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Thread: The Poo Thread

  1. #21
    Quote Originally Posted by jigglypuff View Post
    ^ i have a bidet toilet seat and it’s great for rinsing afterwards but i still wipe. can’t go walking around with my ass all wet.

    i guess it does make the question obselete, but bidets aren’t that common here so yah. some also have an air-dry (!) feature, but that to me doesn’t feel clean.

    shit wouldn’t pile up on the equipment, cuz i’m pretty sure the little stick that shoots water out only comes out when you press the button? now that i think of it there might be different mechanisms for “front” & “back” rinsing options that my toilet seat has, but i wouldn’t go check cuz my face would get wet.
    Yeah, the stick tucks away. But I suspect a poo plop or a bidet spray is a lot like a sneeze. It throws things way further than you'd think. Ideally, we'd all have personally assigned bidets. lol
    Quote Originally Posted by whatloveihave View Post
    I don't find you a potential threat to human society, you're not crazy. Feces.

  2. #22
    Meae Musae Servus Hephaestus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stigmata View Post
    A) Ever seen inception? A fold within a fold within a fold -- When I fold, you have to fortify the toilet paper in order to withstand the impact of contact.

    B) You gotta use that middle finger to guide the ship, like the toiler paper is a TIE fighter which you must carefully maneuver through the narrow passageways of a shit filled deathstar trench.

    How can one effectively reach all the nooks and crannies with an unorganized wad?
    Fatal error. Your final comment reveals the flaw in pure folding. How can a smooth scraper clear your nooks and crannies? Like a butter knife it will simply cram feces into said cavities and smooth over the surface. Crumpling creates more engagement to enter thode hidden spaces a scoop out the unwanted shit caches mere folded paper would leave... behind.

    Checkmate.

    A post wipe shower is the only way to be really sure.


    New questions:

    Sit, stand, or lean and break the fucking seat?

    Do you prefer to poop naked? Shirtless? Or just take your chances with discomfort?
    For some, "how", not "why", is the fundamental unit of measure for curiosity. This divergence is neither parallel, nor straight. Where one might have a "why?-5" problem, it might only be a "how?-2" question. But then, there are also many things where the "why?" is immediately obvious but the "how?" is best measured in centuries of perpetual wonder. Both approaches have their drawbacks.

    If one is superior, the other is unaware of it.

    --Meditations on Uncertainty Vol ξ(x)

  3. #23
    Quote Originally Posted by Hephaestus View Post
    Fatal error. Your final comment reveals the flaw in pure folding. How can a smooth scraper clear your nooks and crannies? Like a butter knife it will simply cram feces into said cavities and smooth over the surface. Crumpling creates more engagement to enter thode hidden spaces a scoop out the unwanted shit caches mere folded paper would leave... behind.

    Checkmate.

    A post wipe shower is the only way to be really sure.


    New questions:

    Sit, stand, or lean and break the fucking seat?

    Do you prefer to poop naked? Shirtless? Or just take your chances with discomfort?
    Heph! I was giving him an out via bedet! You ruined it! He knows he's wrong.
    Quote Originally Posted by whatloveihave View Post
    I don't find you a potential threat to human society, you're not crazy. Feces.

  4. #24
    Quote Originally Posted by BarIII View Post
    I fold.

    Ok. I just watched your posted vid for the first time. Somebody wearing 6 inches width of clown lipstick just took an instructional piss on the internet. And I watched it.

    I hate you BarIII. Hate you.

    But, I'm only replying to this so others are more likely to experience the pain. Maybe I AM an asshole of sorts.
    Quote Originally Posted by whatloveihave View Post
    I don't find you a potential threat to human society, you're not crazy. Feces.

  5. #25
    chaotic neutral shitpost
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    new questions added. thanks for your contribution Heph.

    Quote Originally Posted by Hephaestus View Post
    Sit, stand, or lean and break the fucking seat?
    squatting > sitting, but on a sitting toilet i'll always sit. at a public restroom i'll use tp to wipe the seat over once, then use a toilet seat cover or line the seat with tp.

    wtf even is standing? how do you stand???

    Do you prefer to poop naked? Shirtless? Or just take your chances with discomfort?
    generally, i don't change my clothes just to shit. if i'm shitting naked, i imagine i'm getting into a shower right after.
    I was fine when I came, and fine when I left.

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hephaestus View Post
    Do you prefer to poop naked? Shirtless? Or just take your chances with discomfort?
    Naked while played bejeweled or reading reddit on my phone.


    Quote Originally Posted by Hephaestus View Post
    Sit, stand, or lean and break the fucking seat?
    There's people that poop while standing? What the fuck?

    With this new knowledge I feel as if a new, alternate reality stream birthed itself into existence in which these standing shitters will be publicly sought out and discriminated against, and eventually forced into segregation by sitters and leaners out of fear of their mutation, and the first glimpse of the next stage of human evolution in which we can effectively poop while both standing and mobile -- Imagine the basic premise behind the X-Men, except with shit.

  7. #27
    Meae Musae Servus Hephaestus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jigglypuff View Post
    generally, i don't change my clothes just to shit. if i'm shitting naked, i imagine i'm getting into a shower right after.
    Often yes, but even when I'm not, I prefer to be naked while pooping. It just feels better--I think I know why.

    Wearing a shirt long enough to cover your buttcrack when crouching or stooping means long enough to get nasty while pooping. But if I take my shirt off, I'm free of that particular concern and don't have to monitor my shirt hem.

    Pants or shorts around my ankles means I'm hobbled in the event of some sort of emergency. I feel less vulnerable naked than I do with my ankles tied together.

    wtf even is standing? how do you stand???
    Quote Originally Posted by Stigmata View Post
    There's people that poop while standing? What the fuck?

    With this new knowledge I feel as if a new, alternate reality stream birthed itself into existence in which these standing shitters will be publicly sought out and discriminated against, and eventually forced into segregation by sitters and leaners out of fear of their mutation, and the first glimpse of the next stage of human evolution in which we can effectively poop while both standing and mobile -- Imagine the basic premise behind the X-Men, except with shit.
    You guys don't know how to poop standing? Lolololol.

    Butt seriously, I thought it was clear I meant while wiping. Sorry for the confusion.

    I stand to wipe. Many people remain seated to wipe, regardless of whether they go from the front or swing round the back way. There's a small group of people that stay seated and lean over to lift a cheek for side access. This puts a ton of shearing force on plastic bolts, and if you've ever come across a toilet seat that had a broken attachment on one side, it was probably one of these asswipes that broke it.
    For some, "how", not "why", is the fundamental unit of measure for curiosity. This divergence is neither parallel, nor straight. Where one might have a "why?-5" problem, it might only be a "how?-2" question. But then, there are also many things where the "why?" is immediately obvious but the "how?" is best measured in centuries of perpetual wonder. Both approaches have their drawbacks.

    If one is superior, the other is unaware of it.

    --Meditations on Uncertainty Vol ξ(x)

  8. #28
    push to stutardepid itch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hephaestus View Post
    This puts a ton of shearing force on plastic bolts, and if you've ever come across a toilet seat that had a broken attachment on one side, it was probably one of these asswipes that broke it.


    Also...
    puts a ton of shearing force on plastic bolts
    OMG is that how it happens!!!! All the ones at the office! whoah.
    stupid pancakes.

  9. #29
    malarkey oxyjen's Avatar
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    I am an asshole leaner-wiper, though I can't recall ever breaking a toilet seat. It's imperative to wipe front to back and you have to do the side lean to avoid getting your arm and hand so low that it might accidentally touch toilet water.

    There's a reason for the madness.

    If you try to wipe when standing, the cheeks don't spread as easy to get a quick clean swipe.

  10. #30
    TJ TeresaJ's Avatar
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    You all need to eat more fiber.

    This is seldom an issue for me. But if I'm in my own private bathroom and I feel like I need a deep clean i also like to coat the TP with coconut oil before using it. Then wipe thoroughly with a few rounds of dry TP.

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