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Thread: News articles that should be in the Onion

  1. #1271
    Faster. Than. Ever. Sloth's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hephaestus View Post
    You know what's even neater? That octopus might weigh more than the toilet, but you could almost certainly flush it.
    Even though this is ultimately a good thing, it's kinda nightmare sounding.

    The more I think about it, the more I realize there isn't much that would be any significantly less weird to compare panties to that would also give a sense of the scale of that weight.

    I think it has a lot to do with 90 pounds of panties just not being easy to picture unless you work in the garment industry or something. So where do you begin?

    Obviously a calf and a toilet.

  2. #1272
    Meae Musae Servus Hephaestus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sloth View Post
    Even though this is ultimately a good thing, it's kinda nightmare sounding.

    The more I think about it, the more I realize there isn't much that would be any significantly less weird to compare panties to that would also give a sense of the scale of that weight.

    I think it has a lot to do with 90 pounds of panties just not being easy to picture unless you work in the garment industry or something. So where do you begin?

    Obviously a calf and a toilet.
    First, I have a new favorite. I'm so glad I went back to that site that give approximate equal weights for things. Page 2:

    Quote Originally Posted by Werner Herzog
    90lbs is about one fifth as heavy as the heart of a blue whale.


    We should do something to cheer them up.

    Also, at the end of page two: about eight times as heavy as a gallon of paint.

    See? That's completely understandable. It's also a bit goofy because in their details they say a gallon of paint weighs about 10 pounds... so... "about" is getting even fuzzier.
    Most of time, when people ask why something terrible happened, they don't realize they are looking for someone to blame.

    --Meditations on Uncertainty Vol ξ(x)

  3. #1273
    Senior Member Sinny's Avatar
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    Those who begin coercive elimination of dissent soon find themselves exterminating dissenters. Compulsory unification of opinion achieves only the unanimity of the graveyard.

    ~ Robert Jackson, Statesman (1892-1954)


  4. #1274
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    Man says he was ‘tricked’ into buying diet ice cream

    A Queens man with a discriminating sweet tooth is suing a low-calorie ice cream maker, claiming he sampled it thinking it was the real deal because of its misleading packaging.

    Josh Berger bought a pint of diet brand Halo Top in 2017, under the impression that it was regular ice cream because of its “false, deceptive, and misleading” labeling, he charges in a suit filed against the parent company, Eden Creamery, in Brooklyn federal court Thursday.
    I'd have wondered if this was @BarIII if it had said Brooklyn man instead of Queens.

  5. #1275
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  6. #1276
    WOKE Catoptric's Avatar
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  9. #1279
    I like big buts Sir Caveat's Avatar
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    Obama — Just Too Good for Us.

    As president, Obama always found us wanting. We were constantly disappointing him. He would tell us the right thing to do and then sigh and purse his lips when his instructions were not followed. . . .

    So really, he’s not acknowledging any flaws but simply wondering if we were even more benighted than he thought. He’s saying that, sadly, we were not enlightened enough for the momentous changes wrought by the smartest people in the world — or even evolved enough for the first African-American president.

    “Sometimes I wonder whether I was 10 or 20 years too early,” Obama mused to aides.

    We just weren’t ready for his amazing awesomeness.
    You hide behind caveats and modifiers. - Lurker

  10. #1280
    Hasta Siempre Madrigal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hephaestus View Post
    Heh. We've been here years now.

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