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Thread: Original jokes

  1. #21
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    Last edited by nerby; 03-25-2017 at 12:56 PM.

  2. #22
    Senior Member BarIII's Avatar
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    Those jokes are as original as a terra-cotta mouse pad in a flowerpot factory.
    I will accept no further friend requests. This doesn't mean I don't love you or anything so don't be offended.

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  3. #23
    Senior Member BarIII's Avatar
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    I will accept no further friend requests. This doesn't mean I don't love you or anything so don't be offended.

    "You look late twenties" - LordLatch

  4. #24
    Senior Member BarIII's Avatar
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    Person 1: What are you doing?
    Person 2: I'm making a sandwich
    Person 1: What kind of sandwich?
    Person 2: Meat and vegetables and stuff
    Person 1: Oh.
    Person 2: I'm going
    Person 1: Where?
    Person 2: I'm going to the mayo clinic because I need mayonnaise

    I like this joke because you can make the dialogue anything you want as long as you include the last three lines.
    I will accept no further friend requests. This doesn't mean I don't love you or anything so don't be offended.

    "You look late twenties" - LordLatch

  5. #25
    Senior Member BarIII's Avatar
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    Paul Shaffer tried to open a watch store but the FTC wouldn't approve his bands.
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    "You look late twenties" - LordLatch

  6. #26
    I like big buts Sir Caveat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BarIII View Post
    Paul Shaffer tried to open a watch store but the FTC wouldn't approve his bands.
    They probably didn't appreciate that he was making faces.

  7. #27
    facta non verba interprétation erronée's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starjots View Post
    A headhunter comes home after work and his wife asks him how his day went. He sighs heavily and slumps into his favorite recliner and says 'It's so hard to get a head these days.'
    One day while riding on the bus in Santa Monica, California, I saw a man with a little head, which caught me off guard. As the bus bounced in and out of pot holes and leaned around corners, his tiny head would bobble uncontrollably. I felt for the guy and wanted to make a connection, maybe learn something. So I moved up a seat and introduced myself. "Hi my name is, John... what's yours?". He spoke with a high pitch inner city accent, "I'm Edward, but ewerybody call me lil Eddy... *sigh*". Against my better judgement, I asked Edward about the paltry size of his head. We exit the bus at the next stop and without hesitation he launches into his story.

    "Oh no prob'm us bruvvas gosta stick'tuh'geva... Ya see, what had happen wuh one day I was walkin' on the beeeach, booired and lonely, just kickin' my feets through the warm sand... and I stubs it on somem hard... so I picks it up... and huh, would you believe it?-low 'n behold it was a genie lamp. So I walks underneath the pier, rubbin' my new lamp like in the movies, and out pops a genie! Kablaow! "Man c'mone", I said... f'real this genie wadn't no orinary type'a genie. Uh uh. She was wasp-wasted, plump-bottomed, a thick Persian specimen with constellation-hazel eyes, fruffy eyelashes, long flowing sunrise-golden locks plungin' ova' some bouncy trippa-dees, and dem legs though, woo wee, ya dig?... she was phet!-my brotha. Yes indeedy. *Sniff* So's I come correct strokin' my beard an lickin' my lips like'a playa do and what not...

    Then she says, "Tank you soo very much for releasing me frawm dat musty metal prison, I'm soo happy... just for yur act of kindness I will grant'chew three wishes.". "Huh bouta make me suh wishes then", I thought *vigorously rubs hands*. I announced for my first wish, "I want 250 million dollaz... cash-money-in-a-duffle-bag ri'now holla! *Denzel point and gesture*" Buhgaow! And there was my money duffled in crispy stacks. "Okay Genie-lady, alright alright, I see you. Now I needs somewhere to put this here money so I c' hannel'muh bih'ness. For my next wish I wants a fast car." Blakaow! Man that genie was so fast lemme tell you somem, and I was ballin' stupid, shoo' *does neanderthal pimp walk with hands folded backward*."

    Edward slaps a tiny box then lights up a Kool menthol cigarette, "'Scuse my mannas young buck, you wanna taylor? No?! Okay so anyway...", then he continues.

    "Before I made my final wish I noticed her eyes again. My gaze traveled souf and I see some'a'duh'mos' sugary sweet glossy lips and a pearly-white smile. "Mmh", I wanted to slap myself. So I take my shirt off, set the mood ya know, so she know what I'm workin' wif, sixpack abs -shoutout to Mike Chang- chest on swoll'. Lean it in real close to my new Genie friend. By now I can smell the intoxiatin' scent a coco butter on her skin... I'm grabbin' the front'a my jeans jus' waitin' to kiss her... when she looks down at my crotch and grins. Then I say "Uhuhaha okay okay baby, how 'bout a lil head?" Poof!

    That was it. She took one look, kissed her hand, turned and slapped her bikini thong and disappeared. An' that my friend how I gotta little head."



    Tl:dr

    Predictable turn of phrase punchline.
    Last edited by interprétation erronée; 03-26-2017 at 07:39 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Limes View Post
    Jan Bonclay
    “If you're not careful, the newspapers will have you hating the people who are being oppressed, and loving the people who are doing the oppressing.” ― Malcolm X

  8. #28
    Senior Member Starjots's Avatar
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    A headhunter comes home after work and ask his wife to bring him his favorite jewel-encrusted shrunken head. She sighs heavily and slumps into her favorite recliner and says 'The dog ate it.' 'It's okay dear, at least we have a diamond in the ruff.'

  9. #29
    Senior Member Guess Who's Avatar
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    가: 올해 너무 좋을 거야.
    나: 왜?
    가: 작년은 병신년이고 내년은 십팔년일 거라서.

    Spoiler: Explanation
    The joke hinges on the double meaning of two words, 병신년 and 십팔년.

    The translation with the first meaning is:

    A: This year will be a great year.
    B: Why?
    A: Last year was Year of the Monkey and next year will be 2018.

    The translation with the second meaning is:

    A: This year will be a great year.
    B: Why?
    A: Last year was retarded and next year will be a bitch.
    Last edited by Guess Who; 03-27-2017 at 06:14 PM.
    The truth will set you free

  10. #30
    Senior Member BarIII's Avatar
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    This guy is making love to his girl and the medallion on his necklace keeps getting caught in her nose.
    I will accept no further friend requests. This doesn't mean I don't love you or anything so don't be offended.

    "You look late twenties" - LordLatch

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