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Thread: Mismatched Couples

  1. #21
    Hasta Siempre Madrigal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by starla View Post
    It doesn't always have to be about money, it can be fame, influence, exoticism, whatever. They just see the less attractive partner as an Alpha of some sort.
    Exotism - this happens all the time with tourists. They get with someone they met on vacation who is unattractive by the cultural standards of that country but the tourist thinks they've just won the lottery, confounding the locals.
    Quote Originally Posted by Hephaestus View Post
    Heh. We've been here years now.

  2. #22
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    i just found this subreddit called r/EqualAttraction not on purpose or anything, but very interesting... thought about this thread.
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  3. #23
    Homo siderius Sistamatic's Avatar
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    I think my husband and I are matched, looks-wise. He's only 3 years younger than I am, and we both work out enough to be in really good shape, as in we can run for miles, do a hundred situps, and a bunch of pushups and we both can take the stairs in a high rise if we so desire without being sore the next day. Problem is that we both eat enough that we could each stand to lose ten pounds in order to reveal our inner athlete.

    He's got probably the nicest ass I've ever seen on a guy.

    Our mismatch comes in height. I'm not just taller, I'm long-limbed for my height which can make me appear taller than I am, and he's stocky with huge shoulders, which can make him appear shorter than he is. I never cease to be amazed at how big a deal our height mismatch is to other people.

    Women often allude that I'm making some sort of heroic sacrifice to be with a guy shorter than me, and sometimes short guys see my husband as some sort of champion for the cause, but I don't understand what the big deal is. I've been told many women need to feel as if their boyfriend is their big protective hero or something...one woman described at length to me how having a very tall man wrap his arms around her while her head is buried in his chest is the ultimate thing in a relationship...she says it's a deal breaker if the man isn't significantly taller than her because she can't get that feeling from a short guy, or even one who is of the same height.

    I'm more of the hero type than the damsel type, so maybe that's why it doesn't bother me. I envision myself fighting back to back with my husband and each of us holding our own when the zombie horde arrives.

    I've mentioned before that we've made a game of people's cognitive dissonance with our height difference. I'm 6'4 with 6 inch heels, and he's 5'6...5'7 with dress shoes. I'm going to be taller than him even in flats, so I may as well go for broke. When we have to play dress up for his work, we drink with every mention of height.
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  4. #24
    non-canonical Light Leak's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sistamatic View Post
    Women often allude that I'm making some sort of heroic sacrifice to be with a guy shorter than me
    I get this too even though my husband is actually slightly taller than me. If I wear any sort of heel I'm taller than him. If I tell other women this they usually ask why I just don't wear flats all the time, but that just seems ridiculous to me and I don't care. I do wear flats most of the time though because they're comfy. Not because I'm concerned about looking taller than my husband.

    I also get mistaken for my my husband's daughter fairly frequently which I also find ridiculous. He does have gray hair and a receding hairline but I don't think he looks that old or that I look that young. I'm actually older than him, but only by a matter of months. I could see people thinking that he was maybe 10 yrs. older than me, but daughter? Seriously?

  5. #25
    Pan_Sonic_000
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    I also think it's easier to offset imbalances when you're a guy. Starla was kinda talking about that above.

    I mean, my SO has a more attractive face than me. But I'm also 6'3", full head of hair (salt and pepper though it may be) and a classic ectomorph who's lifted weights -- ergo, I'm tall, lean and muscular. Not having the personality of a shrinking violet helps a lot, too, as does preferring to be dominant in bed.

    So I'm +1 in a few vital areas that collectively stack up in a way that give me a nice advantage.

    I'm not sure what the equivalent offsets are if you're female.

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dot View Post
    I guess I'm naive because I just assume that the more attractive partner loves the other for reasons other than their appearance, or that they love them because of their appearance even if they aren't attractive from my view. (This is naivety plus optimism because I often considered myself unattractive by all standards, lol.)
    it's not naive. not everybody is attracted to the same sorts of people. i think my SO is better looking than me but what matters to me is that he thinks i'm attractive, and i can tell he thinks so genuinely, plus i think i'm attractive so we're both biased in the same direction and that's all that matters.

    & i really don't care if other people don't think he's attractive. i care that he doesn't have a distorted self-image, though. like when we started dating i really liked that he actually said thank you, knowingly, when i complimented him on his appearance, like he knows he's attractive. that's kinda rare.
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  7. #27
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    I've been on both sides of this. When I graduated college, I was dating a girl who was fairly attractive. I left the country for an internship for 3 months, and when I came back, she had gained a lot of weight. It felt awkward to be in public with her suddenly. I imagined people thinking that I must be with her just because I couldn't get anyone better. Fairly terrible I know, chalk it up to insecurity and low self-esteem I guess. It didn't work out, though not for that reason.

    I'm now in an extremely well matched relationship. We're both taller than average and slightly awkward. Similar levels of attractiveness and (more importantly, to me) fitness. Similar interests in things. Similar levels of socializing with other friends. Similar incomes and career growth potential. Similar goals for the future. Similar sex drives. It's way better. I feel like I got pretty lucky meeting her.

  8. #28
    Senior Member Sinny's Avatar
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    I don't see that many mismatched couples as it happens..

    But when I do, I often see good looking women with less good looking men.

    One of my best friends has been with her partner for ten years now, and I've never been able to grasp what she sees in him.. she's pretty good looking and somewhat ambitious.. he's not good-looking at all, a bit stupid, less ambitious and drinks a lot of booze. We get on well enough, he's proved to be loyal at least, so I'm not going to hate on him, but still - I don't know why she chose him of all people.

    I've knew another couple in their 40's that seemed like an odd match to me. He's quite handsome, and the sort of bloke who will get the attention of ladies at the bar... Meanwhile, she's so overweight and unhealthy her skin has a greyish pallour and she constantly looked like she needed a wash.. but it turned out they were high school sweet hearts and they started a family young.

    After the best part of two decades together, they finally went their seperate ways. He wanted to sow those seeds with the better looking women he'd turned down over the years and now she's on a mission to reinvent herself. Her weight loss and fitness are going at a steady pace.

    I personally couldn't date a guy shorter than me.
    My personality is imposing enough, I don't want to be physically imposing too.. plus, I admire a strong & tall male physique... Mmm, men.
    Last edited by Sinny; 04-06-2018 at 11:16 PM.
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  9. #29
    creator kari's Avatar
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    I can't remember the last time I saw a couple that was mismatched. I generally think everyone looks on the same level of attractiveness, like 90% of people live in that mediocre mass in the bell curve. Really ugly and really attractive people are just rare outliers. Maybe I'm not apperceptive about these kinds of things.

    As for my partner & I, I can't really say if we match. He perpetually sports a greasy mullet and a paedophile moustache. Maybe just on the grounds of probability, I'm in some way a walking faux pas too...
    Last edited by kari; 04-07-2018 at 09:08 AM.
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  10. #30
    creator kari's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jigglypuff View Post
    i care that he doesn't have a distorted self-image, though. like when we started dating i really liked that he actually said thank you, knowingly, when i complimented him on his appearance, like he knows he's attractive. that's kinda rare.
    This is small but important imo. A simple "thank you" is both confident and affirmatory. Denying a compliment is kind of like... "not only do I have low self esteem but I reject and question your estimations of me too".
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