Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 30

Thread: Visiting family at Christmas

  1. #1
    Senior Member
    Type
    INTP
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Posts
    2,502

    Visiting family at Christmas

    rhinosaur asked my inlaws what they want for Christmas. They want us to come visit them. Seriously? That's a $1000 gift, and that's assuming we can get someone to pick us up in Atlanta and drive us the two hours to their house instead of renting a car, not the mention that I'd rather not spend my VERY minimal vacation time sitting on a porch in the middle of nowhere. It will take a day to get there and a day to get back, so a four day trip for a two day visit. We're going to have to give them a budget range next year. Or just send them a box of shit they didn't ask for.

  2. #2
    Retired
    Type
    XXXX
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Posts
    5,794
    Quote Originally Posted by starla View Post
    rhinosaur asked my inlaws what they want for Christmas. They want us to come visit them. Seriously? That's a $1000 gift, and that's assuming we can get someone to pick us up in Atlanta and drive us the two hours to their house instead of renting a car, not the mention that I'd rather not spend my VERY minimal vacation time sitting on a porch in the middle of nowhere. It will take a day to get there and a day to get back, so a four day trip for a two day visit. We're going to have to give them a budget range next year. Or just send them a box of shit they didn't ask for.

  3. #3
    I like big buts Sir Caveat's Avatar
    Type
    INTx
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    2,551
    Quote Originally Posted by Sappho View Post
    descendants pranked video
    Bittersweet. Provoked a guilt tinged tear. Though there would be joy and relief, I imagine those emotions would be mixed in with a taint of anger after being manipulated; particularly among the in-laws, well full blown anger among the in-laws. It's a good premise around which to build a full length Christmas movie.
    You hide behind caveats and modifiers. - Lurker

  4. #4
    Senior Member
    Type
    INTP
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Posts
    2,502
    Quote Originally Posted by Sappho View Post
    video
    I don't understand why this old man just sits around waiting for people to visit him. It's much easier to get one person across the country than a whole family with kids.

    As for my in laws, we just saw them in September. We lived a six hour drive from them for many years and they rarely visited. Also, they're my in laws, not my parents, so I don't think your video had the intended effect. We can pretend they're a second mom and dad because that's what society tells us to do, but the fact is I barely know these people.

  5. #5
    Retired
    Type
    XXXX
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Posts
    5,794
    Quote Originally Posted by starla View Post
    I don't understand why this old man just sits around waiting for people to visit him. It's much easier to get one person across the country than a whole family with kids.
    Do you know octogenarians and beyond? At some point it becomes a mental and physical impossibility to travel. Besides, the ad clearly shows his children living in different corners of the world, so it's a lot easier to gather at his place, than him going around the world to meet them one-by-one. Moreover, it would make sense that with someone who spent 20+ years of raising your sorry ass (and paying for its lodgings, food, student tuition and whatnot), you'd at least do him the honour of visiting once a year, instead of demanding he travel to your place.

    NB. Rant not directed at you personally. I'm speaking in general terms.

    As for my in laws, we just saw them in September. We lived a six hour drive from them for many years and they rarely visited. Also, they're my in laws, not my parents, so I don't think your video had the intended effect. We can pretend they're a second mom and dad because that's what society tells us to do, but the fact is I barely know these people.
    Right. But the fact is, they made and raised the person who (presumably) is most important to you (see above). And while you yourself might not know them well, your beloved surely does. Unless he has a wretched relationship with his parents, I see no reason why you wouldn't want to spend Christmas with them.

  6. #6
    Senior Member
    Type
    INTP
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Posts
    2,502
    Quote Originally Posted by Sappho View Post
    Right. But the fact is, they made and raised the person who (presumably) is most important to you (see above). And while you yourself might not know them well, your beloved surely does. Unless he has a wretched relationship with his parents, I see no reason why you wouldn't want to spend Christmas with them.
    On the first part of your response, we're going to have to agree to disagree. I have no idea how old the man in the video is, but I'd say 80 is a high estimate. But it's kind of beside the point. Old people complaining that their kids don't visit enough is ridiculously common. It's like they don't remember what it's like to have jobs and little kids and no money or vacation time. If you want to see someone and they're too broke and busy to visit you, you can either sit home and whine about it, or you can go visit them. My parents, after years of trying to badger my sister and I to come visit them, finally caught on that it's much easier for them to just come to us. Now we're stuck with them visiting several times a year, but that's our problem I guess.

    As for my in laws, I don't want to spend Christmas with them because I'd rather do enjoyable things. But it's way too late in the game to go there for Christmas anyway, I assumed they were asking us to visit later in the year.

  7. #7
    Retired
    Type
    XXXX
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Posts
    5,794
    Quote Originally Posted by starla View Post
    On the first part of your response, we're going to have to agree to disagree. I have no idea how old the man in the video is, but I'd say 80 is a high estimate. But it's kind of beside the point. Old people complaining that their kids don't visit enough is ridiculously common. It's like they don't remember what it's like to have jobs and little kids and no money or vacation time. If you want to see someone and they're too broke and busy to visit you, you can either sit home and whine about it, or you can go visit them. My parents, after years of trying to badger my sister and I to come visit them, finally caught on that it's much easier for them to just come to us. Now we're stuck with them visiting several times a year, but that's our problem I guess.

    As for my in laws, I don't want to spend Christmas with them because I'd rather do enjoyable things. But it's way too late in the game to go there for Christmas anyway, I assumed they were asking us to visit later in the year.
    As someone whose parents passed away early, it always escapes me how people (especially those with a presumably reasonably good parent-child relationship) can perceive theirs as a nuisance.

  8. #8
    Senior Member
    Type
    intp
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Posts
    1,927
    That's one thing I do appreciate about my parents. They don't complain when I'm gone for multiple years at a time. Probably because they already have 6 grandkids over there and I'm the only one of the family that left.

    In-laws would be tricky. I'm extremely defensive of my independence and against attempts at manipulation. It drives me to a rage.

  9. #9
    Homo siderius Sistamatic's Avatar
    Type
    INTP
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    5,474
    INTPx Award Winner
    Quote Originally Posted by Sappho View Post
    As someone whose parents passed away early, it always escapes me how people (especially those with a presumably reasonably good parent-child relationship) can perceive theirs as a nuisance.
    I can see how it would be hard to understand from your pov.

    I do have trying, but not awful parents. It is hard for me to imagine the day that will one day come when I don't have the previous generation in my corner. It's like having a parachute ... reluctantly provided by people who want to tell you when and where to jump as a condition of its provision. You are glad to have it, but sometimes it is such a pain in the ass, and sometimes, if you aren't able to set boundaries with your parents, they can cause you to travel in a direction you'd rather not travel in just because you don't want to disappoint them. Sometimes it is easier to just leave your parents out of the loop than to deal with their active dissuasion of the things you feel passionate about. Ex: Our dad didn't let us take art or music classes as electives in high school because he didn't see how they could possibly add to our earning potential. He admits now that he was in error, but at the time, he actively dissuaded my interest in being any kind of artist.

    Some parents are unarguably awful. My coauthor's parents are so terrible that being around them for a week invariably causes him to have a major bout of depression. They actively erode his self esteem. The things they say to him...you would not believe it. They are pretty open about how disappointed they are in him. He'd likely be better off if he disowned them completely...but he just can't bring himself to.

    If you have a certain type of parent, the best thing you can do for yourself is to set strict boundaries on what powers they have in your life.

    Here's a good article about some of the ways parents hold their kids back: http://www.ndoherty.com/parents/


    All that being said, I'm glad to still have my parents. I don't take them for granted, but that doesn't mean I don't want to choke them sometimes. I'm guessing they say the same thing about me. Family -- people you can simultaneously love unconditionally and want to murder.
    Insults are effective only where emotion is present. -- Spock, "Who Mourns for Adonais?" Stardate 3468.1.

    I'm not avoiding socializing I'm helping socializing avoid me! --MoneyJungle

  10. #10
    Faster. Than. Ever. Sloth's Avatar
    Type
    INTP
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Location
    Somewhere, I'm sure.
    Posts
    2,189
    Quote Originally Posted by Sappho View Post
    As someone whose parents passed away early, it always escapes me how people (especially those with a presumably reasonably good parent-child relationship) can perceive theirs as a nuisance.
    I'm with Sappho on this one. @starla open up a dialogue with them, explain it to them at least from a financial standpoint. If they don't get they don't get it, but there's a chance they will and at least if you don't go you explained it to them.

    But to be honest, to those of us who have lost parents your posts sound like: "Ugh these people that care about me and my family want to see me, it sucks. They miss us and it's so irritating. I hate that they care enough to invite us to spend time with them. OMG such a pain in the ass how they like being around me and my family, like really omfg already."

    Just saying.

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 4
    Last Post: 04-07-2015, 11:26 PM
  2. Christmas Presents
    By Perdix in forum The Pub
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: 12-25-2014, 10:17 AM
  3. What should I get my husband for Christmas?
    By starla in forum The Pub
    Replies: 42
    Last Post: 01-03-2014, 02:01 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •