let me cure your depression

[kari]

Is anyone here clinically depressed? Dysthymic? In a perpetual state of existential dread? Sword of Damocles hanging over your head? I want to help you feel a bit better in 2 x 4 weeks. I think I can try.

The only caveat is that you must do what I say, no questions asked.

[Horatio]

I see you're already recruiting members.

[kari]

Get in early to secure your place in the upper echelons.

[Horatio]

Get in early to secure your place in the upper echelons.

I'm actually curious as to what your programme would be. I'm not depressed at present, unfortunately. Went through long phases of moderate depression a few years back but usually managed to cure it with exercise, healthy eating, forcing myself to meet people, putting in consistent effort workwise and just generally getting my shit in life together. Not because I'm super awesome but simply because there was generally no other choice.

I do believe that "true" depression (a hefty imbalance of neurochemicals due to some kind of physical dysfunction) is pretty rare, and most people's "depression" could be helped with the simple changes above. Routine and consistency are beneficial too, of course.

tl;dr

So, what do you suggest?

[GnarlFox]

Mars Argo fan here. What do you think of that Poppy girl?

I think this may cure my depression.

*GnarlFox stands pointedly and scoffs in that general direction, thinking it'd suit a certain band better than another*

Knowingly, GnarlFox lards the bill of his hat and mustards his coat before reaching for the door.

"Shit, shit, shit. That should have been in quotations, and why am I narrating?," says the questioning miscreant. Before leaving in a puff of smoke.

*poof*

"Fine, fine, '*poof*'."

"Door."

Bye.

[PureViolence]

i was diagnosed with mild depression like 3 months ago, but i think i recovered, doctor said i was fine just a bit low or smth, she said she could give me medicine, i said no i prefer you on bed ;D (no actually not said that last thing but i thought it). back then i couldn't wake up from bed. now i'm usually fine.
i'm just like you said very borderline more than sad. took a dissociative disorder test and she said i had no trace of it. and she said that being weird is ok and cool as long as you keep your mind working properly and she said i did. so big deal. i'm just taking out some putos.

[GnarlFox]

i'm just taking out some putos.

Score, amirite? (Fucking Google translate)

To hell with this. I'll be in my barn.

Edit: I clearly meant my barn-shed. Seriously, who owns barn's thses days, farmers?

[Sinny]

I'd sign up, but I don't know if I should

Lord knows what you have in store for us.

[BarIII]

I'd literally feel more comfortable breaking multiple laws with a good chance of getting caught than doing this. This could end up involving saying things to people you don't want to say those things too, like "I'm sorry" to someone who abused you.

...Specifically, I'd pee in public and shoplift.

[Blorg]

In a perpetual state of existential dread?

I don't have any of the other problems but YES to this one. I'm in! I trust you!!! (I think)