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Thread: Do You Hurt Like I Hurt (A Thread About Slapping and What Constitutes Abuse)

  1. #1
    Zombie Jesus Bloody School Daze's Avatar
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    Do You Hurt Like I Hurt (A Thread About Slapping and What Constitutes Abuse)

    So, it's been accepted for a long time now that hitting someone close to you in any circumstances should be considered unacceptable, and I for some time didn't think too much of this. But recently, that whole mentality has led up to arguments to the effect of:

    "JOKE XYZ PROMOTES ABUSE OF WOMEN BECAUSE A WOMAN GETS SLAPPED".

    Now, I'm aware that symbolically speaking, you don't necessarily need to have the actual thing to "support" it, in the brain, but when I was arguing this with someone, I brought up as a tangent that the slap itself wasn't really what domestic violence is.

    That provoked some harshness. Not a shitstorm, surprisingly, but harshness. "Anything less than zero tolerance for slaps is promoting archaic morals.", would be the translation of what was said.

    And then the discussion got off track. And that's kind of why I'm posting this. I personally think that if you hit someone on occasion, when they're doing things that would be considered unacceptable to the vast majority of us, their position relative to you doesn't matter. Your wife can be an asshole to you just like that guy that you think is a creeper or a douche.

    To be clear here, I'm not condoning everything that falls under the umbrella of abuse--if you injure someone close, that's wrong. If you hit them all the time over anything, that's wrong. That shouldn't even be part of this discussion as far as I'm concerned, even though on many forums someone would bring it up.
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    Senior Member Lurker's Avatar
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    I think I agree with you.

    We are all human; we all snap occasionally. Having said that, I think that a slap is sort of an yellow-to-orange alert; you just can't process the slap out of context. First date? LTR destroyed by an affair? I understand, honestly.

    I think one isolated incident does not a pattern make. Hopefully, we have the wisdom to detect an ongoing pattern of events linked by a common thread. Some people see one slap as an indication of things to come. Again, considering context, I would probably lean this direction myself because I am risk averse at this point in my life.

    I want to add that an accusation of rape does not = guilt. Media outlets gobble this stuff up, and sites like Huffington Post will reliably side with the perceived underdog or victim. I know, yellow journalism. But, still, acknowledging that women have had and continue to have disadvantages due to their gender does not necessitate demonizing any opposing figure. Glorified gossip on liberal sites is no better than the hate speech Fox News and ilk spew. When ubiquitous, respected news sites are practically frozen in position, exhibiting more programmed instinct than thoughtful commentary, naive readers are just dupes. A surprising number of people believe what the news tells them. Given this mind-blowing information, I think it's time to step back, think, and breathe.

    Declaring a victim implies there's a bad guy.....so, the liberal media is just as responsible for hate mongering as any other group. They created a conflict -- sometimes with good reason, sometimes not.

    And don't forget: Trump rode CNN to the top! Thanks, CNN.


  3. #3
    Hasta Siempre Madrigal's Avatar
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    If a guy slapped me I would not see it as an isolated incident but as an indication of an abusive personality. However, by the time they slap you they've usually already been abusive in a thousand other ways through indirect forms of violence.

    I say that although I have had outbursts of "indirect violence" such as throwing things around, not at anyone but just across the room, or banging objects. The Cuban I was recently with seemed convinced that I had it in me to physically attack him. Maybe it was because of the time I started throwing condom packs across the room in a fit of rage (it's not like I was hurling dishes and it's impossible to break anything that way) but I think it was especially because of the way I talked to him when I was mad. I don't actually shout but I guess my tone becomes very authoritarian, and I think Central American men find that shocking. He had no reason to be afraid of me but he was probably disturbed that I was not afraid either.

    I guess if a man threw things around or spoke to me in that way, I might think he'd raise his hand at me too. But it's inconceivable to me to physically attack a man that is not attacking me. I would never start something I can't or won't finish.
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    Bringer of Jollity MoneyJungle's Avatar
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    I'm not concerned about some slapping here or there between slappy adults but I'm not slappy and if you slap me in anger we couldn't have intimacy because you'd have me at a disadvantage.

    Glimpses do ye seem to see of that mortally intolerable truth; that all deep, earnest thinking is but the intrepid effort of the soul to keep the open independence of her sea; while the wildest winds of heaven and earth conspire to cast her on the treacherous, slavish shore?

  5. #5
    If any slap or a punch is considered domestic violence, I'm in trouble. I mean, I slap and punch my wife and daughter all of the time, and visa versa. It's just how we roll. it's the way we have fun rather than an anger thing. Think more 3 stooges and less Hallmark/Lifetime channel.

    But.. there are some things that carry over from the fun to the anger. For example, If I were to dump a glass of ice water over my daughters head, she might (in anger) turn around and punch me in the shoulder... or visa versa, which then might turn into an exchange of shoulder punches, frogs, indian burns, etc... until we either get bored or one of us calls uncle. Of course, we all know what each of us can take or can't take. For example, my daughters punch thresh-hold is far higher than my wife's, so punches are adjusted accordingly. My threshold is probably higher than they can dish out, so they don't need to worry with it, but of course nobody punches anyone in sensitive and/or damageable areas either. You know, the law of horseplay.

    Edit: All that does have a side effect though. For our family, seeing someone get all dramatic upon being pinched/punched in the shoulder, get a nat in their eye, stump their toe, get a paper cut, etc... is kind of like watching an Alien creature for us. It just looks foreign and ridiculous. We tend to laugh our asses off when these things happen to each other, so when out in the real population we have to pretend to be human and act like we don't find everyone's minor pains hilarious when they happen.
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    Dr.Awkward Robcore's Avatar
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    It is all just less complicated if you put the threshold at slap vs. no slap rather than at 'acceptable slap' vs 'unacceptable slap'.

    That said, many of us have possibly raised a hand at others within a context that most would forgive us for...but the fact that we can be forgiven for it within a certain context shouldn't be considered license. It's just better to not do it...always.
    ...the origin of emotional sickness lay in people’s belief that they were their personalities...
    "The pendulum of the mind alternates between sense and nonsense, not between right and wrong." ~Carl Jung

  7. #7
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    I've never hit anyone in an context (well except for kinky ones), and imo doing so outside of obvious situations indicates there's something wrong with you.
    "Doesn't matter what a man has if he doesn't have purpose. You take that away from him, man usually goes with it." -Beau

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    chaotic neutral jigglypuff's Avatar
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    i wouldn't tolerate any kind of hitting or slapping in an intimate relationship* and would consider that abuse.

    i've only hit and slapped in self defense or "playfully" but never with somebody physically smaller and weaker than me. i don't enjoy being "playfully" hit or slapped by anybody who's bigger and stronger than me.

    expressing anger or frustration in physical aggression is just a red flag for me in general.

    just don't turn into an idiot incapable of using words and having logical arguments when you have something to say, and we're good.









    * the one exception i can think of is ass slapping during sex when the mood is right, lol
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  9. #9
    Senior Member Lurker's Avatar
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    @Vortex

    Did you leave this thread to me in your will?

    Get back here! This thing was a partial, sorta shock-dare thread. A "What if...." Or, "What would it take..."

    We just wanted to see forum passion.

    *cough* @Vortex

    I mean, this is like inheriting your grandfather's "Confederate Heritage" stash. Oh, white elephant?
    Last edited by Lurker; 09-19-2016 at 05:15 AM.


  10. #10
    Member Mxx's Avatar
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    I have almost zero tolerance for people who can't control their anger with those close to them. I accept anger as an emotion that others experience, but I limit my exposure to humans who are able to channel anger through humour, exercise, sex or other forms of release.

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