, you appear to be very proud of being an unbiased, rational thinker, and probably won't accept or implement advice without sufficient proof. While you might sometimes wish to have more friends, you can be reserved and introverted, too, with a tendency towards the latter. I think what you're really looking deep down for might be security, safety.

  10. #10
    New Member xxx's Avatar
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    why do I get this nudging feeling that was copy and pasted Not 100% sure about security. I suppose in the sense that I know I will have what I need with my choice i.e. satisfaction performing the tasks is security for me although like they say there will always be those bad days. I wonder if I will come to a conclusion in the scene like this fella here: Skip to 12:59

    Spoiler: Naruto ep153 scene
    Last edited by xxx; 06-06-2015 at 03:27 PM. Reason: Wrong video (eng dub is terrible)

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