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Thread: What the fuck is wrong with Windows 10?

  1. #1
    igKnight Hephaestus's Avatar
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    What the fuck is wrong with Windows 10?

    Ok, that's a little baity in the ambiguity. In the interest of forward compatibility, and on reading about a little hackey method of getting your free upgrade relatively indefinitely later by making a backup installation image and then reverting to Windows 7 to cling to sanity until it creaks too much to continue, I did the uh... "upgrade". I also felt it behooved me to take it for a test run, just in case I was just being needlessly resistant to change and overly contemptuous.

    I was not.

    That's the conclusion. The rest of this will be my detailing the things that I discover about the OS that trigger a visceral reaction. I've been up and running for maybe 45 minutes now, and I had shit to say even before I was up and running. I haven't done much, and I feel this deserves a thread.

    So... did anyone else find the installation to be surprisingly creepy? Like scary movie creepy. I'm talking full on hackles-up "If I were watching this in a movie I'd be saying, "Don't go in there! Don't go in there you stupid fuck! RUN! FOREST! RUN! TO THE WOODS!" and telling myself, "No fucking way I'd go in there. Not without good armour and a flamethrower" so why I still going in?" Cause that's what happened to me.

    First, yes, I took the custom install route. Duh. And holy shit what they wanted me to default into is terrifying. I don't even want to know what kind of porn I watch, let alone have Microsoft know. I mean, I've little doubt they know or can readily find out, but I don't want to tell them, let alone by default! I don't want that to be something I clearly optioned into! No! You sick motherfuckers, you can munge the general data pool or steal it from me because I can't stop you, but there's no fucking way I'm agreeing to sending it to you in a pretty little packet!

    Have all their architects been pithed? I'd be pithed if I were tasked to design that. I'd be pithed as hell. I'm a self described ath-hole but that shit is beneath me.

    To my surprise... it got worse. There were a couple pages of that shit, all of which, from even the bland and deliberately inoffensive and shrinking tone of the description, were fucking horrible and gross. It's like if you hired a gardener and the first thing they did was have a check list of awful things that you could choose to not have them do to you and your property, but by default, everything on the list was open to their discretion. Who the fuck gets to set up their business like that?

    Other than Apple I mean. Obviously I knew about Apple.

    Their cult has temples everywhere.

    I'm still a little baffled we haven't seen any Linux shrines popping up. You'd think they would have some sort of Tabernacle or something, but maybe they're going for that "so holy we don't need churches" vibe to see what the early Christian church stepped back from. Seems to be working for them. I'm not giving an adverb to describe how I think that's working out, but I'm thinking it. Not that I'm thrilled with my taken option mind you.

    I'm really not enthused by any of my options to be honest. But I digress.

    The thing that most turned my bowels to chittering goo, was this pulsing blue screen, with an all lowercase font message--because I prefer to think of system messages as coming from a middle school aged girl. I fucking told you this shit was creepy. The message, in a blandly cheerful font assured or admonished me:

    "all your files are where you left them"

    Again, this is on the screen in this blocky innocuous font, just like the little flashes of words you see when people in movies are being brainwashed. And the pulsing blue backgrounnd? It changes in intensity and rhythm.

    1984 much? Am I candidate for Manchuria?

    What gets me most, is that I'm not sure if it's being passive aggressive. I honestly think it is. It's not reassuring me, it's promising that any failure to find my files is my fault. If anything is missing, it's because I forgot where I put it. And once you realize that, that pulsing is more of a seething. Like the installation is snarling and gnashing it's teeth.

    No doubt in anticipation of the battle yet to come. Even if I can still find all my "important files", there's still the thunderfuckingly awful mindblancher that is the incomprehensibly awful user interface. I mean, the OS brand name is "Windows", right? They've done a lot of windows over the years, and most of them were good. Apparently, they've had enough of that shit and have decided that from here on out:

    Quote Originally Posted by Microsoft
    Only shit windows. All the time. Fuck you for wanting the ones you liked.

    Years of research says people like rounded corners and edges that are foreshortened to appear beveled? Obviously we're going to stop doing that. An interface people find pleasing to gaze on? Managers have been complaining about lost productivity from workers just gazing at the window edges and title bar for hours on end, admiring their beauty and the smoothness through which they could be drug across the desktop, back and forth, back and forth. So no more distractions. Get back to work. And here's a stack of Solitaire games. We hate your boss too. This doesn't mean we're on your side, we also hate you, it's just that we hate your boss too.
    Wonderful.

    So I found my way to the personalization page, feeling the bleached asshole made of construction paper look was bumming me out, and surely I'd be able to find something palatable here? Oh, silly me. I'd not yet figured things out. You'd think it would have been obvious from that System message, but no, I figured the defaults were just an awful and terrible blank slate. I mean, wouldn't that be a cool way to encourage people to learn how to customize their own interface? Give them something serviceable but a little 'yuck', and then guide them to using those wonderful tools you made available to customize their UI, because it would be a shame to let them go to waste!

    Not that I actually think anyone at Microsoft thinks like that. But I did think I'd be able to have similar customization options to their past iterations.

    Nope. Not even close. Not even a fart's width of the customization options. I figured out how to change the desktop--that was nice, except for the UI I had to use to find the picture I wanted to use. It was like fishing raisins out of oatmeal or bread pudding. Doable, but not engaging. My initial thought is that if feels primitive. But it's worse than that. It feels like the sort of window you'd get if you were trying to recover from a crash and things were not going well. Actually, those windows look better. They have an ASCII border.

    I then go digging to find out what sort of border and title bar options I have. I'd like to turn Aero back on.

    My dig ended quickly, but not as quickly as it should have. What you can do is pretty shallow, and I spent more than twice the time it took to find what you could change, groping around looking for where the rest of it had been hidden. It was not hidden. It was taken.

    These are the new Windows windows. And the new Windows mantra is, "We hate customization, and character".

    But it gets worse. Your biggest UI appearance option, other than desktop background, it the default "accent" colour, to be used on the task bar and title bars and their odious system app icons. (Spoiler alert, I hate the new icons. They match the windows UI: crude.) But you can't pick just any colour. By default you can either have colour taken at random from your background image, or you can select from a small collection of bland color swatches. Sharp eyed readers will note, these swatches are so bland, they don't rate the 'u' I usually put in when I spell "colour".

    I went searching the internet, looking for solutions. I couldn't believe I was the only person who'd looked at this shit and said, "what is this shit?" and surely Microsoft had to notice for surely we were legion. Shark in a turret. I was about half right. I discovered to my alarm, that the ability to change the accent color (still does not rate full letters), was much lauded added feature. Holy-fucking-shit-on-a-rabies-bite! It's like discovering your neighbors are active cannibals and have been raiding nearby suburbs for sustenance. After a summer of their amazing BBQ parties with the jawdroppingly good short ribs and oh my god those were long hams.

    Another decent enough person to not be involved in this drek lamented the limited color pallet. (Yeah, they ain't getting a palette neither. It's a bloody color pallet.) Someone mentioned using the command prompt, and typing "control color". I'll take a moment to note they know they gave us colors that didn't rate a 'u'! THEY FUCKING KNEW IT WHEN THEY MADE IT! Otherwise, that command would be a little different.

    This command, the anonymous voice on the internet wrote, would open a colour picker. And lo, it did. That's what it called itself. It wasn't a nice colour picker like you might find in any modern painting program not made by Microsoft. It was a multi-bar color picker. And it didn't work. By this I mean, you were still limited to colors, even though you could see colours on the color picker. If you selected a colour, you got a color instead, and there were places on the colour picker it clearly wouldn't go. You could drag the bar through there, but the color changed not at all. Furthermore, and this is just unbelievable absurd, but furthermore: It was slow. And jerky! Somehow, changing colors was incredibly taxing to my i5-2550k and 16GB of RAM. Brought my system to it's knees.

    I can't shake the feeling it was deliberately made janky just as a Skinner box negative conditioning thing because they hired some executive's sadist from some pay per whip dungeon. Not that I'm knocking anyone for having that kink. I get it! More or less. I'm just saying a sadist probably shouldn't be heading up you UI design team. That seems like an obvious mistake to me. But who am I to judge. I haven't reverted yet. I'm going to see about digging deeper cause, I need a distraction from the presidential election. That shitshow makes this shitshow look like more of constipated bloodfart. Which one is worse, I leave up to the philosophers.

    On the start menu, there is a sidebar with those dinky tiles. To my amazement, right-clicking them brought up a sub-menu, and yes, I could uninstall things. Except for the things I wasn't allowed to uninstall. Those I could only unpin. Things like: The Windows Store! Oh boy. Feels like a fucking phone already!

    After getting all the bloody tiles off, I still had to contend with a blank space. On the one hand, it was better than what was there before. On the other hand, it was much bigger than it needed to be, it felt like an observer would conclude I was compensating for something. I am, but not with that. I have a little class.

    Turned out that you can drag the edge. I think 7 let you do that too, but it never came up.

    And that's another thing. Sure, sure, this release returns with a Start Bar, but did they really have to fuck it up? Was that really necessary? The old start bar was readily organized. This start bar, once you found the bit that let you see all the things you'd had on your start bar, well, this start bar doesn't give a fuck about how you wanted to organize things. This start bar knows that alphabetically is the one true way, there is no other way but alphabetical (there isn't that I've found yet) and all other ways are heretical and false way and the folly of infidels. Madh Cortana.

    It caused me to realize whyfor the petulant passive aggressive memo. There was shit I couldn't find. Like Command Prompt.

    Fortunately, the search bar works.

    Ohhhh. Right. I almost missed that Skinner box. Sneaky shits, ain't they?

    Sneaky-ass fuckers. Hyphens are tricky.
    Last edited by Hephaestus; 07-28-2016 at 08:29 AM.
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    I'm glad I resisted. Usually I don't give a rat's arse about the NSA being able to read my e-mails (heck, why else would e-mail be free?) etc, but Win 10 seems like so much of a spying tool it was even too much for my taste.

    Thanks for that smashing review!

  3. #3
    Now we know... Asteroids Champion ACow's Avatar
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    Got the ads in the start menu and logon screen yet?

  4. #4
    TJ TeresaJ's Avatar
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    I think I've pretty much let go of any expectations of what I wanted my computing experience to be. I use my laptop for basically one thing (until I start school): the internet. I found a soothing background, deleted everything I possibly could, and open up my browser as quickly as possible.

    Any time I have to open the start menu it's a fresh assault on my senses.
    Too bad, Lady Une. You were far too lenient.
    As a soldier, yes. But as a civilian I lived an austere life.

  5. #5
    Sysop Ptah's Avatar
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    I've installed 10. Turned off (via settings, registry, group policy, or file-hacking) all its telemetry and ad bullshit. I use a local account. I turned off and then hacked out Cortana as much as possible (the b.s. thing is that if you remove it entirely, the shell no longer functions at all). I use a replacement Start Menu (Classic Start Menu), hacked out One Drive, the Store and all that cloud-related bullshit. Installed a custom desktop search client (to circumvent Cortana). Weeks of hacking and such later, I finally have a non-odious Windows 10 installation. In retrospect, I'd not do it again. I still have my stable Windows 7 system image ready to go back to at a moment's notice if 10 pisses me off (and/or otherwise prompts me to waste my time hacking against it) any further. I've been incubating a Slackware image (via virtualization) for a while now, as an alternative.

  6. #6
    If the product is free the product is you! DX12 was tempting bait but this mouse remains free.

  7. #7
    Formerly PiccoloNamek Lunar Delta's Avatar
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    Windows 10 is fine. I installed it, got rid of the shit I didn't want or need, and it's no different than using Windows 7. Well actually, it's significantly snappier than Windows 7, uses less memory, and wakes up from sleep and boots up MUCH more quickly. And there's DX12 of course.
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    凸(ಠ_ರೃ )凸 stuck's Avatar
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  9. #9
    Perfect is Shit LowIQLogan's Avatar
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    Its p shit. The only reason I am using it is because windows automatically installed it on my computer. I mean ya I think in reality I might have accidentally approved the 102nd upgrade alert after declining for what 6 months now? At this point the silicon valley circle jerk can impose their beveled dicks on me with impunity. Hopefully I'll be able to leave the struggle of only using efficient and well thought out software behind. It seems to be a losing battle.
    "A new immortal appeared in front of you. Would you like preparations of inception?"

    aka HappyNoodleBoy

  10. #10
    Scobblelotcher Sistamatic's Avatar
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    It re-lettered my drives during install and then couldn't find itself when it restarted my computer. Queue circus music.

    I dislike that it can do something as fundamental as renaming all of my drives without asking. I had a totally intuitive and complex map of where to find shit in my computer, and many months later, that map is still screwed up because of it.
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