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Thread: INTP Female needs help communicating with ISFP spouse.

  1. #11
    Member Confetti's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lurker View Post
    Yeah, that's why I keep coming back. I don't know your patience threshold -- or much else about you -- but I feel like an N may make too many concessions to an S. I do not think these concessions are worth it, unless you are dealing with family.

    In broad stokes, I'll summarize: The sensor is incapable of understanding your language; therefore, you can't be spontaneous, and you have the added burden of "reaching" the sensor. This won't go both ways. In fact, you may be thought of as "weird" or "spacey" for simply being yourself. I've heard sensors refer to intuitive types as airheads because they aren't tuned in with their environment (this is esp. true of Se doms). Basically, you understand them and are willing to alter your natural ways of communication so they can "get it." They don't understand you. In fact, they may look down on everything you hold dear. The mystique of attempting to know the "unknowable" will only carry a relationship so far.

    Basically, if he can't understand you as you are, you should move on.



    Think about the stuff in bold. Proves my point.
    I know. I know.

  2. #12
    Member I_AM's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Confetti View Post
    Very much SJW (I say that affectionally, I admire it to an extent.)
    To what extent?

    I passed Botheration so I can be a Reconsideration

  3. #13
    Member Confetti's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by I_AM View Post
    To what extent?
    When he becomes so blinded by whatever it is he's defending that it becomes almost hypocritical. Or other times he's just so emotional about it that I can't stand to be around him. He'll go on and on about these injustices everywhere, and it just seems to make him so pessimistic.
    The worst part is that while I constantly agree with what he's saying, when I want to talk about maybe why people think these things or what may be going on with the ecosystems to drive or allow these certain patterns or behaviors, he becomes completely irrational and accuses me of defending whatever it is he's opposing (which I'm not, or at least I'm not trying to. I just want to understand the problem instead of talking about the obvious.)
    An example is one time when he was talking about how much he hates his family for their beliefs and how they're all ignorant assholes who don't know anything about the world, I simply inquired about what type of upbringing they had. I know they're all pretty rich, so I was looking to connect some things and he just blew up. Said I was defending them and it didn't matter what kind of lifestyle they had growing up because he's explained the "facts" of life to them and they refuse to see then. Caused a huge argument.
    And don't get me started on the time I proposed we possibly one day look into getting a loan from a bank for a down payment on a house instead of renting forever... I somehow then immediately was in support of the banking cartels and big money.
    Last edited by Confetti; 07-21-2016 at 08:17 PM.

  4. #14
    Member Confetti's Avatar
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    Also, I've been thinking a lot recently and I agree with a lot of the things it says on ISTP profiles for him too, I'm struggling between identifying him as a T or F I think. I've gone over both over and over again, thinking about posting a "help me type him" thread and going into detail, not sure if that's acceptable though. He refuses to type test and there's nothing I can do to convince him.

  5. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by Confetti View Post
    Also, I've been thinking a lot recently and I agree with a lot of the things it says on ISTP profiles for him too, I'm struggling between identifying him as a T or F I think. I've gone over both over and over again, thinking about posting a "help me type him" thread and going into detail, not sure if that's acceptable though. He refuses to type test and there's nothing I can do to convince him.
    Not sure the type accuracy matters so much as the communication difference.. IE.. him: "Thing is bad therefore thing is bad" vs you: "Thing is bad, why? How? When? Maybe it's grey? Maybe everything is a shade of grey? etc"

    In my experience, that one difference between you is unlikely to ever change.

    However, feel free to start a type this man thread. We still enjoy that process round these parts I think

    Edit: Another note from my experience; While you will rarely change his mind in the short term, or really have that deep discussion you are looking for that communicates the depths of an argument, over the long term (years) your ideas and ideals will bleed in to some extent. In essence, your views will begin to coalesce, but he probably won't know why or even notice it happening. He still won't enjoy talking about it though. lol
    Quote Originally Posted by whatloveihave View Post
    I don't find you a potential threat to human society, you're not crazy. Feces.

  6. #16
    Member Confetti's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stigmatica View Post
    Not sure the type accuracy matters so much as the communication difference.. IE.. him: "Thing is bad therefore thing is bad" vs you: "Thing is bad, why? How? When? Maybe it's grey? Maybe everything is a shade of grey? etc"

    In my experience, that one difference between you is unlikely to ever change.

    However, feel free to start a type this man thread. We still enjoy that process round these parts I think

    Edit: Another note from my experience; While you will rarely change his mind in the short term, or really have that deep discussion you are looking for that communicates the depths of an argument, over the long term (years) your ideas and ideals will bleed in to some extent. In essence, your views will begin to coalesce, but he probably won't know why or even notice it happening. He still won't enjoy talking about it though. lol
    Ok I did, thanks for your advice.

  7. #17
    Senior Member Lurker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Confetti View Post
    I know. I know.
    That was coming from a bitter, jaded person. I don't want to cast a pall on your relationship.

    Take my advice with a grain of salt.


  8. #18
    Member I_AM's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Confetti View Post
    When he becomes so blinded by whatever it is he's defending that it becomes almost hypocritical. Or other times he's just so emotional about it that I can't stand to be around him. He'll go on and on about these injustices everywhere, and it just seems to make him so pessimistic.
    Interesting, so it really isn't to the extent that you admire him that is dominant, but more the extent that you become frustrated by him. It seems that you stated it the way you did to convince yourself that his SJW persona is a positive, so to speak.

    Quote Originally Posted by Confetti View Post
    The worst part is that while I constantly agree with what he's saying, when I want to talk about maybe why people think these things or what may be going on with the ecosystems to drive or allow these certain patterns or behaviors, he becomes completely irrational and accuses me of defending whatever it is he's opposing (which I'm not, or at least I'm not trying to. I just want to understand the problem instead of talking about the obvious.)
    Indeed. These topics, on which you constantly agree, are probably matters of passion for him. To engage rationale with him on the issues would involve him compromising his passion for whatever subject you are attempting to break apart and understand. When you attempt to start laying out the causal relationships in these matters he has to start thinking critically in order to understand your point of view. As he is doing this he probably at some point starts to realize that he himself is not feeling the passion in that moment that he had just previously held regarding the subject matter at hand. Therefore he may jump immediately to the conclusion that it is YOUR doing that his passion has been nipped in the bud, and therefore you must be on the side of whatever entity/idea he is passionate against. He then regains his *sigh* passion with a fervor and starts lashing out at you for causing him to (from his emotional view of the world) side with the enemy. You are most likely deeply engaged in critical thought at this juncture and his outburst of sudden bullshit accusation spewing would probably cause you discomfort and irritation.

    You could kind of look at it thusly:
    You are leading his conscious awareness to a place that is uncomfortable and unnatural, for his normal day-to-day passion filled crusade of life, when you are attempting to ascertain the cause and effect relationships that have led to the current state of affairs which are consuming the SJW's thoughts and emotions.

    Quote Originally Posted by Confetti View Post
    An example is one time when he was talking about how much he hates his family for their beliefs and how they're all ignorant assholes who don't know anything about the world, I simply inquired about what type of upbringing they had. I know they're all pretty rich, so I was looking to connect some things and he just blew up. Said I was defending them and it didn't matter what kind of lifestyle they had growing up because he's explained the "facts" of life to them and they refuse to see then. Caused a huge argument.
    And don't get me started on the time I proposed we possibly one day look into getting a loan from a bank for a down payment on a house instead of renting forever... I somehow then immediately was in support of the banking cartels and big money.
    Facts are supposed to be concrete and immutable for the most part. If you have 100 pieces of information taken as fact then combine them to draw a conclusion, which is held by a majority, then the conclusion also becomes a fact. If even one of those pieces of information is incorrect or if one of the connections between the pieces of information doesn't fit together then the conclusion drawn really can't be considered a fact. If the individual doesn't rationally examine all the pieces that create these facts, but still presents them as facts, they will most likely become baffled when others fail to take on their perspective and reach the same conclusion. It could be the presentation sucked, it could be nobody give shit what the SJW has to say. When the person is an emotional creature they are just going to throw a big hissy fit and cry like a baby because they are right and everyone else is wrong. WAAAAAAAH!

    As far as the banking cartels go....
    How does he know that your rent money isn't going to support the cartels? Putting a middleman buffer between you and the bank would not change the "fact" that your money is being ciphoned into one of the many corrupt financial institutions. You are just getting the pleasure of paying the middleman a fee (with the cartel's fiat currency I might add) to make sure that money gets to the bank.

    Also, sorry it took like a month to answer, been busy working as a slave in a new job so I can pay bills.

    I passed Botheration so I can be a Reconsideration

  9. #19
    Member Confetti's Avatar
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    Thanks for the reply! I too am slaving away, will possibly update later.

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