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Thread: Letting people explain things to you

  1. #31
    tableau vivant MoneyJungle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stigmatica View Post



    I'm pretty good with this if the topic at hand is important and/or serious business. It's when it's pleasure and not one on one that I have a meltdown. Hell, my wife and daughter and me in one room sometimes feels like some kind of weird game of "get a word in edgewise before your memory stops functioning".

    But we're close. So when it's reached 1000 words to my 1 and I've now forgotten what I had to say, I just let them know... "HOLD THE PHONE!!!! Just wait.. I had something to say 10 minutes ago, but it's gone. Can I have a space to speak? Maybe? Oh.. nevermind. I don't even know what I have to say now and the context is long gone. Continue. I'll be in the corner reading the news if I'm needed."
    I don't know if people are telling me really personal things or I'm just so guarded that I'm staggered by what most people will tell acquaintances.

    I just got an image of you Ward Cleaver-ing behind a newspaper.

    Quote Originally Posted by Madrigal View Post
    Same. I talk to people like that on a rather frequent basis (when I talk to people) and in my own family. It has actually produced some bad conversation habits like interrupting, which I then transfer to other people who don't deserve interruption. :/ It's not the kind of "I already know that" interruption, it's more like, "If I don't interrupt you now, I'm going to forget, or we'll be on another topic by then".
    I think these kind of interruptions, when meted out judiciously, really add to conversations. It's probably a detriment to my conversations to be so interruption resistant. I love when people just have to tell me something before they forget. In my mind I go, ''if I forget, then it's not important.'' Of course, my memory is starting to slow down a bit and now I have nothing to add because I forget everything while waiting for people to finish. Half of the time, instead of thinking of the next thing to say I'm chastising myself for thinking of the next thing to say instead of being a better listener. Then I just ask a question in a my-dog-ate-my-homework kinda way.

    Glimpses do ye seem to see of that mortally intolerable truth; that all deep, earnest thinking is but the intrepid effort of the soul to keep the open independence of her sea; while the wildest winds of heaven and earth conspire to cast her on the treacherous, slavish shore?

  2. #32
    Member Mxx's Avatar
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    This quality is quickly becoming an excellent candidate for my red flag marker, when reasonable points are set aside (the person doesn't know me well enough to know that I have a good enough grasp of a subject matter).

    It tells me:
    a) What they know (or want me to think that they know)
    b) What they think I know (and what they want me to know)
    c) If they are completely underestimating me to the point of insult, or blatantly feeding a narrative that defies reality.

    It's a completely different story if I've asked them to explain or tell me something I do not know.

    Right now I'm quite comfortable dumping these people into the category of people I want nothing to do with. Anything I don't know, I'm quite capable of researching myself.

  3. #33
    Goon Roolz itch's Avatar
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    If it's annoying me, I shut it down. If it's only a bit annoying I tune out.

    If I think one is learning or benefiting from explaining something I already know, I will let one finish. If I can augment the explanation by echoing back something one might have left out of their own explanation then I will offer it.

    I have a friend who does this... to everyone all the time. I shut that one down aggressively.

    "Yuppppp. Yuuuuuuuuup yup yup yup YES I FUCKING KNOW."
    stupid pancakes.

  4. #34
    just dont think about it mhc's Avatar
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    I have a lot of experience in modelling and changing behaviour - if anyone wants help with this or anything else i am open to skypes or something
    Just look at the blue sky

  5. #35
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    I let people explain things to me that I already know. However, if they make a mistake in their explanation, I will correct them.

  6. #36
    tsuj a notelpmis QuickTwist's Avatar
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    I love it when people explain things to me.

    Listening is a very valuable skill that is mostly lost on the millenials.

    Never assume what someone is telling you, you already know. Listening pays off in spades. If you practice listening, you will learn a lot of shit.

    Think about it this way: If you were seeing a psychologist who was always interjecting when you were explaining things, would you think they actually know where you are coming from, or would you think they are the worst psychologist ever? There are a lot of soft skills in listening that take a long time to master. Not only will you learn a lot of information about the person you are talking to, but you will develop an amazing locus of control in the process because it takes a long time to learn how to listen to people rather than just wanting to make your own point.

    And the best part of listening is:

    When it's your turn to talk, people really listen to you. Just today, I was in therapy and someone who is also in that group therapy was telling me how much they respect my intelligence and wisdom. I have a slightly below IQ in reality, but I am really good at listening so I am also really good at talking. I can talk to my brother and my mother for like an hour straight and they just quietly listen most of the time. As an INTP, I have a lot of knowledge stored in my brain that is just looking for an excuse to share with people. If you are always aloof and disinterested in people, they don't listen to you! So you know that one thing that you know could solve someone's problem in like 10 sec and they never listen? That is because you are talking just to talk and not listening to share.

    #themoreyouknow
    But your individuality and your present need will be swept away by change,
    and what you now ardently desire will one day become the object of abhorrence.
    ~ Schiller - 'Psychological Types'

  7. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by rocky balbotox View Post
    I let people explain things to me that I already know. However, if they make a mistake in their explanation, I will correct them.
    That's my policy, too. With some professions, I generally feign ignorance because explaining the existence of my knowledge of the subject would be harder/more embarrassing to do than just pretending I don't know anything about it.

    Also, people like to think they know something others don't (especially when they pride themselves on their field of expertise), so sometimes it's more socially beneficial to make an appreciative face and say "Really? Incredible!" than to be honest and say "Yeah, I already know that".

    I've also lost quite a few dear acquaintances over the past couple of years by having being right in a factual argument; but not a single one by having been wrong. So these days, whenever somebody I generally like starts talking BS, I first evaluate what matters more: the social relationship or setting the record straight. In cases unrelated to music, it's generally the former.

  8. #38
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    I probably think it's a bit rude to let someone explain something to me if I already know it. I'm wasting their time and mine. I think it's better to let them know. Maybe we can move on to something more advanced. If their ego is hurt because other people know something they know, then that's an issue they should work out.

  9. #39
    just dont think about it mhc's Avatar
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    wow, this thread has reached a very interesting interjection while touching on aspects of social structures, and the title shows a very INTP way of viewing an important aspect of social hierarchy, and i implore all readers of this thread to at least contemplate this:

    INTP value knowledge and intelligence and as such anyone we deem lacking will have little to no authority. for example, lets look at the thread title:

    "LETTING PEOPLE" here the intp assumes that they are "letting" someone teach them something.

    Now consider this: from the person being "let", their assumption is, especially if you just "play along" is that they have told you something new(MADE YOU UNDERSTAND!), in essence assuming somewhat of a parent figure over you. im sure that I do not need to explain the HUGE downside to this, especially if you continue to "let" them do this.

    its interesting to note the belief that only two main choices exist, "pretend & play along" or reply with something like "i know that already".


    if human.interaction = new.understanding && previously.known(new.understanding) {

    if person=nice{ exclaim "you share the same knowledge as I!" } //help them understand that this new insight is their experience.
    if person=worker { state "thats right, now think about how that insight can help you with " interaction.context } //help them channel their insight constructively
    else { say "hey buddy, if your putting the kettle on make it white and one, cheers!" } //

    }
    Last edited by mhc; 03-23-2018 at 11:55 AM.
    Just look at the blue sky

  10. #40
    tsuj a notelpmis QuickTwist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mhc View Post
    INTP value knowledge and intelligence and as such anyone we deem lacking will have little to no authority.
    No, that is called arrogance which may or may not be an INTP trait depending on the INTP. I could just as easily argue that an INTP's thirst for knowledge means they are always on the lookout for some new morsel to digest.
    But your individuality and your present need will be swept away by change,
    and what you now ardently desire will one day become the object of abhorrence.
    ~ Schiller - 'Psychological Types'

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