... you understand the difference between "shy" and "introverted"; shy people don't want to be there (and/or fear it), introverts don't mind/fear being there, they just want to be left to observe or engage in smaller groups, if not 1:1;
... you know the difference between if and when you are feeling shy, and when you'd just rather not be involved/engaged; feeling awkward and is not the same as feeling a lack of confidence (ala fear)
... you get that "ugn, do not want" feeling somewhere deep inside when someone tries to engage you in idle banter, small talk, polite but trivial chatter
... generally, you can feel some social chitchat as almost something to defend your independence and autonomy against; these people, trying to pull me into their banter...
... and yet, every so often, when you want to initiate some kind of conversation, you a) find yourself frustratingly considering the very same banal polite/smalltalk approach and/or b) just don't really know how
... there is 1:1, which is either ok or to be avoided entirely, and sometimes you can't really tell why or whether it goes one way or the other
... and then there's big groups (like parties) into which you can just disappear alright, no problem, although not necessarily preferred
... but then there's the group that's too small to hide in; the awkwardly cozy gathering during which you'll feel a pressure to say something, but there's too many people at once involved in the same conversation, and so you take a passive/reactive approach despite you occasional prompting to participate, while there is also this feeling of "I haven't said anything" accumulating into a stronger resistance to say anything as the conversation goes on.
... in such small group situations, when directly addressed, no problem although not necessarily ideal/desired
... also, in small groups you may feel yourself wanting to strike up a conversation with someone there in particular, to get to know them, etc, but you feel that the group conversation is both ongoing otherwise ... and would be rude to basically hijack into a two-way dialog between you and the one other person.
... which brings it full circle; you don't want your peace/space interrupted by smalltalk, but you are also keeny aware of interrupting that of others, despite your occasional prompting to speak up into it
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