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Thread: News articles that should be in the Onion

  1. #1291
    No Thank You Blorg's Avatar
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    Meae Musae Servus Hephaestus's Avatar
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    Milgram gonna Milgram.
    Most of time, when people ask why something terrible happened, they don't realize they are looking for someone to blame.

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    Minister of Love Roger Mexico's Avatar
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    Philippines’ Duterte under fire for calling God ‘stupid’

    “Who is this stupid God? This son of a bitch is really stupid,” said the 73-year-old leader, known for his rambling public statements.

    Duterte lamented that Adam and Eve’s sin in Christian theology resulted in all the faithful falling from divine grace. “You were not involved but now you’re stained with an original sins … What kind of a religion is that? That’s what I can’t accept, very stupid proposition,” he said.
    “Why do you bind me with something very stupid?"
    Sen. Panfilo Lacson, a former national police chief, said he has often backed Duterte’s policies, but after the president’s utterances against God “to whom I pray every single day and with whom I’ve found solace and comfort in all my difficult times, I don’t even have to think of my choice.”



    Rodrigo Duterte says he’ll resign as Philippine president if someone can prove God exists


    He says if there’s “one single witness” who can prove, perhaps with a picture, that they were able to see and talk to God, he will immediately resign.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ptah View Post
    No history, no exposition, no anecdote or argument changes the invariant: we are all human beings, and some humans are idiots.

  4. #1294
    Hasta Siempre Madrigal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Roger Mexico View Post
    Philippines’ Duterte under fire for calling God ‘stupid’

    “Who is this stupid God? This son of a bitch is really stupid,” said the 73-year-old leader, known for his rambling public statements.

    Duterte lamented that Adam and Eve’s sin in Christian theology resulted in all the faithful falling from divine grace. “You were not involved but now you’re stained with an original sins … What kind of a religion is that? That’s what I can’t accept, very stupid proposition,” he said.


    I had to forward that to a few people I know.
    Everything under heaven is in utter chaos; the situation is excellent. - Mao

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  6. #1296
    Hasta Siempre Madrigal's Avatar
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    Arrest made in beating of 91-year-old who reportedly was told to 'go back to Mexico'

    Laquisha Jones, 30, was arrested Tuesday night in Los Angeles on suspicion of beating Rodolfo Rodriguez last week, the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department said.

    Everything under heaven is in utter chaos; the situation is excellent. - Mao

  7. #1297
    Minister of Love Roger Mexico's Avatar
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    "President Trump’s spiritual adviser Paula White said this week that Jesus would have been sinful and 'would not have been our Messiah' if he had broken immigration laws."


    http://thehill.com/homenews/administ...ul-if-he-broke
    Quote Originally Posted by Ptah View Post
    No history, no exposition, no anecdote or argument changes the invariant: we are all human beings, and some humans are idiots.

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    Meae Musae Servus Hephaestus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Roger Mexico View Post
    "President Trump’s spiritual adviser Paula White said this week that Jesus would have been sinful and 'would not have been our Messiah' if he had broken immigration laws."


    http://thehill.com/homenews/administ...ul-if-he-broke
    Everything in that article is fucking insane. Historians are going to look back on this era, and see all this shit and just say "FUCK! I can't tell what really happened. It's all fucking impossible!" And they will never again be able to work in the field, not because of stigma, but because their ability to be credulous has been stolen from them.
    Most of time, when people ask why something terrible happened, they don't realize they are looking for someone to blame.

    --Meditations on Uncertainty Vol ξ(x)

  9. #1299
    Now we know... Asteroids Champion ACow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Roger Mexico View Post
    "President Trump’s spiritual adviser Paula White said this week that Jesus would have been sinful and 'would not have been our Messiah' if he had broken immigration laws."
    Paula White, a Florida-based televangelist
    White is known for embracing the prosperity gospel
    There are no sufficient words.

  10. #1300

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