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Thread: Help. I have fallen for an INTP!!

  1. #21
    Member PureViolence's Avatar
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    I have been trough a similar situation. Do it if you feel like having fun and your life is shitty. Quit if you think that will lead you somewhere because it won't.
    Girls cry every time for anything it doesn't mean anything. She was sad for whatever reason. You took care of her so she shows you more.
    That's all. Bye.

  2. #22
    Noble Asshole Horatio's Avatar
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    In light of the developing facts, I'd say she wants a father more than she wants a boyfriend. At least that's what she seems to expect from you.

    At this point there's really nothing you can do. What KOI said – back the hell off for your sake and her's.

  3. #23
    New Member
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    To be honest I donīt think she knows what she wants as she said she doesnīt want me to be her father, that I have already got enough shit on my plate and that she doesnīt want me to carry her and her shit aswell. Yep, starting to sound like a bit of a headf**k to be honest, I am just reluctant to throw the towel in that easily.

    @Pureviolence, yeah my life is a bit shitty at the moment. Living in a small place where my ex and all her family live, my own relatives in another country. I only stay here because my son is so important to me. So yeah, maybe I will just try and have fun without any expectations of anything.

  4. #24
    Mistress Mischievous Lilith's Avatar
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    Some women like older men, it doesn't necessarily translate to daddy issues.

    She has decided the relationship is going nowhere. You should respect that and move on.
    Siriusly Black.

  5. #25
    Your Huckleberry lethe's Avatar
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    To be honest I donīt think she knows what she wants ....
    Really? Because from here it looks pretty clear that she has been telling you and you've been rejecting it.


    as she said she doesnīt want me to be her father, that I have already got enough shit on my plate and that she doesnīt want me to carry her and her shit aswell

    Well. I forced the meeting on her,
    expressed a lot of feelings she couldnīt understand or describe
    I pushed too much emotionally and she said things that just didnīt fit my values. So I almost cut contact and that really affected her. So much so that she told me she had lost trust in me.

    Since then there have been disagreements, and she has been very direct and said there will never be romance between us, just friendship if I want it.*
    she started to analyse the whole situation (age difference, distance, etc.) and said it would never work. She also said that she couldnīt contemplate a monogamous relationship.
    asked her if she was better and if she wanted to talk and she said she was better and no, didnīt want to talk
    But you pushed it again anyway and...


    and she didnīt want me to understand it. She just needed to send it to somebody. It wasn’t about me*

    She has blocked me.


    That's a pretty clear sign she doesn't want to hear from you anymore. And a pattern of you doing what you want anyway.

    Should I do something crazy like flying to see her so she can see that I really am here for her?
    Here for HER? or for you and how she makes YOU feel? What you would be showing her is that you don't respect her wishes. Again.

    You could stop treating her like she's a child who needs you and doesn't know her own mind.
    Likening her to a stray animal? Helping her/rescuing her like she's a charity or a lost child or a project?

    Any justification of "helping" her (against her will, btw) only works if you insist she doesn't know her own desires and you know better, "for her own good". That's not very respectful and doesn't inspire trust.

    Want to get trust? Be trustworthy.

    I think you could start by believing what she says about how she feels and what she wants instead of dismissing it and looking for clues it's not true. I think you could accept that you can't push a person to be with you.

    It doesn't matter if she cares for you romantically or not. She could have those feelings AND these feelings, too. Being romantically attracted to person doesn't mean you could/would/should have a romantic relationship with them.

    Your attempts to push things further and get past her lines have resulted in her pushing you further away and making more lines. She's right that she can't trust you to accept her. Because you don't
    Last edited by lethe; 10-19-2017 at 08:03 PM.
    Don't remember changing this.

  6. #26
    Senior Member Senseye's Avatar
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    You sure she is an INTP? From your description of things she sounds more like an INFP. I don't have any relationship advice for wooing an INTP female but you need to confirm your assessment.

    For example:

    1) You say she is a sitter. Like a nannie. I think the average INTP would rather shoot themselves in the head than take on such a task.
    2) She's bawling about toughing out the final week? Pfft, it's just a week. If you have taken on such a unsuitable task for the summer one final week should be no problem.
    3) She leaves you a voicemail and she's bawling again? She's seems like too much of a softie to be an INTP.

    I realize anybody can get overwhelmed in sufficiently dire circumstances. But none of the INTP girls here seem much like criers. This girl seems to go off at the drop of a pin.

  7. #27
    Member Mxx's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Senseye View Post
    But none of the INTP girls here seem much like criers. This girl seems to go off at the drop of a pin.
    Nah, a boy can make an INTP girl cry once. Once.

  8. #28
    Quote Originally Posted by Confused ENFP View Post
    Things started to turn sour. I pushed too much emotionally and she said things that just didnīt fit my values. So I almost cut contact and that really affected her. So much so that she told me she had lost trust in me. Since then there have been disagreements, and she has been very direct and said there will never be romance between us, just friendship if I want it.
    Do you mind expanding on this with specific examples?

  9. #29
    Senior Member
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    Either she's not an INTP or you're reading a whole lot of shit into things that isn't there.

    I also get the impression she's like 19 or 20. Any INTP woman over 25 would have killed you and buried your body in the desert by now.

  10. #30
    know nothing pensive_pilgrim's Avatar
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    She must be really pretty

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