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Thread: News articles that should be in the Onion

  1. #1281
    Senior Member jyng1's Avatar
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    There's no such thing as satire anymore. Trump has ruined it.

  2. #1282
    Member Squishy's Avatar
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    Woman Is Getting Fat On Purpose So That She Doesn’t Have To Move

    "Monica, who is 27-years-old, hopes to reach a whopping 1,000 pounds, so that she can be crowned as the world’s fattest woman, Metro News reports. While most men would discourage the woman they love from putting their life at risk, Sid, a warehouse worker, has decided to take on the role as Monica’s caregiver. He prepares meals for her every day, even using a funeral to feed her special weight-gain shakes made from blended Pop Tarts when she's too exhausted to chew."

    I think they mean "funnel", but jesus. I hope this isn't real.

  3. #1283
    Minister of Love Roger Mexico's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Squishy View Post
    Woman Is Getting Fat On Purpose So That She Doesn’t Have To Move

    "Monica, who is 27-years-old, hopes to reach a whopping 1,000 pounds, so that she can be crowned as the world’s fattest woman, Metro News reports. While most men would discourage the woman they love from putting their life at risk, Sid, a warehouse worker, has decided to take on the role as Monica’s caregiver. He prepares meals for her every day, even using a funeral to feed her special weight-gain shakes made from blended Pop Tarts when she's too exhausted to chew."

    I think they mean "funnel", but jesus. I hope this isn't real.

    Well, maybe it will come in handy if he knows how to operate a forklift.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ptah View Post
    No history, no exposition, no anecdote or argument changes the invariant: we are all human beings, and some humans are idiots.

  4. #1284

  5. #1285
    Minister of Love Roger Mexico's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ptah View Post
    No history, no exposition, no anecdote or argument changes the invariant: we are all human beings, and some humans are idiots.

  6. #1286

  7. #1287

  8. #1288
    WOKE Catoptric's Avatar
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    (Ari Nagel) Israel tries to ban the Sperminator from having any more kids

    He ended up getting sued for child support, and was banned from Israel for the same reason, he had no intention of actually 'Fathering' a child. The most egregious thing is that he wore a 'Best Dad in the World' T-shirt.

    If he thought nothing wrong of allowing single (or not; they might even be in a relation that isn't conducive to natural impregnation) or impoverished people that couldn't afford alternative routes of insemination, then he seems to have realized this hadn't quite worked out as the charitable donor he intended to be.

  9. #1289

  10. #1290
    Minister of Love Roger Mexico's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ptah View Post
    No history, no exposition, no anecdote or argument changes the invariant: we are all human beings, and some humans are idiots.

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