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Thread: Help. I have fallen for an INTP!!

  1. #1
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    Help. I have fallen for an INTP!!

    Hello all. Before you decide to banish me to the darklands, yes, I am not INTP, I am ENFP. But I thought who better to ask advice about INTPīs than other INTPīs.
    This story may seem a little long and being INTPīs you may get bored before you reach the end. But trust me, there is plenty in here for you to analyse 
    This summer I met a girl. Well. I forced the meeting on her, being an ENFP as I am. I live in Spain, and one morning this summer when I dropped my sun off at summer school there was something that changed my life. I always speak to my son in English, and to my surprise there was a young girl dropping off a child, and she too was speaking English to the child. My ears perked at hearing English. I could tell it wasnīt her native tongue but she spoke really well. Anyway, she was very attractive, but the more I looked at her the more distant and lost she looked. It would turn out that she was a summer sitter for a family here. It troubled me to see her looking so lost. Anyway, I went home, but to say I thought nothing more of it would be a lie. You see as an ENFP I always want to help people feel better, and generally I do. I also always pick up stray animals off the street.
    The next day I saw her again and she was speaking on her phone. This time she was speaking her native tongue, and although I only 3 or 4 words of that language (I have friends from the same country) I recognized where she was from. So I spoke to her. She looked understandably shocked and freaked out (being an INTP). I phoned a friend who had a summer sitter from the same country, who also did not seem to mix well with people and was lonely, so I thought hey, Iīm going to introduce these girls and that way hopefully they will both be happier. It worked, they met, hit it off, and are still friends now.

    That weekend I was going with my family and friends for a weekend away. To my surprise the friends who had the summer sitter said that this girl I had met had asked if she could come along as well. Anyway, we had a great weekend and I started to feel close to her. Too close maybe. We were 20 people on that weekend and god only know how but I had been convinced to make pizzas for everybody. It was manic. The oven was useless, and I was running out of ingredients. Anyway, the stray INTP was the one there helping me, calming me, assisting me in making various waves of pizzas. It was insanely good to be with her. She was coming out of her shell around me, being really funny and fun loving, and in turn she was helping me to relax. I have a tendency for anxiety; in fact I have been on meds for a few years now. Anyway, that weekend I forgot to take them. That evening with the pizzas she revealed that she was having a really hard time with the family here for whom she was sitting, and she didnīt know how she was going to survive the last week. So I told her to jack it in and come and stay at mine for a week as I had the space. She broke down in tears, not understanding there were people like that.

    So she stayed with me. I didnīt see much of her as she was out doing her own thing, but when I was around her it was magic. And I always seemed to get a smile out of her. We both have a very sarcastic f**k you kind of humour. At the end of the week it was time for her to go home. It was a really shitty day. She wrote me a letter and gave it to me, that expressed a lot of feelings she couldnīt understand or describe, thanks for everything, and if one day I am a mother I want the children to have a father like you. I had also written her a message explaining that I didnīt know what was happening but that I had really strong feelings for her.

    I took her to her bus to get to the airport. She was emotional after reading the message I saint, and we held hands all the way. She held my hand so tight that she almost cut off the circulation. She got on the bus, I stayed to wave her off, then being the hopeless romantic I am I got on the bus and kissed her.
    She was crying like crazy and it was really hard to see her like that. Just an extra note, the whole week she was around me I didnīt take my meds. And I had never felt better in myself.

    So she went home, and for the next few weeks we talked every day on the phone. We even said I love you to each other, and we had 3 hour long video conversations, but with silences where we would just look at each other. She revealed secrets to me that she has never told anybody, and me to her.
    Things started to turn sour. I pushed too much emotionally and she said things that just didnīt fit my values. So I almost cut contact and that really affected her. So much so that she told me she had lost trust in me. Since then there have been disagreements, and she has been very direct and said there will never be romance between us, just friendship if I want it.

    So we have tried being friends, calling and laughing with each other, but every now and again things get heated. Then a few days ago, at 1am she sent me a voice message. It was in her native tongue and she was crying like crazy. Of course, I am a protector and carer so it really upset and worried me. I phone her the next day and asked her if she was better and if she wanted to talk and she said she was better and no, didnīt want to talk. I didnīt know if that was because her sister was there with her or why. Anyway, I used a transcribe app and translation software (took me bloody hours) to try and interpret it. I needed to understand what was affecting her so much because I care for her a lot. Once I got the translation I sent her a message saying I wasnīt sure if the translation had worked but it sounded like this that and the other. I said I was sorry I couldnīt help her but that I am here if she needs me. I said that if any time she felt she could tell me these things in English then I would listen. I also said it would be great to talk on the phone, but maybe without her sister being there all the time.

    F**k, that set things off. She wrote me that she wasnīt replying to my messages because she was with friends and didn’t want to be living on her phone. That the translation was not at all what she said. That she did in her native tongue because it was her recording her thoughts and emotions at that moment and she didnīt want me to understand it. She just needed to send it to somebody. It wasn’t about me and thatīs why she didnīt do it in English. That she was not going to push her sister away for me etc. etc.
    I told her OK, all clear, and left her alone for the rest of the day. Yesterday I messaged to see how her days off were going. 10 hours later (by that time I was asleep) she said fine and asked how I was. I texted back this morning that all good……message not going through. She has blocked me.

    So if you are still reading this, thanks for your patience. I care so much for her, but I donīt know what to do or how to handle this situation. I donīt want to lose her, and I know that when we are together we complement each other so well.

    How can I get the trust back?

    Do I try contacting her by other means or do I leave her space and let her contact me (if she wants to)?

    Should I do something crazy like flying to see her so she can see that I really am here for her?

    Any further advice?

    Just to add that she has a complex home situation and I know there are things there that are suffocating her.

  2. #2
    Member Mxx's Avatar
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    We have an Inter-Type Relationships forum.

    And how did you get to post in a Members Only forum? (Not a question for you, but for tech staff).

  3. #3
    Meae Musae Servus Hephaestus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Confused ENFP View Post

    How can I get the trust back?
    You don't.

    Do I try contacting her by other means...?
    No. Unless you like restraining orders.

    Should I do something crazy like flying to see her so she can see that I really am here for her?
    Fuck no.

    Any further advice?
    Stop.
    You winsome, you loathsome.
    --Meditations on Uncertainty Vol ξ(x)

  4. #4
    New Member
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    How do I move the post there?

  5. #5
    Member Mxx's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Confused ENFP View Post
    How do I move the post there?
    Send out the bat signal:
    @stigmatica
    @Ptah

    Sorry to get all J on you. I defer to the expert advice of others on your situation.

  6. #6
    New Member
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    Koi. Short and sweet answer. Any chance she will come back?

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Mxx View Post
    Send out the bat signal:
    @stigmatica
    @Ptah

    Sorry to get all J on you. I defer to the expert advice of others on your situation.
    Reviewing the settings, it looks like Adult and Feedback are open. The other member only sections are fine. Not sure why that is. Fixing now.
    Quote Originally Posted by whatloveihave View Post
    I don't find you a potential threat to human society, you're not crazy. Feces.

  8. #8
    Noble Asshole Horatio's Avatar
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    You both sound like a handful.

    Not saying that you are, but if people come across this way, it's usually because they're horrendously mismatched.

    Did I read you right in that you're a single father? If so, consider what your son would think of you if he was old enough to understand. Talk is cheap, but just try and be the best father for your kid that you can be. First, both your son and you will benefit from this. Second, women will notice.

  9. #9
    Global Moderator Polemarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Confused ENFP View Post
    Things started to turn sour. I pushed too much emotionally and she said things that just didnīt fit my values. So I almost cut contact and that really affected her.
    This part of the story needs a lot more exposition in order to really understand where her head's at.
    We didn't land on Plymouth Rock. Plymouth Rock landed on us.

  10. #10
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    Can you move the post for me?

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