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Thread: Mismatched Couples

  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sappho View Post
    I confess that when I see a good-looking guy with a less attractive woman, I unconsciously scan her physical appearance for features that may have drawn him to her at some point. Unfortunately it happens to a lot of couples – sometime between forty and forty-five, tides turn and once equal or even slightly less handsome husbands tend to start looking a lot better than their wives by proxy.

    Biology is unfair.
    i wouldn't feel bad if my SO started looking significantly better than me at around that age, i'd feel lucky. i'm convinced though, from looking at the women in my family, that my beauty will keep growing for another few decades at least. i think i'll be hot from 35 - 45.

    this sounds humblebraggy but i don't care. i know lots of hot older women.
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  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sloth View Post
    For the record, I don't care, I just notice. Depending on how bored I am (and how I've come to meet this couple) I may or may not put thought into it. The reason I might not be able to think of couples that I actually know that don't "match" could be because I put it out of my mind.

    The spirit of that post was referring to strangers that I see around. Anyone who knows you personally and is questioning why you don't match is just a jerk imo.
    I guess I'll respond here since there's a thread for this now.

    I'm probably just sensitive to it after being questioned about it on several occasions that now whenever the topic comes up I just feel awkward and defensive. Even if the topic is "Why do you think she's with him? She's so much more attractive." I still feel awkward. When people point these things out and start speculating a lot of times I haven't even noticed that there is a mismatch. I'll sort of see it once they point it out.

    I'll admit that I have noticed drastic age differences (usually much older man) and clothing differences (usually woman much better dressed) and wondered if the girl has daddy issues or if the guy is rich. Or I'll see men with completely plastic looking women because of all the makeup and maybe surgery and wonder what they see in these women because they don't even look real anymore. This is also with strangers - not people I know.

  3. #13
    Hasta Siempre Madrigal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sappho View Post
    Good point!

    I confess that when I see a good-looking guy with a less attractive woman, I unconsciously scan her physical appearance for features that may have drawn him to her at some point. Unfortunately it happens to a lot of couples – sometime between forty and forty-five, tides turn and once equal or even slightly less handsome husbands tend to start looking a lot better than their wives by proxy.

    Biology is unfair.
    I think the first big change for both men and women happens in the transition to the 30s. If you're a voluptuous woman or built man at 20 you're probably going to be big in your thirties when your metabolism has long ago slowed down. People who are more on the scrawny side in their early 20s tend to look better in their 30s than they did when they were younger.
    Quote Originally Posted by Hephaestus View Post
    Heh. We've been here years now.

  4. #14
    singularity precursor Limes's Avatar
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    Always interesting to see this disparity with couples on vacation.

    For example, anecdotally, subjectively etc. In Greece, there seems to be an overwhelming amount of bloated middle aged Russian men with skinny, attractive Russian girls. (Gangster types?) I immediately assume it's money when I see some hairy beach ball with a waif.

    Then in Florida, especially at places like Orlando theme parks, you see the Brit crowd and there seems to be a fair few British guys, who I'm told are reasonably attractive being rode and harangued by roly-poly bat faced British women. You can usually spot them from their clothes before you can hear them, the skinny cargos and shorts and weird looking footwear, I can spot British tourists a mile off.
    Last edited by Limes; 12-01-2016 at 06:50 PM.

  5. #15
    No Thank You Blorg's Avatar
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    I guess I'm naive because I just assume that the more attractive partner loves the other for reasons other than their appearance, or that they love them because of their appearance even if they aren't attractive from my view. (This is naivety plus optimism because I often considered myself unattractive by all standards, lol.)

    This changes when I observe lesbian relationships...for some reason, when I see a notably polarized butch/feminine pair, my gut assumption is that one of them isn't really gay, so they're overgaying to compensate. I know this is a false assumption, just a gut reaction thing that's been hard to overcome.

    In my last relationship, my partner was far more attractive...she was also very wealthy and funny and brilliant (also a depressed INTP, though, which cancelled out her ability to use any of these qualities to improve her happiness). I felt terribly insecure the whole time, felt that our relationship was based on pretenses. I think she just saw me as someone who would listen to her without resorting platitudes or apathy - we would have been better suited as friends, but there was too much chemistry and she couldn't manage to keep in touch with friends, anyway.

  6. #16
    Senior Member Senseye's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sloth View Post
    Anyway, both these scenarios remind me of something I learned in an undergrad class called sociology of human sexuality: studies show that people really do tend to go after and end up with people close to the same range of good lookingness (within what the context what of their society says is good looking) as themselves.
    I've read this in several psychology books as well and I generally believe it to be the case. I think I have read that women place more emphasis on wealth and status than men probably due to evolutionary reasons (the whole alpha male rigamarole). With men it's pretty much all about sex appeal (again, probably an evolutionary youth/fertility thing).

    These evolutionary conditioners don't matter so much in modern society, but they are still lurking in our subconscious and guiding our actions.

    Of course, there are exceptions to the rule. If I get to know a "mismatched" couple I generally try and find out how they met. Usually, it is a case where they were thrown together (through work or something) and then it was a personality appeal thing (which is certainly possible). It's just that most people often won't try and get to know anyone outside their relative "level" in a dating situation. So potential relationships are kind of scuttled from the get go.

  7. #17
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    My partner is quite a bit younger than me and, IMO, way more attractive. My hair has gotten significantly greyer in recent years, too, emphasizing the difference.

    People have gotten weird about it and I can sense they're staring sometimes or just trying to figure out what we are, but I don't care. I'm sure when we're out together, it looks slightly anomalous and I like to stare at slightly anomalous shit myself, so I roll with it.

    But even the people who got weird don't matter because it was turd-humans like her uncle from rustbelt nowhere; he was tuned up on synthetic marijuana and bumwine and decided to interrogate me at Thanksgiving dinner two years ago about my relationship status. I had been drinking myself and it got serious. Fortunately, some kid shit himself (apparently he guzzled like half a pitcher of hollandaise sauce at a previous dinner 2 hours earlier) and it provided enough of a distraction that uncle bumwine began to sort himself and realize it wasn't a topic worth pressing.

    That's been about the worst that happened. 99% of the time people are cool as fuck and we're always the same towards others. They realize we're just like anyone else / couple. She's just a lot younger and hotter than me. :P

    EDIT: oh, and as far as why we're together - we just like each other. It's not more complicated than that and looks never really came up much.

  8. #18
    Meae Musae Servus Hephaestus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Madrigal View Post
    I think the first big change for both men and women happens in the transition to the 30s. If you're a voluptuous woman or built man at 20 you're probably going to be big in your thirties when your metabolism has long ago slowed down. People who are more on the scrawny side in their early 20s tend to look better in their 30s than they did when they were younger.
    My appetite has finally reduced to where my metabolism is. It hasn't been entirely pleasant, but I can't knock the gradual weight loss.
    Most of time, when people ask why something terrible happened, they don't realize they are looking for someone to blame.

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  9. #19
    Hasta Siempre Madrigal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hephaestus View Post
    My appetite has finally reduced to where my metabolism is. It hasn't been entirely pleasant, but I can't knock the gradual weight loss.
    Going in the opposite direction is rare but I've seen that too. Congrats, that must be hard.

    At the end of my longest relationship I put on 30 pounds almost all in one year and lost it in 90 days (after breaking up). Basically it went like this: "Oh look! It's Spring! I'm gonna put on last year's jeans! Wait a minute, how come I can't pull them up over my thighs, these things must have shrunk... Oh nooo..." I think I fired my boyfriend immediately after I tried to put those jeans on and then went on a drastic weight-loss program.

    I fucking hate dieting.
    Quote Originally Posted by Hephaestus View Post
    Heh. We've been here years now.

  10. #20
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    Mismatched couples were a lot more common in Raleigh than in LA. I think people are just less shallow there. There's often mismatch between couples who paired up really early in life. I imagine a lot of times one of the partners was a big fish in a small pond and was thus able to date above his or her weight and locked that shit down before the other partner realized they could do better. I also meet a lot of male engineers who may have potential to be really good looking but that potential only gets realized over the course of many years as their SOs slowly make them over. One woman I worked with was very attractive and her husband was basically napoleon dynamite but with a really good personality. They met in high school, he was very supportive of her career and followed her around for years until she hired into my company and they settled down in Raleigh. They just had a kid. I think most of the time though there is some difference in social status--the more attractive partner levels up socially or even culturally by associating with the less attractive partner. It doesn't always have to be about money, it can be fame, influence, exoticism, whatever. They just see the less attractive partner as an Alpha of some sort.

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