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Thread: Compliments

  1. #21
    singularity precursor Limes's Avatar
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    Dec 2013
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    Quote Originally Posted by MoneyJungle View Post
    Everybody hit me up with compliment-ridden personal messages and I'll post the brass tacks in this thread.

  2. #22
    Sky Anvil Vison's Avatar
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    Apr 2014
    I tend to get the most comments on my skin, eyes, and kindness.

    The majority of the people complimenting my skin are poc talking about how pale I am, its the most common one I get for a physical feature these days, which... I dont know how to navigate so I just accept the compliment as gracefully as possible. I trust compliments on my eyes as being real, its not uncommon for people to stare, stop moving or blurt out something about them the first time we make eye contact. Its awkward for the other person so I try to pretend like I didnt notice them being weird.

    I get compliments on my kindness a lot, but only in private. Sometimes people comment on my intellience, the words are complimentary but the tone is accusatory, suspicious, incredulous, or overly congratulatory. Those people can go die. So can the people who call me "strong."

    I like compliments on physical things Ive obviously taken care and put effort into, creativity and for solved problems Im particularly proud of. I like being called funny but im out of practise cracking jokes. When people who really know me pay me a compliment I tend to believe them and those ones mean the most to me. Theyre also the only people who can call me intelligent or strong and I know its a real compliment.
    Oh fuck it, Its the 90's.

  3. #23
    Senior Member Guess Who's Avatar
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    Oct 2016
    Sydney, Australia
    I am bad/evil so I never get compliments.

    In all seriousness, I get compliments on the science worksheets I make from time to time and also my ability to explain things clearly.
    Last edited by Guess Who; 04-28-2017 at 07:43 PM.
    The truth will set you free

  4. #24
    eyeing you rabbit warrior kitsune's Avatar
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    Jan 2014
    a vast moor in the old world brimming with jackrabbits where three rivers decussate
    I get told often that I'm nice and that I'm enthusiastic. I have no idea why people believe or see either. Perhaps the second one, I understand. I get told I totally glow when I'm talking about a topic which excites/interests me and enthusiasm springs over and incites the listener. And then the enthusiasm gets attached to me and my personality, which I find confusing, especially since I'm so often depressed, which is the direct opposite of enthusiasm. When I get told I'm nice, I roll my eyes and just think this person obviously hasn't gotten to know me well enough. I might be nice right now, but I'm not always nice and if I'm not always nice then I can't have the label nice.

    Reading through the other posts, I remembered that I get complimented a lot on how well I speak German. I throw it off because I've lived here for almost 10 years. They insist on telling me how excellent my German is in only 10 years and I'm like dude after a decade you should have any language down pat and my German is far from being perfect. I still make lots of mistakes and often have to search for words.

    My current coach has pointed out to me several times that she notices I make myself small when she compliments me. So, I guess this is my default stance to compliments. Not sure why I do this. Maybe it has something to do with my mom acting like a jealous sibling, so I make myself small so she doesn't get jealous and I don't have to endure her wrath. Or maybe it's from a full childhood of others behaving jealous towards me as I was gifted and used to win all kinds of awards. Or maybe it's from being repeatedly abused by narcissistic partners: if I make myself small, there's no reason for them to cut me down and I can avoid some abuse. And now it's just a habit, because when normal people who have no reason or desire to hurt me compliment me, I still make myself small.

    I'm not really sure where the healthy boundary is between being humble and being confident.
    Last edited by kitsune; 04-28-2017 at 11:43 PM.

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  5. #25
    <3 gator's Avatar
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    Dec 2013
    I'm getting better at dishing out and taking compliments, but it's taken a lot of unlearning bad thought patterns.

    Quote Originally Posted by jigglypuff View Post
    what kind of compliments do you typically get?

    do you believe the compliments? do you see them as mostly superficial social niceties, or do you consider them the truth and therefore little accomplishments?

    how do you tell when a compliment is meaningful?

    what are some things you wish you were complimented more on?
    I'm not often complimented on my appearance these days. It happened frequently in the UK, but I think that's because most people in the UK are fat and have egregiously bad teeth and skin. In Vancouver I'm pretty average and unremarkable. I get some compliments on things that I do well at work.

    I'm more likely to believe compliments if they are astute, concrete or tied to something that I've done or accomplished, and it depends a lot on how much I respect a person. So something like "you're smart," has very little impact on me, whereas something like "your comments on x project were very insightful and gave me a lot to think about," is something that I would actually value as a compliment. I think it's the fact that it's anchored to something that I actually did and shows an attention to my behaviour that makes it more meaningful to me.

    I would like to be complemented more on the things that I'm actively working to improve about myself. It would help me decide if I'm on the right track.

  6. #26
    unbeknownst Lilith's Avatar
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    Dec 2013
    I don't mind giving or receiving compliments. When I see something good, I'd mention it regardless of gender or age. I think because I was brought up appreciating the goodness in life. The downside is (at the back of my head) I judge people's attributes incessantly. There were instances that men I complimented before have taken my compliments as a sign of sexual interest. Not always the case, but that's another topic.

    I usually get compliments on how brilliant I am. Sometimes I wonder if people really know what makes one intelligent or not. They don't bother me at all nor I anchor my self-esteem on them. People tend to notice my smile and my hair a lot, I get compliments on them too. Most of the time I just respond with a smile. I seldom say thank you. I think one compliment that really last an impression on me was when I was in a restaurant with the husband. An elderly woman, with her husband, approached our table on their way out, held my hand and looked me in the eye saying I have the warmest, beaming face she has ever seen. They were probably in their 80s. The warmth of her hand and sincere smile just melted my heart for a moment. I was lost for words and could say nothing more but 'thank you'. I have a soft spot for older people even then.

    I kind of have this weird sense of humor that people usually find offensive. I wish people would take notice of it, ha.

  7. #27
    creator kari's Avatar
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    My boss told me I'm the smartest girl to work for her but I'm socially retarded, I was offended on both counts haha
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  8. #28
    Senior Member Sinny's Avatar
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    Feb 2015
    Birmingham, UK
    Hmm, I don't engage in small talk at all, so compliments don't come up too often.

    The compliments I get the most are along the lines of how; reliable, competent, reserved, and smart I am.

    Often from EXFXs, who perceive me to be all these things. I appreciate those compliments, I strive to be those things.

    Compliments from XNTXs tend to focus on my humour, "potential", and rabble rousing nature. Those sort of compliments amuse me, and fulfil my narcissistic impulse.

    I don't particularly impress people with my appearance, which is more functional than fashionable, but I try to maintain some basic stylistic standards, and occasionally a garment might get complimented on, or mimicked (!!).

    Compliments on my physical appearance usually relate to my physique, which is reasonably proportioned.

    I don't dish out compliments often, mostly because I'm oblivious to everything.. but on the rare occasions when I'm not, I'll state a compiment outloud if I'm thinking it.

    "Nice top"
    "Nice ass!"
    "Just admiring your hard work" etc.

    Positive feedback is good.
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  9. #29
    Scala Mountains Resonance's Avatar
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    Dec 2013
    The Cloud
    often I get generalized compliments like 'you're so awesome!' and that kind of stuff. Weirdly enthusiastic too. I believe that they feel that way, because of how they say it, but I don't really know how to take it. I usually just try to laugh it off without negating it. If you deny compliments then people just get insistent about them.

    I've managed to cut down on the 'you're so smart!' type of compliments by being overly aggressive and adversarial about things that I know a lot about and making sure to highlight when there are things I don't know about and defer to others. But I still get them and it's bad because I have a bit of an ego problem about it.

    as far as appearance goes it's usually about my mannerisms: I'm pretty shy and fidgety but I smile and laugh a lot which some people find endearing (some find it off-putting though so YMMV). I don't consider comments like 'you're so tall' or 'you're so thin' to be compliments even if they are said in an envious way.

    as far as giving compliments, I don't do it very often. I sometimes try to do it just to be friendly because that's a normal thing but my natural inclination is to wait until I notice that someone's self-image doesn't line up with my perception of them and then I'll make sure to tell them as often as it comes up. Assuming I'm not too shy and don't feel like I'm annoying them.
    Empty your mind. Be formless. Shapeless. Like water. Water can flow, or it can crash. Be water, my friend.

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