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Thread: Temptation

  1. #1
    schlemiel Faust's Avatar
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    Temptation

    Lets talk about temptation and relationships. From my experience, the desire to meet, or sleep, with other women never diminishes, at least not to any significant extent. Typically I hear from the happily-coupled that being with the 'right' person helps substantially, though I imagine that could be attributed to the comfort of certainty reached by choice, not celestial immunization, unfortunately. Similarly, it's possible to choose not dwell on temptation, as if withholding desire in some quasi-Buddhist fashion, but that seems a choice to be made perpetually. I've certainly never made it. And I wonder if I have the capacity to have such certainty about a partner. If what's good is good enough, the problem is always with yourself, and yours to deal with. Maybe I'm greedy.

    What are your experiences dealing with temptation? Do you take it as a sign, like the canary that is your love in the coal mine, or ignore it completely?

  2. #2
    .: PERSISTENCE IS ALL :. Pan_Sonic_000's Avatar
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    I see at least two women every day (that aren't my girlfriend) that I want to fuck. I very rarely see any that I want to know or be involved with emotionally other than her. It's just sex, that's it.

    Like you, I learned a long time ago that this will never go away and even when I've done the open relationship thing, it doesn't satiate -- the desire simply expands to fill the new boundaries. At times I've wondered if that suggests addiction, but I don't think so. At this point, it's as much of a nuisance as it is anything else because I realize there's no point in investing all that effort to chase new tail, but my lizard brain doesn't accept that when some girl with an astonishingly nice ass is walking in front of me in yoga pants. What I really wish I could do is harness that desire towards other endeavors, like art or entrepreneurship.

    I dunno. I mostly just let it go when I feel it. Not because I feel guilty or because I'm taking some moral high ground, but more because of the pragmatic aspects. As in, why bother with the effort? I could fuck that girl and an hour later, I'll feel the same way. There's no point in spending my life on that hamster wheel. Just shrug and move on. Or go home to my girl...
    Last edited by Pan_Sonic_000; 01-06-2014 at 03:38 AM.

  3. #3
    Sysop
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    This whole dynamic is very, very strange to me.

    While I certainly experience the superficial "hm, she's hot/cute/pretty" attraction to various women here and there, I do not feel any particular urge such as one I have to keep in check qua resisting a temptation. Even among attractive women I see more frequently/"know"... I mean, they are pleasant on the eyes but I'm not feeling any temptation, really.

    And I'm not really under any agenda to go meet, nevermind bed other women. The very concept of it is tiresome to imagine, nevermind pretty clearly precluded by my ethics.

  4. #4
    New Member Etherealsage's Avatar
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    While it's true that I always see attractive women who I'd like to get naked, sex is a low enough priority that I never try. This is even more the case when I'm with a girl. In my mind, if she's not worth a relationship, she's not worth having sex with. As a result, I've never really fallen for temptation. And that's without the moral system I follow.

  5. #5
    (╯□)╯︵ ┻━┻ Deckard's Avatar
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    [When I was in a LTR] it'd be relatively rare to meet women I'd like to explore in terms of mental & emotional intimacy. It did happen, and on those occasions I'd have to work out whether that would be compatible with my SO and I. Everyone has their own relationship rules & boundaries, and we were both ok with our partner engaging in physical and emotional intimacy with others, as long as it was discussed between us and given the ok first. We are always going to encounter people we are intensely attracted to while in a LTR, and it's not a foregone conclusion that these people must be resisted, or that including them in your intimate circle is in some way wrong or harmful. The idea behind polyamory is that we are capable of more than one love (some would argue we're more wired to polyamory than monogamy). There is generally a lot of social & emotional baggage to overcome with poly relationships, but it's rewarding and it helps you develop good self-awareness and emotional control. I was very skeptical of the idea at first, but for me it was fundamentally a question of whether I wanted to exclude those experiences from my life, and whether the barriers in the way (mostly fear & jealousy for me) were significant / meaningful.

  6. #6
    .: PERSISTENCE IS ALL :. Pan_Sonic_000's Avatar
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    TIL: I'm a pervert.

  7. #7
    Bringer of Jollity MoneyJungle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pan_Sonic_000 View Post
    TIL: I'm a pervert.

    INTPComplex may not be the best sample against which to gauge sexual deviance.

  8. #8
    Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pan_Sonic_000 View Post
    TIL: I'm a pervert.
    If that's the case, I'm a pervert too.

  9. #9
    dormant jigglypuff's Avatar
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    i don't feel any temptation. i think i just know my partner's insecurities too well and i don't even go there in my mind. plus i'm pretty satisfied.

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