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Thread: Stream of Consciousness

  1. #11
    push to stutardepid itch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jigglypuff View Post
    my jaw just dropped irl lmaoooooo
    Your version is really good in a pinch. Ima use that at work. Maybe in a meeting.
    stupid pancakes.

  2. #12
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    I am fiending for noodles. If I act fast I can have some delivered but it won't be what I want, it will be other noodles and that's still noodles but it's not the noodles I'm feeling. But I need them and if I don't have the noodles I will feel empty. Noodles.
    Or maybe a burger with guacamole on it.

    Got a wind-up alarm clock with a metal bell alarm. Opened it up tonight and gave it a wind. It's ticking away. tic-tic-tic-tic-tic and I keep forgetting it's there because I'm listening to Netflix and when there's a break in the dialog there's this tic-tic-tic-tic sound and I'm all "wtf?!" and then I remember the clock that I just put there. Usually when nothing is going on there's my heartbeat. Now there's a clock. I was thinking maybe I should get a house plant, but the clock... this might do the trick. Control, we are GO for coffee-clock-nap-fight.

    edit: LOL i just forgot that I wanted noodles and then remembered again. I should order that stupid burger. Or noodles...
    stupid pancakes.

  3. #13
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    There's something wrong. That's how I've been feeling lately. We have a generous tolerance for things being wrong when waiting out seems to be the only solution. Or, is every moment actionable to such a degree as to unburden anxiety when acted upon properly? I've looked to writing my inane, un-logged thoughts late at night many a time and it does well to calm me down, but doesn't reveal itself as a solution. Thoughts come out in a stream sometimes, more often than not nothing real comes out quickly. This is not new. It's a drag.
    "All my heroes are dead" - John Zorn

    "It's not selfish if you hate yourself"

  4. #14
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    Shopping cart. A shopping cart. That's severely messing with my anything even remotely zen. It's in my yard. It has a flashlight in it, and has had recycle bags tied to it and torn off. It probably just blew across the street in the weather today... tomorrow is recycle pickup day so one of the dudes across the street will be looking for it at some point; those guys collect all the bottles and cans before the truck comes by, and leave recycle bags torn open all over the neighborhood so things with no cash value like plastic containers and plastic bags blow all over the place but in the interim between now and whenever they start their good work, I have their fuckin' mule upended helplessly on my front lawn. And it's just a stupid shopping cart. But it isn't just a shopping cart. Technically that is a stolen shopping cart, because it belongs to a business which does not operate a brick and mortar presence in my neighborhood. They're located a couple of KM away. So I have this stolen-ass retarded by-product of societal reform dumped on my property like it was a friggin' television set. I want to try and sleep soon and all I can think about is how this has to be personal by now, though the wind was pretty strong today but seriously what the shit. A shopping cart. I could put the television in it and wheel it across the street and leave it in their driveway but that would be dumping, which is illegal. lol. I am super wound up. I have this clock though. I want to sit up and see which of these dicks retrieves th OMG these guys on the thing totally just did the gunfight from the untouchables with baby and the escalator and stuff wahahahahahahaha what was... oh yeah, those dicks across the street. Faaaaaaaawghk. Naps. Naps in a white ball of healing light on a calm blue ocean of REVENNNNNNNGE and crushed glass and tiger balm paper cuts. slide!
    stupid pancakes.

  5. #15
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    Someone's ears must have dissolved. The shopping cart is now in the driveway across the street, stacked with bags of bottles and cans. why won't itch de-escalate. LOL clock just startled me again. And I'm going to try and sleep with that next to my head. So ambushed by shopping cart. tic-tic-tic-tic
    stupid pancakes.

  6. #16
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    i'm sleep-deprived and have a lot of thoughts to-day! oh, where to begin! it's ridiculous the decision i have to make every day between deadlines and my health. sometimes i think i'm making the wrong decision but in retrospect my decisions always turn out to be the right ones, or just "worth it." i'm in pain right now but i push it to the background. one of these days i'm gonna break down and cry myself into a ball, and i hope i shrink to the size of an egg. i would allow chickens to peck at me but not enough to the point of cracking me. i just want the punishment, and i don't want them developing bad habits. it's like how some depressed people cut themselves to feel, i guess. i hurt myself in little ways. i save waxing for days when i feel it'll do me good to feel a little pain. my body says to me, "stop, you fucking bitch" but i've trained myself to be like a computer almost. i say that yet i complain when my bf vents to me and i feel he's treating me like a little computer, processing the raw unfiltered data of his mind. i swear all humans ever do is build walls and spread excrement on walls. like that's the fucking legacy of the human race. what happens to the soul when two anarchists marry? not that i believe in a soul, i really don't, but i'm using the term in a humanistic way lol. my body hurts, i'm feeling pain, i want to say something yet i just keep going, meeting the deadline, approaching my end, it's really a slow death, and i don't feel bad for people who cry at work cuz they believe in the non-future that is capitalism, which i guess is the heaviest confession i have to make today. a small part of me wants to see everything destroyed cuz i know something beautiful will come, nature needs no college education. and i continue on the road to my slow death.
    the clouds in the sky caress my mind so tenderly

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by itch View Post
    I am fiending for noodles. If I act fast I can have some delivered but it won't be what I want, it will be other noodles and that's still noodles but it's not the noodles I'm feeling. But I need them and if I don't have the noodles I will feel empty. Noodles.
    Or maybe a burger with guacamole on it.


    i first came across this at a ramen festival like two years ago or something. be careful lol
    the clouds in the sky caress my mind so tenderly

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by jigglypuff View Post

    i first came across this at a ramen festival like two years ago or something. be careful lol
    People were disturbed by the KFC Double Down sandwich but this... This is truly... Noodly.
    stupid pancakes.

  9. #19
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    maybe this'll be like my blog but shittier. the truth is i feel really behind on my work rn, a bunch of shit's been dumped on my lap over the last few weeks and i'm trying to deal with one thing at a time. i don't feel as guilty for giving myself a day like this which i should consider progress in my leveling-up character-building project. i don't give myself enough credit for "doing" as much as i "do" but every time i think about the pressure to "do" and be mindlessly productive i just get angry then i sorta detach and remember we're all in the same sinking ship, and i don't want this sentence to end prematurely cuz it's connected to more thoughts, and here i am putting off the period, when's the period coming? am i PMSing? well, there is is! ------> . nah it hasn't come yet but i'm sorta like low key bloating and sad, hahaha. first thing i did this morning was drink a bottle of matcha but it wasn't very strong. i'd like to think and talk more about the pressure of having to appear high-functioning all the time, it's all a bunch of bullshit, yet everybody buys it and the truth is what you say on social media, which includes this site. when are we gonna say it's enough? the movement to become a digital nomad isn't coming soon enough, but it'll come with the death of the insects.
    the clouds in the sky caress my mind so tenderly

  10. #20
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    i wish i had the gift of writing cuz then i could talk about regular shit and have it be beautiful and maybe worth reading. i'm starting to feel sorry for people who feel so much like prey animals that they think they can never show weakness but then i remember the world is a mirror and i feel annoyed at myself that i even bothered cuz none of this says anything great about me. i'd like to not spend any energy on them and i'd like to not even remind them to be rational and strong cuz the moment i say it i can't help but be a little amused at the absurdity of it all and i'm sure that shows on my face. what people remember is how you make them feel. pity is the most despicable emotion and it belongs to those who believe they have nothing new to learn. about chickens, i go back and forth between thinking they are the ideal humans, the most foolish who possess the strongest will to live, and seeing them as bred to be weak, in the image of humans. i can only know them as much as i know myself and that's maybe how all relationships are. they're admittedly my favorite anxiety fixation. the other day my dad was telling me about how i come from a line of geniuses but it just made me think it's so ironic that you could only immigrate to this country if you have something--enough--to lose, and that's certainly what happened to my family. i don't know about anybody's life until after they're dead and i'd call that my worst fear if it wasn't a reality i'm already living with. so here we are breathing in the ammonia of mediocrity day after day after day unaware that there's anything on the outside (enough with the chicken coop references!). open the window, you need ventilation. the inside is all bland and processed and one color. it's kinda interesting to think (fantasize) that i could've inherited an affinity for chickens from my grandpa who was some sort of agricultural scientist who traveled the world as a chicken doctor. that's really nice.
    the clouds in the sky caress my mind so tenderly

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