Female INTP married to male ESTJ for (what seems like) forever. Let me help you.

[JenniferA]

I am an INTP. My husband is ESTJ-T Well, after all the reading I have done on our personalities, and learned how uncommon of a happily married couple we are. Just curious of how many others there are out there like us. We have been married 11, almost 12 years. I just turned 30 and he is 32. For sure our marriage hasn't been an easy road but is better now than ever before. I guess you could say I have learned how to control him with very little opposition from him. When his friends meet me they are just floored at the difference in him of how he treats me vs every other living thing. What can I say Im soo much smarter than him. But anyhow I was wondering if we are the only personalities that are happily married that the INTP has turned her ESTJ-T husband into her "submissive" so to say.

[Ptah]

Paging @Delilah....

[Faust]

I am an INTP. My husband is ESTJ-T Well, after all the reading I have done on our personalities, and learned how uncommon of a happily married couple we are. Just curious of how many others there are out there like us. We have been married 11, almost 12 years. I just turned 30 and he is 32. For sure our marriage hasn't been an easy road but is better now than ever before. I guess you could say I have learned how to control him with very little opposition from him. When his friends meet me they are just floored at the difference in him of how he treats me vs every other living thing. What can I say Im soo much smarter than him. But anyhow I was wondering if we are the only personalities that are happily married that the INTP has turned her ESTJ-T husband into her "submissive" so to say.

I doubt we're the only ones. Between manipulation of a strong ego, and dominance, I suppose in your case it's the latter since I'd imagine you'd butt heads otherwise. I've got a friend who always leads her relationships without conflict, though she's the extroverted type, and the guy just doesn't much care what the plans are so long as he has control over his non-social leisure time. If it were the case that sexual undercurrents are behind this dynamic, it could be he's the one in control, but it doesn't sound like it.

Similarly I often lead relationships but only because those I've dated tended to differ initiative, and I never met much resistance to my hard-headedness. I don't think I've always been the one to "hold all the cards" (i.e. being more likely to be the one to break up), so I can't say I've really been dominant, but decision-maker is the role I'm left with. I don't particularly care to be, but it's not much effort. Honestly I've wanted to date an ENTJ sort for a change of pace but it never manifests. Always been INTJ or INFJ.

[Sistamatic]

INTP female married to eNFP male here. 44 and 42 yo. My husband is nearly your husband's opposite type. There are challenges there as well. Appreciate your SJ because a marriage that doesn't have a single S or J in it can be...well imagine your life is a car on a crowded 20 lane freeway. With alarming regularity we look up and realize neither one of us is driving.

Planning is hard for us...and don't get me wrong, it's really nice not to be constantly badgered by a planner, but there is another side to that coin--sometimes shit starts falling apart. We are both great at looking up at the last minute, giving each other the "oh shit we did it again" look, and then juggling all the falling balls back into play at the last possible second, all while making it look as though it was part of the show...as if we are real grownups doing all the real grownup things. We always wait until no one is looking before we high five the aversion of a disaster of our own making. ENFPs are the greatest spin-doctors in the universe because they believe their own hype so much that it becomes true. I'm afraid one of these days we aren't going to look up in time. Of course he's totally not worried.

Makes life interesting, that's for sure.

[Delilah]

I am an INTP. My husband is ESTJ-T Well, after all the reading I have done on our personalities, and learned how uncommon of a happily married couple we are. Just curious of how many others there are out there like us. We have been married 11, almost 12 years. I just turned 30 and he is 32. For sure our marriage hasn't been an easy road but is better now than ever before. I guess you could say I have learned how to control him with very little opposition from him. When his friends meet me they are just floored at the difference in him of how he treats me vs every other living thing. What can I say Im soo much smarter than him. But anyhow I was wondering if we are the only personalities that are happily married that the INTP has turned her ESTJ-T husband into her "submissive" so to say.

I see where you're going with this. I wouldn't call him my submissive so much as saying he has accepted that I am his rational superior. He may not like the way I make the decisions I do (hhe hates it), but he values the fact that my methodology , and therefore my conclusions, just make more sense.....

.... once he shuts his gaping maw for a damn minute to think it over. Which can take days, or even years...

[Limes]

I read the title of this thread and I see the author and every damn time; why why why Delilah!

[Delilah]

I read the title of this thread and I see the author and every damn time; why why why Delilah!

You just answered your own question my old limey friend.

[jojo38]

I consider myself to be an INxP, and my husband is probably ESTJ, but borderline on the I/E. We have been a couple for 20+ years, married for most of that time, and there have been times when the only reason we stayed together was pure determination. Things have gotten downright ugly from time to time, but we have actually been having a relatively peaceful spell for the last year or two. We get along better when I do not expect anything from him in the way of understanding.