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Thread: Can a Man and a Woman Be Friends?

  1. #51
    Homo siderius Sistamatic's Avatar
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    Meanwhile I'll just continue on with my life filled with long-time friends of both genders and many orientations that I never fucked. Visited three male college friends in Colorado last month. We all went to a bar. One of them was having marriage troubles and he put it out there in what he thought was subtle ways, but I closed the lid before any worms could escape from the can and we went on about our night of drinking and shooting pool ... the awkwardness lasted like ten seconds. Granted we had been platonic friends for 25 years, so perhaps that exchange was a proverbial drop in a very large bucket, but still... urges aint gotta be a big deal. You can laugh at them when they aren't appropriate. You don't have to go all sackcloth and ash about it.
    Last edited by Sistamatic; 12-12-2017 at 08:56 PM.
    Insults are effective only where emotion is present. -- Spock, "Who Mourns for Adonais?" Stardate 3468.1.

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  2. #52
    Homo siderius Sistamatic's Avatar
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    For me this isn't really academic. I have long term great friendships with het guys I never slept with. Like lots of them.

    But here's the thing I've been thinking about the last couple of hours... of course the ones I never had a relationship with comprise almost all the ones I have long term friendships with. By default, my friendships with males are all platonic because with very few exceptions, relationships end bloody. In general, the only romantic partner you can be friends with is the current one.

    By that logic, you should be really sure before you cross that barrier with someone you work with, need in your life for some other reason. I'd have to be a complete moron to become involved with my coauthor whether I was married or not.

    Maybe the only reason people of the gender you are not attracted to make such great long term friends is precisely because you aren't trying to fuck them. Maybe all you have to do to develop rewarding friendships with amazing people of either gender is stop trying to screw them.
    Insults are effective only where emotion is present. -- Spock, "Who Mourns for Adonais?" Stardate 3468.1.

    I'm not avoiding socializing I'm helping socializing avoid me! --MoneyJungle

  3. #53
    Senior Member Starjots's Avatar
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    I just realized I have a data point. My wife and I are friends with her ex husband. He's a nice guy. The converse (my ex) is not true, but that wasn't my choice.

  4. #54
    Noble Asshole Horatio's Avatar
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    Most people err gravely in assuming everybody else is like them.

    Earlier today an acquaintance of mine rang. I can never mention any kind of outing or event with a female friend without him making a stupid comment along the lines of "So, she's getting the D then?" "So, you guys are banging or what?" etc.

    Dear Acquaintance, just because you would shag anything that has a pulse if you could doesn't mean everybody else does.

    Doubly worse since he's rather astute in his professional field. But he's just a complete dumbass in virtually all other matters.

  5. #55
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    it is my personal experience that a hetero man and woman can successfully be just friends if one of them is far out of the other's league. alcohol could throw that off though.

  6. #56
    tsuj a notelpmis QuickTwist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Horatio View Post
    Most people err gravely in assuming everybody else is like them.

    Earlier today an acquaintance of mine rang. I can never mention any kind of outing or event with a female friend without him making a stupid comment along the lines of "So, she's getting the D then?" "So, you guys are banging or what?" etc.

    Dear Acquaintance, just because you would shag anything that has a pulse if you could doesn't mean everybody else does.

    Doubly worse since he's rather astute in his professional field. But he's just a complete dumbass in virtually all other matters.
    I lol'd

    Lesbians like me, I have no idea why. So yeah, man and woman can be friends without any sexual tension.

    My disappointment when I saw who the OP was was... something.
    But your individuality and your present need will be swept away by change,
    and what you now ardently desire will one day become the object of abhorrence.
    ~ Schiller - 'Psychological Types'

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